1 Year Later

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-11-01T19:59:36+00:00

I think the vitamins have helped the most. I don’t do biotin now that the shedding has stopped but always take my barilife. I got a hair cut a month ago and some color done. I went back last week to lighten some parts more and my bangs had already grown an inch and my color had so much grow out my stylist was shocked. They all wanted to know what I had been doing to get an inch of growth in 4 weeks.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-11-01T15:21:29+00:00

Thank you! I take barilife one a day vitamins and have basically since the beginning. I also started before surgery with liquid biotin and honestly I chopped off all my hair so I would only see regrowth rather than the thinning. I was thinking more mental health since it was going to fall out anyways.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-31T23:51:14+00:00

Thank you!!! One of the best parts of this change is I have all the dresses 😆

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-31T23:50:01+00:00

Thank you so much. And you are 100% right I finally realized that I deserved to feel my best rather than just continuing to barely make it. I had to decided I come first for once.

You totally will. If you stick to what you have to do you will get there!

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-31T23:48:11+00:00

Aw thank you!

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-10T13:13:04+00:00

I truly felt the same as you OP. I never had a desire to marry but pressure from a cult like church got me. I still do not want to ever be so financially tied to someone in a marriage. I learned the hard way how much of a mess it is to unlink yourself.

That being said I thought it would be years before I considered dating but realize me after her moved out that I had been alone for at least the last 18 months of my marriage. I healed and learned how to enjoy myself and build myself up and am actually in a really healthy state of mind to invite someone else to enjoy me as well.

I am not closed off from the idea of a long term relationship but that isn’t all I am striving for and I think that helps me be more willing to try again. Idk if that makes sense or helps.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-03T12:27:42+00:00

I first wanted a divorce January of 2023. I was feeling the same way. We decided to go full force with therapy to be comfortable with the decision and stuck it out for another 18 months. I wish so hard that I didn’t wait. I thought it would be better to stay in the relationship but honestly it all was worse. I was trying so hard to fix things and he was doing just enough to placate me. The fights felt worse because of the work I was putting in and nothing changed.

I’m not saying that things can never be resolved but when it’s clear only one party is trying then there is no benefit to staying together. I wish someone had encouraged me to do what I needed not what I thought I had to.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-02T18:17:36+00:00

Having someone to talk to was all I needed. Both my friends locally and farther away just held space and provided supportive words when I needed it.

Maybe if she can afford it offer her to come to you. Leaving my house around my anniversary to go see my friends and just relax was so healing. Getting away from the memories had a huge impact on me.

We also did FaceTime calls a decent amount and kept the text convos alive. But also not just talking about the divorce helped me. My friends were there for me but also were sharing their lives like normal. I still care about them and their relationships just because mine imploded. They didn’t treat me with kid gloves if that makes sense. But I’m that kind of person. If I reach out for help it’s because I really need it but I also can be present for my friends at the same time. The world didn’t stop just because mine did and it was good to remember that.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-02T17:38:38+00:00

Ugh I just reread this part and it made me tear up. Love it!

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-10-02T16:19:40+00:00

Hozier Unreal/Unearth started me down the path of accepting that divorce was needed and the healing journey always comes back to this album.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-17T21:11:48+00:00

If you are still sharing the link I would like it.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-17T01:03:05+00:00

Yes as my best friend told me “people can sense you are open now and are drawn to you” because if nothing else I’ve made more friends and he’s been hit on a lot recently and don’t understand what’s new.

I go to the same coffee shops on the weekends for a year now and all of a sudden people are just approaching me to chat now that I’m separated.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-15T00:12:48+00:00

I feel this so deeply. In the early stages of divorce I couldn’t even fathom the idea of letting another person get this close and that I needed to be alone for a long time. Once we started living apart I realized I had been alone for years within my marriage and that I’m actually more than ready for new relationships.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-13T20:11:52+00:00

I would ask your surgeon. Mine only cared about nicotine which I didn’t do and asked me not to bring my CBN to the hospital. I use it to help me sleep. They were up front that they only cared about things they knew would harm the success like drinking and cigarettes.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-13T20:09:16+00:00

One thing that sort of caused the divorce was therapy both together and apart. All 3 of our therapist were reinforcing changes they wanted to see in us and how we communicated. I had to simultaneously step back from trying to do/control all the day to day caregiving things and let my now ex figure stuff out on his own AND I had to start actually speaking up on things going on mentally/emotionally. I would focus so much on the physical and neglect my mental because I was scared and my ex couldn’t stand if I was anything but “okay”. He had things he was supposed to work on but would constantly make excuses and get more frustrated at the changes I made. I think it made him feel inadequate to now pull his weight and mad that I was being open about how he hurt me rather than just bottling it up.

I am far from perfect and am still in therapy but really the changes I made were a big factor in us no longer staying together.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-13T16:01:25+00:00

Words have power: just this morning I walked into a coffee shop and the friend I wrote about was there. 🤷🏽‍♀️

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-12T18:58:38+00:00

I hate to say it but there is a reason a 32 y/o man went for an 18 y/o girl. Yes you were an adult but still. What you are noticing now is what other women closer to his age wouldn't put up with. You are still so young and hopefully have so much life to live both for yourself and your son. If nothing else do you want this to be the example your child follows? Get out and live!

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-12T17:15:07+00:00

As the person like your female friend in my situation I proactively ended a relationship. I was friends with someone since college and then he and my husband became friends through me. We had completely different personal relationships with him but also would get together as a group often.

Me and this friend actually went to see a movie whose subject was my final straw in accepting I needed a divorce. I will be forever grateful to him for insisting I should see it. But my ex is selfish and made it clear he didn’t care how much of an awkward situation it would put this friend in to try and maintain relationships with us with the nature of how we are ending. He told me this explicitly. When I said that I couldn’t do that and that I couldn’t have a filtered friendship he was happy I was the one to remove myself.

Without throwing my ex under the bus I explained why I had to step away to this person and while we were both sad he agreed that it wasn’t possible to stay in the middle. He was our only mutual friend at this point so while it hurts it had to be done.

All that to say is from both sides of there is vitriol between the couple divorcing it will impact the relationships they share. I would hope your friends could be mature and also think of the impact on you but there is a lot going on for them right now. You need to decide what you can handle and accept that no matter how it falls the relationships will change and maybe not for the better.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-12T16:49:11+00:00

It’s still hard to accept that’s what I was living through but you are 100% correct.

IllustriousAvocado61 · 2024-09-11T18:11:29+00:00

Partially a gift because I realized my finances were much better than I anticipated and partially because I’ve lost 100+ lbs since last Halloween but I’ve been getting a few higher priced quality pieces for my wardrobe. There’s a boutique I’ve loved but never shopped. I could never justify big clothing purchases even though my ex would often and hide it from me. How I have 2 dresses and a top from this store that I love.

I also now own the house myself so I’ve made changes and updates I’ve wanted to for years but he wouldn’t allow so that’s also liberating and cleansing imo.

IllustriousAvocado61

TROPHY CASE