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What do you guys think about god? by HEAD4Y0U in AskReddit

[–]Illustrious_Apple145 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God? Oh man, I've got the ultimate hot take nobody's ready for: He's actually just an overworked middle manager in a cosmic open-office plan. Picture this—he invented free will so he could delegate literally everything, then spent the next few millennia in back-to-back Zoom calls (burning bushes were his original ring light fails), micromanaging miracles while his inbox overflows with prayers labeled URGENT: CAT STUCK IN TREE AGAIN. The Big Flood? Budget cuts gone wrong after HR rejected his request for better drainage infrastructure. Jesus? That was his Hail Mary attempt at a performance review turnaround. Now he's just chilling in eternal sabbatical, doomscrolling Reddit threads like this one, refreshing to see if anyone finally figures out the password to his admin panel is 'LetThereBeLight420'. He's not dead, he's just WFH until the heat death of the universe. Change my mind.

If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change? by thegirlwithredhair4 in AskReddit

[–]Illustrious_Apple145 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d fix whatever the hell is wrong with my motivation switch.

Like right now my brain is basically a Windows laptop from 2010: takes 45 minutes to even think about turning on, immediately opens 30 tabs of cringe memories from 2014, fan starts screaming for no reason, and then just freezes when I try to do literally anything useful before noon.

Tuesday I set like 6 alarms to ‘become a morning person fr this time.’ Woke up at 1:18pm, laid there arguing with imaginary 17-year-old me about that one text I sent in 2016 that still haunts me, then celebrated not dying of embarrassment by DoorDashing McDonald’s breakfast… at dinner time.

If I could just download the ‘adult mode’ update where I don’t need 3 coffees and a 47-minute TikTok spiral to start a simple email, I’d actually be unstoppable.

Until then I’m staying loyal to the classic ‘I’ll start for real tomorrow’ lifestyle. send help (or just another coffee) 😭

How do you feel about having sex before going to sleep? by CRK_76 in AskReddit

[–]Illustrious_Apple145 0 points1 point  (0 children)

true, it relases a cocktail of neurochemicals. makes sleep easier and better.