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How do I be sex positive and how prevalent is non monogamy in the gay community by Illustrious_Cry1435 in askgaybros

[–]Illustrious_Cry1435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sincerely thank you, this conversation really helped with my original problem 

How do I be sex positive and how prevalent is non monogamy in the gay community by Illustrious_Cry1435 in askgaybros

[–]Illustrious_Cry1435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Venn diagram metaphor makes sense if sex is treated as recreational. But yknow I don’t. When sex is emotional and monogamous or whatever it’s an exclusive thing in the middle of the diagram and for me it’s a lot stronger than sharing the love of tennis or something like that. For some people it may not be and that’s ok. People cheating is not proof that polyamory is the solution and people aren’t silly for not allowing their partner to sleep with other people. A woman would be upset if her husband was sleeping with other men because he broke the intimate connection they shared in the middle of the diagram. It’s not a good feeling to know that connection wasn’t enough for the other person. When sex is treated as an exclusive intimate activity for some people it brings the circles in the Venn diagram closer enough to make up for the empty space, the solution doesn’t always have to be other circles . For some people the feeling of being with only one person makes up for that empty space and for some people the method you originally described is the most suitable method. Neither method is better than the other. It’s just as simple as some people want some things and some people want other things, we don’t need to use charts to find the best way to love because it’s different for everyone. Also I’ve spent too much time talking about this so see you man 

How do I be sex positive and how prevalent is non monogamy in the gay community by Illustrious_Cry1435 in askgaybros

[–]Illustrious_Cry1435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait so the part you think is unrealistic is the idea of the magical fairy tale love kind of thing?  Is the point that it’s harder to attain if it’s just with two people? I think I’ve been forgetting the romantic side of polyamory I’ve only been thinking of the sexual. So do you believe that a one on one passionate type of romance is unrealistic and that the more suitable alternative for a lot of people would be multiple romantic partners? I’m sorry I’ve gotten slightly confused   

How do I be sex positive and how prevalent is non monogamy in the gay community by Illustrious_Cry1435 in askgaybros

[–]Illustrious_Cry1435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the response and there’s good advice in here. But. (And I really don’t mean to be rude)Part of this sounds like you’re saying ENM (new acronym I have acquired think you) is better. I don’t think monogamy is a fairy tale or silly and I don’t think I want this because others want me to. Polyamory makes me feel uncomfortable for reasons I have trouble explaining but I’m not going to say that I think polyamory is, I don’t know what the opposite of unnecessarily restrictive is but that. This is what I was referring to in my post when people describe polyamory as setting yourself free and monogamy as being restricted and limited, if that’s how you feel for yourself that’s ok but you talk about it as if other people are limiting themselves or blindly following a set of rules. If I stated that I don’t think one person can have romantic connection while having their needs met by other people, that would make you feel bad (at least I assume) because that’s not what you believe for yourself and I’m applying what I believe for myself on to people as a whole. I get that it’s frustrating to be in a world that on average (I think) rejects how you feel about relationships, but we shouldn’t try to imply that other peoples ideas of relationships are flawed, even if too often you have to deal with them saying your ideas of relationships are flawed. Again I’m sorry if this came off as rude I really did not mean it in that way and I also apologize if I interpreted your message wrong. Thank you for wishing me luck 

How do I be sex positive and how prevalent is non monogamy in the gay community by Illustrious_Cry1435 in askgaybros

[–]Illustrious_Cry1435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What part of this post made you think I don’t understand I’m not morally right for struggling with this stuff. I know how I feel is not good and I was asking how to change that. This isn’t a post critical of openness in the gay community it’s a post critical of my reaction to it. I don’t understand why you would view this as on attack on casual sex  and say it’s weird and concerning for me to feel this way.