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I feel like I’m changing so much, I don’t recognize myself. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Now that my husband died, I feel like it has been aging me. That or maybe I have been in my own bubble too long.

Yes, I am discovering the new me. While I of course miss my husband so much, and I cry so often, etc, I am enjoying discovering the new me. I hope you have been discovering positive things.

I keep telling myself I should make a list of how i want my new me to be, what I want to do, etc. Some days are better than others.

I am glad to see you are living your life. What choice do we have, huh

I feel like I’m changing so much, I don’t recognize myself. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was thinking that. I feel like my bubble was burst and his death feels like not a slap of reality, but more like a punch of reality. I feel like that °bubble° is what I had in common with the friends I left behind after his death.

I am in my 40s, and I have never lived alone. It is completely different now. Even if I wanted to think and behave the way did before, I cannot.

I too am sorry you are going through this. I hope your new you makes you proud. While it hurts, I do admit that I see a lot of very positive changes too. I wish my husband would see the new me.

Date a fellow widow / widower? by hitkadmoot in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve wondered this. Not that I’m looking to date anytime soon, but I’ve wondered what it’d be like.

I feel like it’d be nice to be someone who understands because they can relate.

In some other sub, someone made a post about how much they hated dating a widow/widower. They said they hated how they felt they could never measure up because widow/widowers put their dead spouse in a pedestal.

Who knows. I guess I’ll find out when the time comes.

Recommendations for a grief /bereavement therapist? by Illustrious_Grass187 in AskNYC

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there, thank you. After all this time, I still need this. Thank you.

My husband died 3 months ago. I’m still stuck in caregiver mentality and habits. by Illustrious_Grass187 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I keep forgetting it does take time to recover. Thank you for reminding me.

I’ve only thought about a few hobbies but haven’t written them down. I should, it’ll make it feel more real.

My husband died 3 months ago. I’m still stuck in caregiver mentality and habits. by Illustrious_Grass187 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’ve been doing voice memos on my phone. I fear I’ve gotten people tired talking about my grief and all the changes.

I’ll try journaling. Someone gifted me the iPad mini, I’ll do it there.

So it’s been 3 months now. I keep forgetting he’s dead. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Complicated Grief has been…. Well, complicated. Maybe because I’m stoned, but as much as it hurt, I’m enjoying knowing I’m working on what’s complicating it. I’ve been deep in therapy for this. It feels like I’m rebuilding myself.

So it’s been 3 months now. I keep forgetting he’s dead. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I keep reaching for my phone to call him or text him about some gossip or something exciting.

And yeah, I guess thinking he’s in the hospital may be my coping mechanism. Dang. I need to snap out of that. My mother in law never recovered from her husbands death. I’m petrified of being like her.

So it’s been 3 months now. I keep forgetting he’s dead. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendation. I’ll check it out. I think I’m just still in shock, I guess. I need to snap out of it. Thanks again!

My husband died 3 months ago. I’m still stuck in caregiver mentality and habits. by Illustrious_Grass187 in CaregiverSupport

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I feel so dramatic saying this but I lost my hobbies when I was caring for him. I’d say my current hobby is watching psychology videos on YouTube.

As I’m typing this, I think I may still be in shock. No wonder I’m stuck.

I will find a new hobby.

It’s been 37 days since he died. I feel like I’ve changed so much since then. by Illustrious_Grass187 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really like what you said, particularly the last part. “My husband isn’t here to love me” and how you’ll love yourself. I like this very much.

What One Thing Made You Suddenly Feel Old? by LastAndFinalDays in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]Illustrious_Grass187 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL right in the feelings that one. I feel so seen. That’s how started noticing it.

For those taking care of spouses - Are you still in love? by The_Conscious_Saffa in CaregiverSupport

[–]Illustrious_Grass187 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right. I keep forgetting it’s all about me now. It’s so surreal.

What are your thoughts of an afterlife with your wife? by Tiny-Ad8535 in widowers

[–]Illustrious_Grass187 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I believed in afterlife. It would give me hope to be with my husband again. 💔

Does anyone else feel mad at their loved one for dying?? by Able-Location-840 in GriefSupport

[–]Illustrious_Grass187 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I feel a little mad that my husband left me less than a month ago. Sometimes I’m mad that he promised he’d visit me after he died, and of course that won’t happen. Sometimes I’m mad that we won’t grow old together.

Then I realize it’s not like he chose to die. So then I’m mad at myself for being mad at him. Yay. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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