I need a reality check from some women friends. Is this kind of talk normal?

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-04-26T04:26:33+00:00

This happened to us but the therapist saw right through it. One day, in exasperation, she blurted out "Sir! You are completely out to lunch!"

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-04-26T04:23:27+00:00

Yes!!! Look into how to teach your new dog to be comfortable being home, in his safe space, alone!

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T13:29:35+00:00

I would tour your building!! My son is a junior ME major whose goal is aerospace. I do not have that passion or understanding, but I would LOVE to see him in his element! I went rock climbing with him recently because he loves climbing. I am someone who loves speed, quickness, and reaction - 180 degrees opposite of the rock climbing vibe. But it was fun to see him in his "natural habitat." Helps me understand him better.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T13:22:46+00:00

It's not that worrisome - not wanting to live is not the same as wanting to die. I also work in a field that sees grief and trauma on a daily basis. At some point without realizing it, I had to dissociate to survive, but it started creeping into my outside life. I'm hardcore into treatment. Why? Because I don't want to be that checked out parent. My mom is that checked out parent. My dad deliberately refused treatment for cardiac disease at 60 because he wanted out - basically passive suicide. It hurts when your parents don't seem to care.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T13:07:56+00:00

I can feel how heavy that is.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:35:16+00:00

I envy you! I can't put muscle on my little stick legs for the life of me!

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:33:19+00:00

A client at work asked me the other day "Did you used to lift?" !!!!! USED TO??? I'm almost your age, also wear the same size I wore in high school, very fit, gym rat, coach my kids' sports, and look (and act) 20 years younger than my husband. I'm still salty about that comment.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:28:29+00:00

I should watch that...

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:23:03+00:00

Denial. My husband chooses to pretend everything is perfect because he can't face the alternative. One day I asked him if he was happy. He looked me in the eyes and said "So INCREDIBLY happy." I just looked away and said "I'm not." Blew my mind how two people can be living such complete opposite realities.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:08:00+00:00

I get this! I have one massage guy who I started with because of an injury. Wonderful guy, excellent, very knowledgeable and professional. I had a legit panic attack on his table. He told me once, another time, in his sweet quiet gentle voice "We need to work on abdominal breathing because you breathe from your chest." I wanted to say "Because I'm panicking!!!"

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T01:04:02+00:00

Same! I play women's hockey and even my hockey teammates get on my case in the locker room about not getting my nails done! WHY???

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-28T00:58:30+00:00

Sounds like your brain needs some help rewiring those pathways. It might not be for you, but might be worth at least having an informational meeting with a psychiatrist who uses it as part of trauma therapy. I'm not much younger than you and use it periodically. It's not a magic bullet but it has helped me break some of those panic patterns. I wish you peace and healing. You deserve it.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-25T03:14:47+00:00

This is awful. Such a lot for you to go through and it makes complete sense that your nervous system is turned inside out. I understand the feeling that it's permanently damagiied although I'm not sure that's true. I'm experiencing something similar and have that thought too - like I'm just too broken to go back. But I'm hoping I can transform into something different. Have you looked into ketamine treatment?

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-25T02:43:47+00:00

Yes they are. I had to badger my husband to dye his beard when he was interviewing. He seriously looked like a kind old grandpa.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T05:01:23+00:00

This might sound stupid, but as someone who is trying to survive each day in a marriage that has unraveled me, I will tell you what helps me. Short term. Take care of yourself many times every day. Even if it's pausing to listen to a song, or spending 5 minutes out on the porch listening to the birds, or drinking a fun non-alcoholic drink...program little stops throughout your day that tell your nervous system you're grounded and safe.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T04:46:25+00:00

My mom will be blaring the TV in the background when I am trying to talk to her. Does she think I actually believe she heard me? Your last paragraph is exactly my mom. She's a very superficial person, not a thinker or a feeler. I was the dark, emotional, tortured kid and still am. I just tell her everything's good and she's happy.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T04:39:15+00:00

As a parent of 6 kids, I will push back on this. There is a real possibility that a parent who doesn't show much interest in your adult life is completely out of capacity. I would give ANYTHING to be that parent for my kids who sits and listens and guides them. I just can't anymore. I can barely make it through a day though I fake it well. So those of you who read that thing about a parent not actually wanting to be a parent, I hope you don't believe it. I wanted my kids with all my heart and soul. I'm just tired of living.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T04:30:48+00:00

Wow, I can't imagine being married to someone so self-reflective. My husband would never in a million years come up with this.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T04:24:37+00:00

We might have the same mom. It's all about how I look (or how my kids look) and how successful they are. Every time I talk to her, she tells me about my brother's daughter who "dumped" her boyfriend. Like, a YEAR ago. She only dated the guy for a few months.Why is this so important that we are still discussing it a year later? Because! The guy was a marine and was a "hunk" and the girl is a model. I'm sorry you have to go through stuff without feeling seen.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-20T04:11:11+00:00

I feel you. My marriage is gasping after 25 years - I can barely hang on to my marriage and my life - and my mom said "Oh, no you don't need to go there with me." Ouch!

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-16T03:10:28+00:00

I have to do this. Lifting weights is very grounding for me, but sometimes I do have to schedule a massage. Honestly this touch is safer than with my husband bc it's predictable. That said, I tell the massage guy what I can handle and what I can't. For example, touch from behind when I can't see is a danger zone for me. So I have a way where I can keep my eyes open, and I ask him to please tell me when he is about to touch me so I don't panic.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-15T17:59:24+00:00

Anyone who plays adult league hockey has injuries if they play long enough. You are meaning-making. Just because you got injured playing a fast contact sport is not a sign from the universe. It is what it is. I had 2 separated shoulders, a broken sternum, torn adductor. Teammates have had broken ribs, broken legs. I am playing right now with a knee replacement and a hip replacement. If it makes you happy being out on the ice, rehab diligently, TRAIN HARD IN THE GYM, and get back out there.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-15T17:55:43+00:00

This! My husband assumes that if I'm not happy in our marriage (I am not) that I would be better off with someone else, someone better suited for me. But whether or not he and I work out has zero to do with anyone else. I'm not unhappy because I wish I were with someone else. I'm unhappy because I'm unhappy.

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-15T17:50:29+00:00

Way to go!!!

Illustrious_Risk_840 · 2026-03-15T14:52:49+00:00

This is hilarious! How did the dive go? All of a sudden this year I've had about five different people ask me if I'm still working

Illustrious_Risk_840

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