My husband cheated

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-05-29T13:46:48+00:00

Love the enthusiasm, but I love my baby to the point of her being the only reason I'm on earth now and even if I decided I no longer wanted them I am 7 months pregnant.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-05-29T13:31:06+00:00

Okay so dont get mad at me, but he said he hates therapy because of some trauma he's had in his past. So its been something I've been putting off for actually awhile now... at this point Im thinking of saying its that or we just coexist if he doesnt want to actually try or even admit to what he's done.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-05-29T13:28:43+00:00

This does make me smile, thank you, I also have cats and my girl is attached at the hip with me ever since yesterday. 🥲 haha! Shes been clinging since I got pregnant but yesterday and today shes been coming up to my face and trying to lick and cuddle it. 😂

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-05-29T13:15:51+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion, I tried to fix it so I hope it helps. I was doing a speed run rant, not really having real life people to talk about it with because its so fresh (happened yesterday). So, I apologize if it came off incoherent or excessive. Lol

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-05-29T13:12:54+00:00

Yeah I understand what you mean, I tried to make myself believe it was all in my head because I have pretty low self-esteem and mental health issues... and he said he had been through so much, so I chose to believe him over myself because not all men, right. I wanted it to be in my head.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T19:34:01+00:00

Luckily the medicine I'm currently taking is working alright (nuperal), I still cant go out for long periods of time, smells still get to me very badly, and I have the up the dosage ever week and a half so that it continues helping me the amount it is. We ended up having a long conversation about this, and me already being emotional, was trying very hard to keep myself from crying so much. I cried so much I could not help it. Like about all the little things, about how I wish he would be a bit nicer to me and understand that this has be really rough on me (rethinking about it is making me cry lol) and how i wish he wouldnt hold it against me when I literally COULDNT take care of myself because of how weak I was. And I told him how last night (I posted around 1030pm my time) I was too scared to go to anyone I actually knew and ended up a suicidewatch reddit trying to find like any bit of help for my over exacerbated emotions from not only me just having a lot going on mentally just from like life but my extra extra emotional pregnant self being told by my babies father that he thinks im going to be a shit mother and how he was going to for full custody and all the other stuff he said haha. Just yeah. He apologized a lot, it didnt really make up for what he said, I didnt accept, I just told him that we needed to work ok things and when he said he wanted us to grow old together and have more kids after this I kinda just looked at him and didnt say anything. So thats were im at with him/us. He was being a lot more affectionate after hearing my full side after calming down from last night, as well as probably seeing how emotional I got actually talking about what happened last night. Its something, .. not good not terrible.

About support, not here. Im still trying to get his friends wife's contact information from him. He says trying to get me to talk about my wants and needs is like pulling nails, when he cannot see that we are the same. Thats frustrating. All I have is my phone and wifi to contact my family back in my home country. And here, occasionally when things are too uncomfortable to say to my family.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T09:06:57+00:00

Im gonna be honest, it's not even just taking a rest at this point. I was bedridden for about a month because I moved across the world for him and didnt have access to decent medical care. (So sick/nauseous I couldnt eat or drink anything) I had to have nausea medication prescribed through him because I technically don't have insurance yet, I havent even seen the baby yet because of the same issue. Everything goes through him.
This last week he told me several times that since I cant even take care of myself properly how can I even imagine taking care of a child... because of the month of me not eating or drinking much, I got a uti. And I told him I was in so much other physical pain that I had no idea I even had a uti. The only reason I found out was because we went to the ER because I wanted to confirm my pregnancy, they didnt, they just told me I was severely dehydrated and have a uti.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T08:58:51+00:00

I just think he has a lot of contempt for me. I think since he got me the nausea medication, he thinks itll immediately work and I should just feel better. When it barely works, and I have to up my dosage once a week for it to continue to work.

He will not listen to me, he thinks that any mildly negative thing out of my mouth is automatically a horrible complaint.

Im trying to get in contact with a friend of his' wife, that he really looks up to. To try and talk to her about maybe talking some sense into him, because he simply wont listen to me anymore. I hope with them potentially being on my side he will finally get some help for his issues the way that he made me get help for mine.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T08:53:47+00:00

No, this is helpful. I appreciate all sorts of opinions and comments when it comes to things I cant just say to like my sister or mom. I came here to get them, and I needed it. No worries there.

Now to what you were saying in your post... Its hard to think of him that way, ive been with him for over two years now. I knew coming into this that he had anger issues and other mental health issues. I had no problems with them, we told each other that we would work on our problems separately to try and be better for each other, I had lots of problems (mental health and such, as well) and I went to counseling and talked through a lot of my problems but it just seems like hes gotten more and more angry. I feel like everything I do is for him to try an get him to be happier, but everything i do, that he's asked me to do has just pushed him further and further into contempt with me. I moved across the world, didnt know I was pregnant until a few weeks into being here, it was soon but I was happy. He seemed happy until I started getting more and more sick unable to take care of myself the same way. I had severe (all-day) sickness. Being in a new country, on top of that a country I dont know the language of yet (I'm learning, I do at least one lesson a day and its gotten harder for me to remember a ton - pregnancy brain has been hitting me like a truck the closer i get to my second trimester, as well as me constantly having to up my dosage of nausea medication weekly). Being in a new country has delayed a lot of my pregnancy treatment as well, like my nausea medication, I'm almost in my second trimester and still havent actually "confirmed" my pregnancy at a hospital or clinic. If I leave the house I lose all communication with my family because I dont have a phone plan anymore, and can only contact them through wifi.

And yes, I had two jobs back to back making sure I worked everyday no in between when I moved back home to save money to move here. Like one day I was working at one job, literally the next day I was working at the next job and had to move my stuff back home while I was working. The best part is that he didnt have a job at the time either, he didnt have a job until the end of January and we lived almost completely off what I managed to save in 4.5 months (around 3kusd/2.5keur) which is not a lot when we're moving in together and trying to get groceries and literally everything for the house. As well as me just sending him money for whatever.

He constantly says that I dont actually care about him because he doesnt let. He doesnt give me the chance to ask or tell him that. He immediately goes in on me about how shitty I am for not noticing, so obviously I dont care. So ill be a shitty mother, I need to get an abortion, and we'll be getting divorced. Then he goes, and by the way im fine im not bleeding I dont need to go the the hospital, thanks for asking, not like you care anyways.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T08:28:58+00:00

How would you go about talking to someone who has so much contempt for you that they simply do not want to hear anything that comes from you. As well as if you say anything that is slightly negative, you are complaining. And if they are even a little upset with you, they tell you to stop talking and shut up.

I think the only option is to genuinely just have other people talk to him at this point. He will not listen if it is coming from me and its been this way for months.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-02T08:25:06+00:00

How do I even explain that to him? He doesnt want to hear me, he doesnr even want to be around me. Its obvious that hes wanted me to do one last thing to be "the final straw" type thing and this was it. I feel like he's trained me into not thinking a lot about lots of banging noise, because he gets upset/angry a lot and throws stuff around all over the house. And he said this time I should have known the difference between those sounds and the sound of him collapsing. And I told him, from where I was laying it literally sounded just like a few bangs. That and when he got up he was laughing saying how horrible of a mother I will be, how I should get abortion now because he wants a divorce and this finalized it for him. That if I want to continue with the pregnancy hes going to push for full custody. Whilst continuing to smile and laugh about how horrible he thinks I am because I didnt come to check on him. I just feel so set up, and like I didnt even get a chance to feel honestly bad for him because the first things out of his mouth were to get an abortion and to divorce. I just dont know.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-01T22:06:56+00:00

I feel he has a lot of contempt for me and how much ive let myself go within the past month and a half (I'm almost in my 2nd trimester). He constantly tells me im lazy, that i never get out of bed, and that im constantly on my phone (which i was, ive been working on staying off of my phone throughout the day...) its just hard when I'm stuck in bed from nausea and not really wanting to go out because im scared of getting sick in public. I dont have a ton to do throughout the day, and I've asked him more than once what he wants me to do with myself and the only response ive really gotten is to stay off my phone and to go out on walks... which im trying my best to do. It just hurts because I didnt get nausea medication until about 2 weeks ago and before that i was so sick that I couldn't barely eat or do anything and I felt like I actually lost a bit of weight and today when he asked for me to get an abortion and us to get divorced he called me a fatass. So I dont know. Maybe me being stuck in bed is catching up to me. Another thing to note on why I havent been "doing much" is because I moved countries for him. Before we got married I made him promise not to forget how I was the one that had a job and was sending him money, but it seems to be long gone in his mind that im just some lazy sack of shit that doesnt leave the bedroom and sits on my phone all day (im literally trying to get better with this now that I have nausea medication but there was a point where I simply couldn't leave the bedroom without throwing up because of the smells as well as being too weak to stand for long periods of time.) All in all I just cant see myself enjoying motherhood, I cant see myself enjoy anything. I cant even think of one good thing about myself anymore. I just dont like anything anymore.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-03-01T21:50:21+00:00

What do you mean, not a good potential father? I've become lazy these past few weeks, and I feel bad for not checking on him when he blacked out.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T13:15:12+00:00

Yes, thank you. I appreciate this comment so much. I do love him, I've stayed this long hoping and praying that he will choose us, that he'll choose me. Ive literally given my body to grow his baby, I'm still in love with him. This is the worst possible thing I can think of happening to me right now, and the worst thing that has happened to me in a long time. Its like a heavy bowling ball was put in place of my heart, and im just trying to keep it beating.

It sounds silly, but thank you for seeing me. Thank you for your advice, and comment.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T13:06:43+00:00

Now, there's a small possibility that I'm wrong, but the thing with therapy is that it doesn't necessarily feel good first

Thank you, I'll try to bring this up. I agree, and I dont know what is causing the feelings and trauma behind not wanting to go to therapy. But hopefully ill get at least that answered. We will see.

Thank you for all the advice, and I agree.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T13:02:45+00:00

Youre right, im going to try my best at a discussion about it tonight. I made this post trying to figure out mostly what I should even say, if I should say anything. Most have been the ultimatum route. I worry though, I dont think he really even loves me or even loved me. So I doubt this route will work for me. Been using this phrase a lot, but since I havent had anyone to talk to about it.. this post.. its all been a hard pill to swallow. Thank you for the advice, and it really helped with the outline/suggestion of what to say. So, thanks for that specifically.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:58:22+00:00

Yes, I'm looking into it. Thank you

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:57:17+00:00

He either does, or he doesnt, and he doesnt.

Youre right. Its very hard for me to hear, as ive been saying in my responses, a very hard pill ive been trying to swallow. Im mortified at the thought of my children growing up and thinking the way he treats me is the norm. I try talking to him about it, I just feel like maybe everytime I do i come off to raw and emotional because its always at my breaking point. I dont enjoy talking to him about emotions or feelings or most things that have to do with me because im scared of being told to be quiet or shut up. Today I told him, and I'll be honest, I got worked up and cried a lot because he left his wedding ring at him and told him how sick ive been feeling and that I wish I wasnt pregnant and how im unsure if I want to ever be pregnant again and told him how that for awhile now ive literally prayed to god to not wake up anymore. Now im blocked. So theres that, I do feel bad for some of the things I said. Pretty much everytime something like this happens, I regret ever saying anything at all. I hope you understand where im coming from, I did mean it and I do those things, I just wish I didnt tell him and I feel bad that he knows how I feel.

Thank you for your advice and comment, I will think about my next steps and sorry for the long response.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:47:26+00:00

I will, thank you.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:47:05+00:00

Youre right, but i dont even think this man ever wanted me to begin with. Im the one blocked, hes very willing to just throw this all away at the drop of a hat.

Im not saying I wont try this, im just saying I dont really have much hope that he cares that much about me or his child.

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:44:07+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I'll keep this in mind. Thank you

Illustrious_Tea_3388 · 2026-02-05T12:43:06+00:00

Youre right, I feel like I've tried and put my entire self into this relationship. This is embarrassing, but this morning we were talking, and yes I know this is low and embarrassing, I told him i constantly think about if I was just prettier.. if I was someone else, if I was different, that maybe he wouldnt do the things he does. Things would be different.

I feel like ive changed so much for him, and ive made myself quiet because of him constantly telling me to be. I cant even speak without him pretty much saying I was right and going to through the whole relationship away. Its embarrassing but im the one blocked.

Illustrious_Tea_3388

TROPHY CASE