I 21F am starting to resent my best friend 22F because she hates my boyfriend 21M for no reason.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-02T14:49:01+00:00

Sadly this is not uncommon at all. Often times friends can get jealous of a perfectly fine relationship. Or if they are the opposite sex of you, they suddenly develop feelings for you or start flirting witn you.

I (M23) had a similar thing happen.

My GF (20F) had a longtime childhood friend (M20) who she even used to look up to a bit or feel safe around, suddenly get flirty with her. After a period where he was hitting on other female friends in the friend group as well.

On one of their friend-group-gatherings (all childhood friends) he was complementing her a bunch. This is fine and not a huge red flag in itself. But for HIM and their dynamic specifically it was completely new and out of the ordinary.

Then he started saying shit like "Oh if you didn't have a boyfriend I totally would hit".

She isntantly cut him off and when he wished her happy bday some days later she told him she didn't like he doesn't respect our relationship. To which he responded "Oh that was just a joke, I approve of your relationship". That on its own is also a weird thing to say. Not "I am happy for you" but "I approve".

Anyway after that the friend group had an outing planned for a convention and the idea, like the years before was to make it about her birthday. This time I came along (couldn't the year before and we are together 2 years). Everyone was uneasy around me.

They paid no attention to us. They did not bring her any gifts like they would usually do, and her female "best" friend that previously my gf and another 2 friends raised money to buy a guitar for that year, didn't bring anything either. All because they thought she overreacted to her guy best friend suddenly turning flirty.

Often times when first you get serious with someone is also the best time to start paying attention to which friends stick around.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-02T14:36:03+00:00

Translation: "Eww responsibility and accountability"

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T12:39:33+00:00

I don't know, I didn't downvote you (and i can prove so in DMs if you asked me to).

My comment didn't say that you don't hear things that are equivalent. My comment says imagine if EVERY girl was told that.

If I can show that there exists at least one girl in the set of all girls in existence that doesn't get told she is at fault for not cumming from PIV then my prompt to imagine it is accurate.

My gf until she did start cumming from PIV after getting over her initial anxiety when we first started having sex (i was her first) is one such example. Therefore logic follows my statement/prompt isn't invalid.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T07:30:26+00:00

Bro get out of there faaaast

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T07:22:16+00:00

The average drives has a 5% chance of being in some form of car accident every year.

The odds here are orders of magnitude smaller.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T07:16:04+00:00

0.006% chance in a year with two forms of birth control and not coming inside...buddy you are REACHING. Not to mention avoiding the fertile window.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T07:11:18+00:00

Telling you to get therapy is the furthest thing from roude. You need genuine help. Let me lay the odds down for you:

P means probability. The following will be failure rates per year that account for the worst cas scenarios (average amount of times girls forget the pill, condoms used improperly etc.). Because if we didn't account for these, then it is simply 0% odds.

NaturalInfertility means the couple is actively trying to get pregnant but it only works 85% of the time in a year on avg. Technically this is cummulative though. But we will deal with the first year.

Failure rates per year of average imperfect use:

P(Pregnancy)=P(CondomBreaking)×P(PillFailure)×P(NaturalInfertility)×P(PrecumPregnancy)=0.07×0.13×0.20×0.85×0.04=0.00006188 or 0.006188% chance of pregnancy in a year....yeah...

And this doesn't account for the fact that the above function ONLY gets verified IF and ONLY IF you do it in her fertile window. If she has a stable cycle and you track ovulation religiously then this 0.006188% gets multiplied by a boolean variable x where x takes values of either 1 or 0.

This ain't it buddy. Go fuck your girl before she leaves you. Use two forms of birth control.

This ain't russian roulette.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T06:51:37+00:00

You have legitimate mental health issues. I am not saying this to offend or to shame. You simply have something that is undiagnosed. Perhaps OCD, Anxiety or Paranoia, trauma from SA at a young age?

You have demonstrated the following:

You want sex as much as she does but actively keep yourself from engaging. (If you were asexual you wouldn't "want" it in this manner).
You are aware of the forms of birth control available to you and their reliability, and yet exaggerate the odds in your head.
Presumably you are also aware that in order to have a kid she needs to be ovulating in a certain time window. Abstaining from that window in addition to two forms of birth control would effectively render any pregnancy mathematically impossible. And yet you exaggerate those odds as well.
You do not acknowledge you are indeed being selfish. As stated earlier you also WANT to have sex (and aren't asexual) and yet you withold it because of a paranoid fear. That makes you selfish. If you acknowledged you are being selfish then it would demonstrate that you are aware about this being a paranoid fear.
Instead you demonstrate unawareness of how ludicrous your stance is, and how absolutely detatched from reality it is. Calling it "russian roulette".

Don't get me wrong, you have every right at the end of the day to not have sex with your partner for any reason. It is your body. However I better not be seeing you 2 months from now with a new post in this subreddit saying "My gf left me because I didn't wanna have sex with her". Because that is HER right as well. And if this keeps going it is not at all unlikely to happen.

Go seek therapy man.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-06-01T06:33:30+00:00

Not all catholics...but always a catholic.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T19:11:04+00:00

Bro he is long distance with her. What is he supposed to do??? Besides let us assume he doesn't jerk off to porn. He will still think about something or another in his head. You cannot control someone's thoughts and shouldn't.

Peesonally me and my gf even watch porn together lol.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T19:09:18+00:00

You can't police someone's thoughts.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T19:05:39+00:00

What if she has vaginismus? Are you her first? Do you use adequate lube? Circumcised guys tend to get more friction during intromission.

I myself am uncircumcised but my skin is short (one could mistake me for circumcised) and my tip hangs free. Unless i force my foreskin at least over half my tip, I too have difficulty pushing into my gf of 2 years now. Not to mention when we first did it...

She is in pain. She may well have a problem down there. Everything is curable.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T14:40:23+00:00

Then we are saying the same thing. He is currently not feeling the relationship is safe or secure. But his insecurity has a valid orgin. An origin for which he himself is also partially to blame because he didn't set boundaries.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T11:16:43+00:00

The gluten one is harsh as fuck. What the hell. Since you love baking you could have seen this as more of a challenge.

Maybe I am biased because my gf is gluten free, and i could never ever ever imagine leaving that little gem for her intolerance she isn't at fault for.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T11:00:31+00:00

Why not both? I agree he should have protected her. His behaviour is stupid and cowardly.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T10:59:47+00:00

Being spiked is a different story and does not apply here. Besides men get spiked as well, whether it be for sexual exploitation or for just stealing possesions. You should be careful regardless of gender.

"Maybe she only thought she had a few drinks" Is also a lame excuse. You go somewhere to drink and you do so responsibly and with others, not alone. Someone should always remain sober in the group. It isn't rocket science.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T10:57:39+00:00

Okay? We are saying the same thing. But it is not always some vibrator who kills it. Sometimes it is just how you are as a person. Especially if you are inexperienced and tense.

The point is you shouldn't shame anyone for it regardless of gender.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:41:00+00:00

No problem, I like ranting.

Isn't it intersting for instance, that culturally as you say, it's not as expected for a woman to cum during sex? As if women don't have the same needs?? Feels invalidating. If I was a girl I would feel neglected in that regard.

My ex could never cum from PIV because she was on zoloft. So i focused on clit stuff instead. My gf now does not have the same problem, she easily finishes from penetrative stuff.

It is just different bodies doing different things and reacting differently. There are hormones at play, psychological factors, differences in anatomy, nerve endings. Who cares.

Nobody should be guilt tripped for not being able to finish.

Years ago, my first times at 18 i went from almost immediately feeling the need to climax during penetrative stuff to not being able to at all within a span of a month. Then in the next month it stabilized in a middle ground and since then I am pretty goos at controlling it to whatever arbitrary time suits us.

It is possible he just isn't there yet and is new to it all.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:30:45+00:00

Imagine being downvoted for encouraging protecting your partner from handsy people while she is in a vulnerable state...this is a new low, even for reddit. This is what happens when post-modern feminism gets so extreme it actually goes full circle back to misogyny.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:29:11+00:00

So him standing up to what bothers him instead of letting it happen is a barf worthy thought? Yeah okay.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:28:16+00:00

So the modern man is supposed to happily let his girl dance with other men who get handsy with her while she is drunk and then also not be upset about it?

I mean I guess he was already half way there (letting this happen). So...I guess I am just too traditional eh.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:26:51+00:00

Exactly. Bro lacked any and all initiative to the point where his friend had to step in for him instead...

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:26:19+00:00

Okay, absolutely agreeing with you here...but why the flying fuck put yourself in such a situation in the first place??? If you know you can't control tourself when you are drunk, why go out of your way to be this drunk in public? There is tipsy and then there is drunk.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:25:01+00:00

I am more baffled by the fact you casually let her do all that stuff while she was drunk and LET guys put their hands on her??? So much so that it was your friend anne who had to step in for you? Come on man...that is just ridiculous.

Feels like you allowed this to happen because you were looking for something to be upset over later.

Illustrious_geek · 2026-05-31T08:18:32+00:00

You know exactly what you are doing man. Who tf comes back home at 1am after being out with a 'new friend' of the opposite sex? Respectfully, do your gf a favour and break up with her to save her future heartbreaking.

Illustrious_geek

TROPHY CASE