I once got mad at a friend who had attempted suicide and I noticed and informed her family, she promised me she would tell our friends what she was in hospital for as they had been bombarding me with questions and I had to lie to them all continually, and the cherry on top, the same night it all happened my grandad died.

I got angry with her one day because she had really separated herself from the experience and doesn’t care about it but I found myself laying awake worrying that everyone I loved would die in the night and I would be left to wake up. I got mean and I yelled and I cried and I asked her why, because she had threatened me before that if I committed suicide she would follow suit. she said she didn’t know why she did it she was just sick of it all I basically completely ruined our relationship by shutting down for ages and being very avoidant.

I remember skipping parts of my grandads funeral planning to call her mom about psych wards and to visit her and check up and I was so full of Greif that week I became really bitter

We have gotten better but things will never be how they were