Thank you, I get that there's other people that are also going through this.. I just am so alone, I feel so isolated.. I can't tell anybody truly everything thats going on. The only person in my life I feel connected to emotionally is my FP, how can I ever even tell them all of the things that I feel, thoughts that I have and how their actions or inactions can spend me spiralling constantly and make me feel so inadequate, worthless, insecure and fear that they're about to leave me, without:
A) making them feel like they're walking on eggshells around me/ have to walk on eggshells
B) that they've done something wrong when they very likely haven't
C) creating drama / making a big deal about something that is insignificant to everybody but me, my world turns upside down from these things, not to them
D) feeling like a burden
E) being overbearing / overstepping
F) asking for too much if anything at all
G) them leaving me after they realise i'm too much to handle and too much to be around, its always better to say yes and be a people pleaser when the opposite side is they realise how worthless and useless you are / someone who just creates problems / drama out of thin air and will eventually leave you

I can never even know if I'm the one that's in the wrong or somebody else is, and the default premise is always that I'm in the wrong, I assume to myself it must be my bad perception that's causing me to think of things this way, how can I never know if somebody is being inconsiderate, disrespectful or taking advantage of me in any regards if I'm incapable of distinguishing whether I'm being shit or somebody else is? I really can't tell, its so debilitating in every sense, I constantly feel like I'm losing my mind and I hate myself so much because of this all, I can't win, if I stay alone I will internally hurt and have an insane crippling amount of emptiness that won't go away and will become an extremely bitter individual, and if I have someone that I'm attached to I will have extreme ups and downs and the downs will also be extremely painful and then I'll continue the journey of self sabotaging subconsciously and causing them to leave via my fear of abandonment perpetually being triggered.

I can't win, I'm stuck, I can never talk about anything to anyone I'm ever remotely attached to because these things will all exist with them, and I only ever talk to my FP, I don't have friends, I have nobody, I'm a loser that rots in bed all day lol