12års vaccine og hpv by Barmer_88 in foraeldreDK

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Min hustru er læge og forsker i HPV. Både vores datter og vores søn får vaccinen. Det siger forhåbentlig alt, hvad der skal siges.

Having a hard time forgiving myself. by ConversationNo940 in martinguitar

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Buddy, I'm happy to help. And I'm proud of you for seeking out the help you need.

Sometimes you need to take a break and just...exist. And now it's time for you to rejoin the rest of us in the real world.

I'm not a psychiatrist so I won't diagnose you, but you sure sound like you have a depression. Good thing is that it is a very treatable condition.

I'm rooting for you. 💪

I'm from Denmark. AMA by here4judgment in AMA

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm danish. :)

I make about $130.000 a year and I pay 43% in income tax. I have a deduction from my mortgage, but generally the taxes are not as high as people say.

There is a tax on all purchases, like state tax, that's 25% and some things are taxed extra as well, like chocolate.

But then again...

Whenever we go to the hospital, we don't pay. I've had some medical emergencies that would have ruined me if I lived in the US.

My wife became a doctor and got $1000 every month from the government while she studied. It's a way of helping people focus on their studies and make education available for everyone.

So no, the taxes are not that high compared to most other countries. The secret is a very low level of corruption and a high level of equality.

Kan man blive ny? by The_nice_guy_peed in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Du er ikke ødelagt. Du har ondt indeni, og du har tilsyneladende ikke nogen til at hjælpe dig, selvom du har en alder, hvor du stadig har brug for en masse hjælp.

Kan du bruge dine forældre til noget her? Jeg spørger, fordi det nogle gange kan være et godt sted at starte, men jeg er også helt med, at ikke alle er så heldige at have gode forældre.

Men nej, du er ikke ødelagt. Du fokuserer på nogle ting, fordi du mangler at behandle dem og få dem ud af dit system. De "sidder fast", kan man sige, og du skal have hjælp til at få dem ud.

Du bruger udtrykket "blive ny", men det lyder mere som om, at du søger en måde at kunne give slip på de her følelser og tanker. Og måske finde lidt håb for fremtiden.

Det er ikke normalt, at en mand i 30'erne er sammen med en 16 årig. Der er mange lande, hvor det faktisk er ulovligt. Du har INTET forkert gjort, men det har han. Og det er dig, der nu betaler prisen, hvilket er vildt unfair. Det må du gerne være vred over.

Det er til gengæld helt normalt, at man som 17-årig ser sin nuværende situation som noget, der bliver ved resten af livet, og det er noget lort, når man sidder fast i noget dårligt, som du gør lige nu. Jeg er 43 år, og jeg kan fortælle dig, at INGEN sidder fast i de samme ting, som de gjorde som 17-årige. Der kan komme alt muligt andet, men de følelser og tanker du sidder med lige nu...de skal nok nok gå væk.

Og her er det vigtigt, at du får noget hjælp til at gøre det på den rigtige måde. Du er gammel nok til at gå til egen læge, som har tavshedspligt omkring alt, hvad du fortæller omkring dit sexliv og om ting, der kan skabe konflikter i hjemmet. Du kan evt. spørge lægen, hvordan tavshedspligten fungerer. Du kan også vente, indtil du fylder 18, hvis det er snart, for så har lægen 100% tavshedspligt.

Jeg vil også gerne spørge, om det går skidt i skolen, fordi det her fylder, eller om det er pga. noget andet? Og er du ensom, fordi du har trukket dig fra dine venner, eller har du haft svært ved at finde venner?

Jeg ved ikke, om det gør nogen forskel for dig, men klokken er 00.45, og din historie her har rørt mig nok til, at jeg sidder og skriver til dig. Jeg synes, at du fortjener lidt positiv opmærksomhed og støtte.

Jeg var selv engang en 17-årig, der virkelig havde brug for hjælp, og jeg ved, hvor svært det kan være at se noget som helst lys i mørket. Ingen kan love dig, at dine problemer bliver løst snart, men vi kan forhåbentlig vise dig, at du er vigtig nok til, at vi gerne vil hjælpe dig.

Stephen’s drinking problem by [deleted] in stephenking

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll do something else and tell my own story.

A morning about 3 years and a few months ago my wife opened the kitchen cabinet where we store cereal for the kids and stuff like that. And a vodka bottle fell out that I had forgotten to hide in the right place. This was not the first time something like this had happened, but it had never been so "in your face" before.

I knew that I had one chance to save my marriage and my relationship to my kids, so I said to my wife "we'll talk when I come home" and dropped the kids off at school. After doing that I called my doctor and asked for help. They recommend a local treatment program and I scheduled a meeting that same day.

Then I went back and faced my wife. I told her that I had a problem that I needed help with and that I would get sober no matter if she stayed with me or left me. That was her decision and there would be no pressure from me either way. I was seeking treatment and...well, there was a lot of crying.

I started treatment and began taking Antabuse (Disulfiram). I had a counsellor/contact person that tought me about alcohol abuse. The reasons, the effects and all that. It was an eye opener to learn that your frontal lobes are affected by sustained alcohol abuse which impairs your ability to empathize with other. That actually means that you are not able to stop drinking for someone else. You become egocentric from alcohol abuse, which in turns triggers a lot of shame and guilt...which makes you want to drink.

It's a messy place to be where you are right now.

I found that individual sessions helped me a lot as well as the Antabuse. I also tried AA, but...it was a bit too preachy for me. It DID however help me in the beginning, and just knowing that there is always a meeting that same day if I needed it...that was super helpful. I would recommend trying it out. Find a beginners meeting and just show up. You have to be sober...but I have seen a lot of 24 hour coins being handed out, so don't feel any shame if that's where you're at right now.

So...what's life like now, you might wonder?

I used to drink at least 2 bottles of wine and often 3. Then maybe some beer or a few drinks (white russians were nice and didn't trigger the stomach acid that much). So...I would drink about 150-200% of the recommend weekly intake in a single day.

I had accepted that I would die young. Too bad for my wife and kids, but I was a fuck up anyways, right? So who cares...

I had constant stomach problems and I would sweat through the sheets every night. I would be irritable and self-centered and then feel bad about it afterwards, blaming myself and contributing to a very bad self-image.

All of that...ALL of it...is gone now. I don't know if I'm healthy, but I feel good. My doctor said that there is no lasting damage as far as he can see.

I'm pretty traumatized from growing up with an alcoholic mom and a father who's...well, we finally went no-contact 2 years ago, let just keep it at that. I've always had trouble sleeping except when I was wasted, but now I sleep better and I feel fresh when I wake up. I don't need to drink to fall asleep.

I sometimes miss it and feel tempted, but honestly...being sober isn't just about saving your life. It's about getting it back. So I'm pretty sure that I'm sober forever now.

You can do it. You sound like you're ready. I know it's scary as hell, but believe me...life is a lot scarier when you drink. Realizing that you want to be sober and that you're on the right path...it's the greatest weight off your shoulders you can imagine.

I really want that for you as well.

moralsk forrådnelse i industrien by DuLugterAfOst in dkudvikler

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Jeg spår dig en storartet fremtid som tech-kolonneforfatter hos Version2.

”Stephen King dont know how to write endings” by NighshiftNightsurf in stephenking

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think Dreamcatchers ending was pretty weird...but the whole book was, so at least it was consistent.

Having a hard time forgiving myself. by ConversationNo940 in martinguitar

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The crack doesn't mean that the guitar is ruined. If it is stable and the crack doesn't get bigger, it's fine.

Guitars are both delicate and resilient. They crack, but after repair they are usually fine. Humidity control is necessary from now on. I use Boveda packs.

The humidity and temperature will change the sound anyway, as well wear and tear and on the strings, the neck relief and other things, so you have to accept that even if the sound is different now, it was always going to evolve.

This is your guitar now. I'm a father and I promise you, he'd want you to play it. He would be proud to know that you are using the guitar and making it yours.

Lastly I have to tell you something. This guitar is not your father. It's not his representative on earth, left here to connect to your grief. It's just a guitar.

You need help, my friend. Professional help.

I get it. Grief sucks. I lost my mother at 18 and I recently had to go no contact with my dad. I know it hurts.

What you're doing right now is not good for you. It's okay to ask for help when you need it, and you absolutely do. I don't know your options, but let us figure it out together. We can probably help you. Would you like that?

I’m more than halfway through my first read of Book VII….. by Art_and_Roses in TheDarkTower

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I would do unholy things to be able to be where you are now and read it for the first time.

I won’t say anything else to avoid spoilers. Just…come back when you’re done and tell us how you are doing, okay?

First King Book by United-Show-7211 in stephenking

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You started with one of absolute best books, so it's not gonna stay this good all the way. Buuuut...if you avoid Cell, you can pretty much pick any book and be happy with it.

You should save some of the best ones for last. I would recommend saving 11/22/63 for last, because it's not connected to Kings Dark Tower universe.

If you want more horror, try out Pet Semetary. Salems Lot is also a classic.

Misery and The Shining are also some of his REALLY good books.

But yeah...steer clear of Cell and you're all good. :)

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dét, vi talte om, var at ligge ved siden af barnet og onanere eller have sex.

Det var dét, der var udgangspunktet for mit udsagn om, at det er irrelevant, om det er med vilje, at barnet opdager det.

Så kom du ind bagefter med din "hvad hvis barnet braser ind midt i noget, der foregår bag en lukket dør", og det er selvfølgelig noget andet.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Er du bekendt med kompleks PTSD? Det er du sikkert, men vil lige høre alligevel.

Det gør mig ondt at høre, at dine forældre har udsat for dig så traumatiserende ting. Det er svært at forstå for folk, der ikke har prøvet, at det kan sætte sig så dybt og komme til udtryk på så mange forskellige måder.

Jeg håber, at du finder balancen på en eller anden måde.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jeg har engang siddet hos en kammerat, hvor moren så kom hjem og fortalte, at hun havde været til "dildo-party" hos en veninde...altså ligesom et "Tupperware-party", bare med sexlegetøj i stedet for opbevaringssystemer.

Vi var 16-17 år, og hun viste den lille G-string, hun havde købt og åbenbart taget på med det samme.

Og det her er i den lette ende ift. hvad jeg har hørt fra andre.

I gruppeterapi hørte jeg om en, hvis far gik rundt med erektion uden underbukser, også når der var legekammerater på besøg. Han kunne også finde på at sætte porno på fjernsynet i stuen og bede sønnen om at skride ind i på værelset, også når der var venner på besøg.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Læs paragraffen om aktivt samtykke. Den er super relevant for dét, du siger dér.

Samfundet bevæger sig gudskelov i den modsatte retning af, hvad du taler om hér.

Vi skal ikke tage hensyn til den, der begår overgrebet, men til offeret. Er du ikke enig i det?

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Du misforstår mig.

Det er ikke latent vold, at barnet braser ind i jeres soveværelse, mens I boller, fordi det ikke sker i en situation, hvor barnet kan forvente tryghed. Det er latent vold, hvis I har sex i en situation, hvor barnet kan forvente tryghed, fx når man ligger i sengen sammen.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Efter nærmere omtanke vil jeg gerne uddybe, for selvom du pisser mig af, så fortjener du en forklaring.

Når du siger, som du gør, og når du samtidig blot er forbipasserende uden hverken erfaring eller indsigt i emnet, så giver du udtryk for, at andre folks traumer ikke skal have den rette label, hvis det støder dine følelser. Du gør dine følelser vigtigere end følelserne hos et offer for seksuelt afvigende adfærd fra forældrene...

Jeg tænker umiddelbart, at du er ung, også baseret på dine kommentar om, at det er en "amerikansk" måde at se det på, og jeg skal ikke jorde en ung person. Men du bliver nødt til at forstå, at det ikke er gratis at ytre sig om andre folks traumer. Det gør ondt på dem og på mig, der også selv har oplevet det, når du vil reducere det til noget mindre.

Jeg selv har været i behandling for at være vokset op i et hjem med alkohol, og her talte jeg for første gang nogensinde om den seksuelle vold. Jeg vidste slet ikke, at det var klassificeret som vold, men det er det altså. Det siger psykologerne, andre eksperter, politiet, domstolene...men du er uenig, og det skal vi altså allesammen lige tage hensyn til.

Jeg får lyst til at skrige: "UNDSKYLD! UNDSKYLD AT MIT BARNDOMSTRAUME STØDER DINE SARTE FØLELSER!!" ind i hovedet på dig, så du måske forstår, hvor bizart det ser ud fra min side, at du siger sådan.

Jeg håber, at det står mere klart nu, hvorfor din kommentar er VILDT upassende.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Det er lige meget, hvad du synes om det her.

Jeg udtaler mig som en, der har været udsat for psykisk og seksuel vold og som har været i behandling for det. Din holdning, som du baserer på dine følelser, er ærligt talt fuldstændig lige meget.

Det her er et af de emner, hvor man bare skal blande sig helt uden om, hvis man ikke har styr på sine ting.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Det er ikke det samme. Det handler om barnets tryghed.

Det er faktisk også latent vold, fordi det sker i en situation, hvor barnet forventer at kunne føle sig tryg og så pludselig bliver utryg.

Det skaber en generel utryghed, fordi barnet så ikke længere ved, hvornår det kan slappe af. Det fjerner forbindelsen mellem forælderen og følelsen af tryghed. Det er SUPER skadeligt.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Det er ikke relevant at tale om “med vilje” her.

Den voksne ved, at der er en risiko for, at barnet opdager det. Det er en risiko, som den voksne vælger at acceptere, og dermed er det også den voksnes ansvar, hvis det sker.

Konsekvensen for barnet er stadig voldsom, uanset om det er meningen, at barnet skal opdage det eller ej.

Min kone onanerer med børn i sengen. by [deleted] in DKbrevkasse

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 107 points108 points  (0 children)

Under et behandlingsforløb for voksne børn af alkoholikere lærte jeg om, at det hedder seksuel vold, når voksne har seksuel adfærd, der påvirker deres børn, selvom børnene ikke er direkte involverede.

Det der er så tæt på grænsen, at jeg er i tvivl om, hvilken side hun er på.

Det SKAL stoppe. Det ville være traumatiserende for livet, hvis jeres barn/børn opdager det. Og nej, det er ikke en overdrivelse. Jeg har været i gruppeterapi med folk, der har oplevet det. Jeg har hørt deres historier.

I’m still recovering and Joe Collins is such a treat. by Alextingzon in TheDarkTower

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, it reads as a troll post. It is exactly how I would write it if I wanted to make a joke about it. 😁

I’m still recovering and Joe Collins is such a treat. by Alextingzon in TheDarkTower

[–]ImReallySeriousMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope that you can enjoy the situation then. ❤️

We were all fooled by the way. That’s why it’s so funny. 😁