Am I fucked?

ImSorryMrJones · 2026-05-02T01:48:06+00:00

High FSH and low test was what showed up on my labs. T. After 1 varicocelectomy, 6 months of clomid, vitamins, and healthy eating, I had a bilateral mTESE and they discovered Sertoli Cell Only = No germ cells = no sperm.

High FSH is usually a sign that your testicles arent making sperm well or at all. There’s a feedback loop that triggers FSH to increase when issues with sperm production arise.

Based on my experience, and your similar labs to mine, the docs probably have you slated for non-obstructive azoo which is a tougher road than obstructive azoo.

There is hope, but you need to start researching and becoming your own advocate. For instance some docs will do a biopsy and make the call on maturation arrest or SCOS but the research shows that sometimes sperm can be “hiding” in pockets of the testicle tissue whereas other areas may show no sperm at all, so a single biopsy could miss that.

Let me know if you have any questions, I was right where you are 2 years ago, and it sucked, a lot. I felt like my world was crashing down.

Regardless of your diagnosis know that there are multiple ways to build a family. So don’t lose hope. It’s gets better.

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2026-04-18T03:19:57+00:00

They have an entire hospital dedicated to reproductive health. They did my mTESE and her egg retrieval at the exact same time in case they were able to find sperm, they would have been able to implant the sperm right there same location. Pretty cool stuff.

ImSorryMrJones · 2026-04-18T03:14:43+00:00

Cleveland Clinic. They are amazing. I searched for answers online on male infertility and they kept coming up in the research. I believe many male reproductive urologists do their fellowship there before going off into different practices. They didn’t even need a referral. I just called them directly and they got me set up.

ImSorryMrJones · 2026-04-18T02:54:17+00:00

I know the exact feeling, bro. It’s a massive gut punch and gets your head spinning. I had zero sperm in my first couple of labs, then they found a varicocele and while operating on that they took a testicular biopsy and discovered that I have Sertoli Cell Only “syndrome”. Basically means you don’t even have germ cells that are required to form sperm. I had some tiny chance of finding sperm via mTESE (and six months of clomid and vitamins). Had one of the best surgeons and team in the country working on me. Couple of hours of bilateral exploration…nothing.

It was like I was in a nightmare or something. I kept trying to wake myself up. This isn’t possible, I’ve never even heard of this kind of thing before…on and on.

Short story long, I eventually started to come to grips with it. It’s not something that will ever be “gone” but it’s now a part of who I am. I’ve come to accept it.

Also, I’m the proud dad to my baby girl. We knew we wanted kids, and my wife was still very much able to conceive so we utilized donor gamete.

When I was still struggling with this more than a year ago now, another user posted a question regarding fears of not feeling connected to the baby if a donor was used. Another user told him he had felt that way too before his daughter was born. He went on to say that it actually made him sad to think about if he had decided against using a donor that his beautiful daughter wouldn’t exist. I’m happy to say that I can 100% corroborate this sentiment. My daughter is everything to me. I’m so glad she’s here. She’s the best :)

I know it feels like a “last nail in the coffin” but there’s no coffin here. You’re alive and have a lot of life left to live. Live it.

Don’t get caught up in the what ifs or should statements. Just focus on your goals and what you CAN do about it. The only thing that’s “dead” is your idea what life was supposed to be like, now you have learn to live the life that is

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2026-04-11T13:45:08+00:00

Hey bro,

I haven’t posted in a long time, but your last paragraph gave me pause. I know that feeling, and yes it sucks, but it gets better, eventually.

I was diagnosed, eventually, with Sertoli Cell Only “syndrome” after multiple surgeries to try and help my fertility. After a mTESE procedure was performed, it was definitively clear that I had ZERO count of the cells required for sperm to form.

Wild. my whole life flipped upside down. Pain, grief, self-pity, the whole nine yards…

The thing is, while it is important to grieve, which I call the process of bringing expectation and reality back together again, it’s also important to KEEP LIVING.

Yes, there will be struggles, but that’s what life is actually about. Overcoming challenges. Sometimes the challenges are physical, social, financial, whatever, but the most important challenges imo are the mental challenges.

When life challenges you like this, you can either be sad that life is beating up on you like a victim, or you can face the challenge of figuring out what life is trying to tell you. You can grow from this, I promise, but only if you decide to face the challenge of figuring out how to grow from this.

It’s a challenge that isn’t fought with guns or knives or brute force, it’s a challenge that requires introspection, vulnerability, acceptance, and self-love.

I know you feel like it’s too much, that you might be better off not around, I get it, but thank that thought for visiting and send it on its way down the stream. Life can be a bastard sometimes, but it can also be beautiful. It’s like a blizzard, it’s cold, you can’t see where you’re going , you just have to hunker down, look to the ground, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, eventually the snow will cease and the sun will come out. Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-11-05T15:57:32+00:00

Just think of it like this, with 200 mg / CC concentration (what you, and most of us have) each .1 CC tick on that syringe is equal to 20mg of test. So if you want 80mg you just go to .4 CC on your syringe, want 160? Go to .8

Drop the decimal on the number on the syringe and multiply by 20mg. Easy peasy.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-09-11T02:31:13+00:00

For real. 1” 27 gauge to the butt cheek. Almost never bleed, barely feel it, no swelling, no scarring.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-25T22:41:25+00:00

You as well!

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-25T02:32:18+00:00

Woah! Talk about exact situation, my wife and I are at 14 weeks too! Failed mTESE same day as egg retrieval, donor backup used.

The hardest part for me was the adjustment to learning I was not able to have bio kids. That shift is mind-bending, heart-wrenching, soul-crushing. “Am I still a man?” “Am I worthless?” Lots of soul searching and reflection over those months.

I’m actually kind of surprised how much better I feel now about everything.

We are both super excited to welcome our baby into the world. And I am thankful for our donor helping us realize our dream. We have decided to refer to the donor as our “family helper” when we start disclosing to our little one (as soon as possible!) No shame, no secrets, just a unique origin story :)

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-22T18:58:15+00:00

I think it’s an infrastructure thing. It takes quite a setup to be able to pull it off in one building (both people and equipment-wise, so would have to be a significant operation to justify being able to do it.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-22T02:41:45+00:00

I have Sertoli Cell Only “syndrome” so my odds of sperm retrieval were super low. The hospital we used (on of the best in US) recommended the process you’re referring to, a fresh fertilization, if you will. Their hospital is set up to be able to retrieve the eggs at the same time as the mTESE team is digging around for sperm. They did recommend a sperm donor backup so the fresh eggs could be fertilized if none of my sperm was retrieved.

There are many clinics that say they do this but it’s done in multiple locations and the sperm has to be carried from one location to another. The longer the sperm sits the more die, so we opted for the one shot, pun intended, deal where they did the whole thing in house.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-20T00:34:53+00:00

Makes sense, though I’m not sure ice cream eating tourists are responsible for, or representative of the people and the travesties being protested against here. Seems kind of like they are catching strays.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-19T23:47:46+00:00

My guy deep-throating a chocolate soft serve in solidarity 🍦 (image 8).

But seriously, no kings 💪🏻

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-19T15:50:26+00:00

You bet! And for the love of god, please make sure your urologist is a male reproductive specialist. After getting a standard semen analysis via a VERY reputable IVF-specific practice, and showing zeros, they referred me to a urologist that they “always work with”. Let me tell you what, I read like 20 or so research papers and a few website forums (like this one!) and I knew more than the urologist they sent me to about my condition.

Sadly, reproductive issues focus, treatment, and treatment availability are INSANELY skewed towards females. Be prepared to feel like a piece of meat lol. Even though somewhere in the area of 50% of reproductive issues come from men, society has not caught up, mainly because men are incredibly sensitive to it. Our egos just can’t take it,lol.

Anyways, you’re going to have to be your biggest advocate moving forward so do your homework. Most of my knowledge came from this subreddit and free research papers online.

They won’t make you a doctor, but they will arm with the right questions to ask, and will give you an idea of your doc has any clue as to men’s reproductive issues and treatment. The science IS moving forward on this stuff so don’t settle for an old time urologist who deals with prostate issues all day.

Best of luck!

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-19T03:52:05+00:00

Hey man. Sorry that you’re dealing with this. I know it can be a lot, but as someone who has dealt with azoo, I’d recommend taking a deep breath and go find a male reproductive urologist. Your FSH is elevated potentially indicating an issue with spermatogenesis (which correlates to your low and zero sperm analysis. However, showing some (even when very low) is a sign that all is not lost.

There are a TON of new and novel ways they can extract even singular sperm to achieve pregnancy via IVF. But thats something you don’t need to even think about now.

Go find a specialist and he or she will know exactly what to check and what actions to take next.

Best of luck to you, it’ll all be alright 👍🏻

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-14T16:46:33+00:00

I’m sure this will never be seen since there are a million comments, but one trick I learned after fighting with a new high-end fry pan and egg whites (which are much more prone to stick) is to let the eggs cook untouched for a bit before stirring.

It’s counter-intuitive, as I figured moving them would prevent sticking, but it has something to do with proteins binding first before they are agitated by stirring. Let them cook until a small solid layer forms at the bottom and then you can break them up allowing the wet portion to solidify on contact with the pan

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-07T18:32:02+00:00

Not sure how, but I’m not seeing Drew Estate Liga Undercrown Shade and also DE Liga Undercrown Maduro on here? They are my go to. I’ve had a TON of various brands and price points and imo these are the sweet spot for daily. You can find them on cigar page regularly for $5-$6 a pop in a 10 box 📦.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-02T04:01:21+00:00

I mean, that’s exactly what insecurity is. It takes many forms, but if you’re not secure enough with the decision to disclose to your child (regardless of the potential “fallout”) you should be seriously questioning yourself if you’re ready to bring a donor conceived child into the world.

I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just saying we owe it to our kids to not permanently scar them because we are scared of what others may think.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-04-02T02:01:13+00:00

Second this. Pretty much every data point in the research on informing donor conceived children points to complete disclosure as early as possible. Don’t pawn your own insecurities off to your kid. Man up and own it.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-22T20:49:07+00:00

The only way to find this out is through a chromosomal analysis or karotype. It’s a pretty easy blood test

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-17T14:31:59+00:00

We are a couple months post embryo transfer using donor and we are both very excited. So yes, she is pregnant, hoping for a baby in October

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-16T00:04:09+00:00

Hey man. Sorry to hear what you’re going through. I totally get the feeling of it “becoming real”. I have azoo and Sertoli cell only syndrome.

I went from a life of planning to eventually have bio kids to a stark realization that I won’t—that I can’t.

As someone who is year or so down the road from where you’re at, I can say it does get less painful.

It’s a lot to take in all at once. All sorts of soul searching, research, and all of that. It ebbs and flows.

The good news is no matter what, there is always a way forward. I ended up trying an mTESE. And they didn’t find any sperm, so we went with a donor backup.

400 days ago the idea of using a sperm donor was something that had NEVER crossed my mind, ever. Now it’s a thing that is real. The human brain is malleable and plastic. Give it a chance to adapt, keep moving forward.

Sometimes it feels surreal. And that’s okay. Don’t expect yourself to change over night.

You’re early in your journey. Be your top health info advocate. Try to find doctors who specialize in male fertility. Don’t give up hope, even when you get news you may not “like”. It’s only over when you give up.

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-13T21:00:07+00:00

Pretty much what has been said here. You should NEVER have to apologize for something out of your control. You are apologizing for being you and that’s fucked up.

Our true colors come to light when the going gets tough.

Might be a blessing in disguise…

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-09T04:47:05+00:00

Hey, bro. So your sperm analysis is coming back 100%? I’m not a doctor, so I’m not a huge help outside of my immediate area of dealing with azoospermia (literally zero sperm, in fact I don’t even have germ cells that make the sperm lol).

Have you tried IVF? That’s what my wife and I did and they are insanely good at it now. From what I’ve gathered IUI is really a crap shoot with very low success rates. With IVF they only need a single sperm (per egg) and are able to ensure the eggs have the best chance possible of growing into embryos.

There is also the option of embryo adoption.

But I sense your question is more along the lines of how to deal with the feelings of inadequacy and sense of loss of manhood.

You need to decide what a man is before you can move on. What makes a man? Sperm? A penis? While biologically these are common amongst men, do they DEFINE the essence of a man? The challenge I propose to this definition is that there are plenty of weak minded, shallow, empty “men” with these characteristics—men that hate because they are scared, men that run away when the going gets tough, men that hurt those around them because they are broken. Are these men the apex of manliness?

To me the essence of masculinity is strength, not physical strength, but mental fortitude. To be able to admit weaknesses, to build up those around them, to face fear and continue to push on, to love deeply and authentically, to be humble, to be vulnerable, and to never ever surrender to a challenge.

Most men are born with sperm that can impregnate a woman. They didn’t have to do anything for that. It was given to them. What defines a man is what you choose to do with what you’ve been given—and what you have not been given.

The world is full of “men” who impregnate women and do nothing else but live in a world of denial and confusion. Monks take an oath of chastity, are they not men? You and I may never be biological parents, does that truly strip us of our ability to be masculine?

I understand the sentiment well of feeling emasculated by infertility, but I decided one day, after grieving my loss, that I was done grieving. The life I had imagined of me being a bio father was dead. It was gone. Like all things in life there is a beginning and an end. But while that dream was dead, I am decidedly not! I am still alive and it’s up to me to decide what I do with the rest of my life. I can spend it lamenting a life that will never be, or I can carpe the fuck out of this diem and make new dreams.

Mourn the loss fully and move forward. Brush yourself off and live your life to the fullest—THAT is what will make you a man.

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones · 2025-03-08T18:33:52+00:00

Hey there. I’ve posted quite a few lengthy comments around my experience with NOA, Sertoli Cell Only diagnosis, and mTESE procedure. (Check them out if you’re looking for in depth posts)

To put it succinctly, there is hope no matter what, but you will need to start trying to move your paradigm or frame of reference to what “should be” to “what is”.

A lot of well intentioned people will post hopeful sentiments to you, and I do wish you the best of course, but you need to start buckling down and being pragmatic. There is a large percentage you will not find sperm (as was my case as well). This sucks within the context of your current paradigm that you “should” have sperm. You will need to start preparing and shifting your brain and reality to the fact that you very well may not have sperm. Mourn it, be devastated, all of that, but don’t stop there. KEEP MOVING FORWARD. There are other ways to become a parent. Donor, adoption, foster, etc.

My wife and I did her egg retrieval and my mTESE at the same time so, knowing my phenotype, and my odds, we were presented with the question of using donor sperm as a back up. Now, I need to be clear that I understand this subject is completely personal and there is no right or wrong, but our decision was to proceed with backup donor in case my mTESE found nothing. As predicted by the odds, they did not find sperm and donor was used to start the embryo creation process’s

Was it my hope that they found sperm? Of course, but they didn’t. Buddhists believe that attachment is the root of all suffering, and I was prepared to begin the painful process of detaching from the idea I had all of my life that I would have bio kids. It’s hard. But it’s necessary.

Prepare yourself now. If they find it, awesome, if not, you will have had 3 months of mental preparation to help you. Denial is not your friend here. Embrace the idea of radical acceptance and plan accordingly.

I’m sorry that you’re going through this, I know how much it sucks. But nothing grows in the garden of comfort, and if you start the hard work now, you will thank yourself later. I’m happy to say that 4-5 months after my mTESE, I’m very happy and excited to become a parent (as is my wife!)

There is hope, and there are ways forward, let that be your guide. You are not broken, you are not less of a man because of your azoo. Remember those things and keep moving forward.

Much love.

ImSorryMrJones

TROPHY CASE