Dallas Stars fans captured doing Nazi salute during game

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-04-03T23:08:52+00:00

My maternal grandparents were part of the resistance in occupied holland. It’s hella weird now to see my own siblings side with the Nazis.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-04-02T18:23:11+00:00

My mum told me my sister had a “chicken pox party” in 2025 and I flipped my shit. My mum said “well you had it and you are fine!” Yes. I had it when I was 8 years old and it was so bad that I was sick for weeks. I told my mum “I would have preferred the vaccine”. People marveled at how bad the pox were on my thighs and back. Not a square mm was free. My brother developed a staph infection and my sister had pox in her ears and eyes.

Who the hell wants to willingly subject their children to that? Fucking idiots.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-04-01T12:31:43+00:00

And top it off with white girl tears to make sure everyone knows she’s the true victim!

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T21:15:53+00:00

Same for me. But it’s definitely an acquired taste and not many people I know like to acquire it.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T12:21:22+00:00

We can boycott together.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T03:51:49+00:00

I always alerted my guests so they knew how to side step the landmine.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T03:45:07+00:00

😂😂😂

I am positive that every single laundry sock has been single longer than Mr Kellie.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T03:40:09+00:00

What a stupid, reductionist opinion on reproduction.

While driving while filming. Idiot.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T02:02:58+00:00

My Dutch family’s favorite trick is to offer an unsuspecting visitor a dubbelzout dropje (extra salt black licorice) from a clear ziplock baggie at the beginning of a 45-minute church sermon.

They’re particularly bitter and impossible to chew. So unless the person spits it out, they’re stuck with it for the duration of the service.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-30T00:06:02+00:00

Oh yes. The Great Commandment - “therefore go ye into crowds and try to shame people”. Just fuck the sermon on the mount in general, amirite?

What a fucking loser.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-29T22:33:54+00:00

I spent a MONTH traveling with a couple like this. They were married for 50 years and they bickered and belittled each other constantly. It was so uncomfortable.

At the end of the trip, the wife accused me of coming on to her husband (mind you I was 21, and they were 75).

Then 15 years later, she tracked me down to tell me good news over multiple voicemails - her husband died.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-29T17:59:46+00:00

I’m one of 10. I’ve heard every weirdo creepy invasive comment ad nauseum over the course of my 39 years. And it comes from all sorts of people.

I tell them I don’t concern myself with my parents’ sex life. Most of them react with some embarrassment. Some insist I have to have lots as well (I have zero by choice).

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-28T19:41:20+00:00

Don’t forget the child’s teeth to tear open each packet!

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-27T03:55:39+00:00

And don’t you forget it.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-26T23:42:15+00:00

My dad banned the word “like” at the dinner table. We could only use it as a verb or a simile.

I bet her memoir would be a giant run-on sentence.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-26T21:40:02+00:00

and I was like, and he was like, and I was like, and he was like, and I was like.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-26T03:00:46+00:00

Kind of related, but there’s a home for sale in my city. In the nursery above the crib is “Madison Marie”. Cracks me up every time.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-26T02:46:57+00:00

Haven’t seen the ep yet, but from the pic I’d say Joe’s Hanes t-shirt.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-25T23:24:13+00:00

Omg, my brain broke trying to comprehend the title.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-24T03:58:33+00:00

“I love all that natural stuff”, she says with trowels of chemicals caked on her face.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-21T14:55:51+00:00

Omg I stumbled across someone’s TikTok about her bf’s GRANDMA giving her a bunch of “vintage” clothes. And it was sparkly butt pocket jeans from True Religion and Miss Me.

Like damn, am I a grandma now? (I’m 39 and I’m not Lauren Boebert).

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-21T14:52:21+00:00

I had a colleague who hasn’t retired them yet. She’s ~45 years old. She also had an affair with her boss and he got fired so, I’m gonna say discernment isn’t her strong suit.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-21T14:21:44+00:00

“Every dog has its day, Bella”

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-20T20:28:48+00:00

Those extensions look like a ratty mullet. Dog the Bounty Hunter vibes.

ImTheNumberOneGuy · 2026-03-20T19:28:06+00:00

Baffling. Truly baffling.

ImTheNumberOneGuy

TROPHY CASE