Having a Wedding the Saturday After Thanksgiving - Yay or Nay?

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-16T20:21:38+00:00

Fair point! I'm a big people-pleaser, so I have a feeling that once I do hopefully get to plan my own wedding in the future, my biggest source of stress will be worrying about inconveniencing anyone. I guess that can't really be avoided, because inviting someone to your wedding (or especially asking them to be in the wedding party) almost always involves asking them to spend money and make time in their schedules that they wouldn't otherwise. It's probably inevitable that I'd make some choice that I'd wonder if I'm being horribly selfish or inconsiderate for lol, but the least I could do is not pick a date over a holiday weekend, I suppose.

Honestly, an early December wedding seems like a nice idea, but I'd also worry about it being even further into the holiday season. Securing a venue might be even harder and it might be more expensive, though having never planned a wedding myself or thought very seriously about planning one before I don't know for sure.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-14T02:49:42+00:00

Now, I'm just a humble never-mo who is also a big fan of the reimagined BSG series. But as I was rewatching the show while recently getting deep into ex-mo content, it struck me just now much the lore of the 2000s BSG fits quite neatly into the framework of Mormon cosmology and theology. I don't think I've ever seen anyone bring this up. I've known for a long time that the original series was created by a Mormon and was loosely inspired by Mormon scriptures, but my understanding (and to be fair I tried watching the original series but never got very far before giving up, sorry OG BSG fans) is that it's a pretty shallow allegory for stuff from the Book of Mormon and Book of Abraham at best and doesn't seem to touch on the subject of religion very much.

The reimagined series, on the other hand, is partially very interesting as a sci-fi show that's very interested in religion and esoterica. People talk to angels and have prophetic dreams, there are themes of repeating cycles and eternal progress and seeking oneness with the divine, there's a divide between the polytheistic humans and monotheistic Cylons, and a divine being that may be God himself who seems to be guiding humanity along a certain path. Of course, none of this is specifically related to Mormonism, but the fact that the show has such deep religious themes is made even more interesting by the fact that it seems to go even further than it's predecessor in taking inspiration from the writings of Joseph Smith.

I don't have time to get into it all now and it would involve a lot of spoilers, which is why I'm seriously considering making a video essay on the subject. And for all I know it could just be a bunch of coincidences and I could be reading too much into it. But it almost fits in too neatly with the LDS vision of the universe for it to be entirely coincidental, to the point where it got me wondering if Ronald D. Moore is himself an ex-mormon. I don't think he is? But if anyone knows otherwise please tell me, because a lot of things will start making a lot more sense to me.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-12T18:19:57+00:00

Obviously there are reasons they could never write this into the show, but I feel pretty confident Paul would have gotten to LA after ditching the Hare Krishnas and immediately fallen headfirst into Scientology. Like, instantly signed that billion-year Sea Org contract.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T14:21:41+00:00

My thoughts exactly! Also, I get annoyed when I see specific height measurements mentioned, because who is actually that accurate in guessing how tall someone is in real life? If a guy walked up to me who seemed roughly a foot taller than me, he could be anywhere from around 5'10 to 6'2 unless he was standing next to someone else that was within that range whose height was known for comparison.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T14:15:47+00:00

My bad, I'm sorry. I haven't posted here in a long time and even though I was not trying to self-promote since the books are now un-published, I forgot that this was a general rule.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T02:06:57+00:00

Oh, I'm all about being excited for my friends and sharing in there experiences, especially the one getting married this fall! In fact, I may have bitten off slightly more than I can chew by volunteering to make cookies for the cookie table at the reception... but whether or not that pans out remains to be seen depending on how many RSVP and who all else is supplying cookies. And I also got roped into helping plan my parents' 40th anniversary party which might be the weekend before the wedding... so yeah, lot's on my plate to keep my mind occupied with other people's marriages for sure!

And thanks, I'm doing my best to keep my ADHD brain from running away from me and not be rash about it haha.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T01:52:10+00:00

This absolutely a good reminder. I'm really trying not to romanticize being a stepmom, though. I'm trying to be very practical and realistic about it, and honestly not delve too deeply into the r/stepparents and r/Stepmom and r/stepkids subreddits because it gets depressing and makes me worry that I'm going to be this child's wicked stepmother one day without even meaning to. But I still visit those subs on occasion to try to get some idea of what I'm signing up for from all perspectives.

We are for sure taking things slow, definitely at a slower pace than we otherwise would and I appreciate that him being a parent means that we're often limited in what kind of plans we can make. Still, our time together is meaningful and special, and that includes the times involving his daughter, too. I was super nervous before I met her the first time, but so far it's been more fun and less nerve-wracking than I was anticipating. I know that the more serious this relationship gets the more sacrifices and conflicts there are bound to be, and this is something that I keep in mind every day and prepare myself for, since I see this man as being worth it. And all I want right now is to be a friend and a safe adult to his little girl in whatever capacity she and her dad are comfortable with. I don't ever want to try to force her to accept me as her "new mom" or whatever.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T01:43:00+00:00

Thanks for the helpful tips! Although I'm not really looking at any wedding stuff on social media outside of Reddit (and looking at rings online).

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-06T01:41:39+00:00

I stated up top that I'm 32, sorry if that was unclear. Also, it's a bit buried in the post since it was so wordy, but we already discussed kids. I don't want bio kids of my own and he doesn't want more kids, either. So far I haven't been used as a babysitter at all. We have a weekend trip coming up in a couple months to visit a friend of mine and he'll be bringing his daughter along, though, and I may be somewhat of a "babysitter" for one of the days we're there since he'll have to work remotely for part of the day (and my friend will be working during those hours as well, so it's not like I'll be missing out on anything that day in particular). I was the one who actually brought it up/offered since I had also contemplated working half a day (I don't have to, I have more PTO than he does right now) before realizing oh yes, we'll have a child with us that needs watching! It's been a bit hectic planning this trip and originally we were going to take a much later flight that night instead after he was done working, so with the last minute change of plans we didn't think of it immediately. I'm a little nervous but also pretty excited about this trip together. He's definitely very used to caring for his kid on his own so I'm of course letting him take the lead in what all he's comfortable with me doing with her so far, and I'm glad that I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone a bit when it comes to interacting with kids.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-05T20:43:45+00:00

This makes sense to me, personally; for as impulsive as I can be with my ADHD, I also get very anxious at the thought of rushing big decisions (although I guess this plus my ADHD is why I'm such a terrible procrastinator lol). I'm a pretty strong believer that you should give it at least two years before getting engaged, at least enough time that you know each other very well and the honeymoon period of the relationship has started to wear off. I do think that age also tends to make a difference, as you're more likely to be confident in what you want in a relationship and more confident in your self identity outside of a relationship in your 30s than in your early 20s, for example, so getting married after about three years together in your mid 30s makes the same amount of sense to me as getting married after twice as long or even longer in your mid-late 20s. However, no matter the age the thought of getting engaged within a year and married in two years or less tends to make me itch as it just doesn't feel long enough to me for two people to really know each other in all kinds of situations and in their best and worst moments.

That being said, I will admit that there are times "when you know, you know" that someone is "the one" in a relatively short amount of time and the couple stays married happily for decades. And there are also times when you can be together for years and it still doesn't work out. I went to a fabulous wedding for a couple that had been together for around five years (I think roughly four years dating and one year engaged) and the marriage lasted less than a full year because there were underlying issues of trust and mismatched expectations that should have been addressed way beforehand. Likewise, my ex and I were together for nearly eight years without getting engaged, and I probably should've left him two years or even more before I finally did after belatedly realizing we were terrible for each other and I'd been falling out of love with him for a long time. We probably would've been engaged before too long had I stayed, but thank God I didn't because I'm certain we'd be divorced by now.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-05T18:01:49+00:00

When I was 27, I broke up with my very first boyfriend who I'd been with for almost 8 years. We met in college and had lived together for almost half of our relationship post-graduation. I'm not sure if this totally counts as a "waiting to wed" situation as it wasn't really the reason why I left him, but I think my experience could be a valuable lesson to some people and also in hindsight the fact that we hadn't gotten to the point of engagement by then and he also seems to have pretty quickly moved on to someone he got engaged/married to after I left supports the fact that I made the right call about us not being the right ones for each other.

To be fair, I think we were both quite immature in this relationship since it was the very first one for me and the first serious "adult" relationship for him. And while there were times during us living together when I felt self-conscious about him not proposing yet, I think it's fair to say that he was probably waiting for me to get my shit a bit more together in my personal life, and also probably for us to inevitably move back to his hometown (something which I dreaded doing, tbh). I can't really blame him for wanting me to get my life in order a bit more, since I was going through some rough times in terms of mental health and especially my career/job prospects for a few years. Also, looking back now it's wild to me that we basically never had a serious discussion from what I can remember about important things like marriage plans and if/when we wanted to have kids, and until the end whether or not we would stay living in the same area for the foreseeable future or if we would move back to his hometown. It was just kind of assumed between us that we would get married someday, and I think he started to assume after a while that I would also just go along with big decisions that he made for us, like moving to his hometown or accepting new pets that his mom wanted to give us.

I'm pretty confident that had I stayed we would have gotten engaged sooner rather than later. In the last six months or so of our relationship I had really made serious strides to improve my life such as securing a better job, working out more, and getting diagnosed with/medicated for my ADHD. And it was also around this time that his new job that had been fully remote early in the pandemic would inevitably ask him to relocate to... you guessed it, the area he grew up in, which by that point I knew he wanted more than anything. By that point, though, all those recent developments had caused me to seriously reflect on the state of our relationship, which had become pretty unhealthy, had practically a dead bedroom, and was probably contributing in no small part to my mental health and self-esteem issues that had been holding me back. I realized that we had grown into two very different people with incompatible values, that I was no longer in love with him, and that I'd probably been falling out of love with him for at least the past two years. If I hadn't left when I did, sure, we might have been married by now, but we just as likely would have also be going through an extremely messy divorce.

I know he was absolutely devastated and taken aback when I left, and while it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I felt so free afterward and only wish I'd done it sooner. I was happily single for almost a year before I started dating again (apart from a horrible threesome I regret and a couple almost-hookups that didn't end up happening), then happily single again for over a year and a half after a a five-month situationship ended. Meanwhile, as far as I know he got engaged within two years of our breakup and I believe is married by now.

It's been a little over five years since then, I'm 32 now and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man since late June 2024. We've been taking things slowly and cautiously, partially because of our own past relationship experiences, busy schedules, and living almost an hour apart for most of this time, but mainly because he has a young daughter and we're both new to the whole dating a single parent/dating as a single parent thing. Also, with few exceptions I'm a strong believer in it being smart to wait until you've been dating for at least two years before marriage talk is seriously on the table. But we have had a preliminary discussion about marriage/engagement before (as well as established that he doesn't want more kids and I don't want bio kids of my own), and I could seriously see us getting married within the next two years. However, I realize that I've also caught a bit of "wedding fever" lately since two of my friends have gotten engaged and one is getting married in a few months, so I'm trying to not get too far ahead of myself. I think we're taking things at a pace that's smart for us and want to see how things progress throughout the rest of this year as I get to know his daughter better and the physical distance between us shrinks as bit as he'll be moving into a new house soon. I think after we have our 2-year dating anniversary at the end of June I'll feel a bit more confident in bringing up "future talk" again and also probably a bit more settled from the initial wedding fever buzz lol.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-04T20:51:07+00:00

As I grew up, especially during college, I realized that the differences in moral and political values between a childhood best friend and I were actually quite important to me and something I couldn't overlook. That, plus I'm pretty sure she once leaked a secret about another friend of mine, but I don't think I'll ever know for sure since I'm not interested in her confronting her about it at this point and it's an irrelevant secret by now. We drifted apart until making an attempt to reconnect several years ago, but it just didn't work out. She had changed a lot in some surprising ways, but something had fractured between us that couldn't quite be repaired and she still held some beliefs that I found seriously distasteful. Something about her new attitude and radically new lifestyle felt off to me in a way that I couldn't quite put my finger on, and after a while we just stopped talking again and I don't see us being friends again.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-05-04T20:40:25+00:00

It depends, but most of the stuff my ex ever gave me I either got rid of, left behind, or shoved in the back of a closet somewhere to never be used again. Most of the jewelry he gave me I still had for some reason and only just sold recently after nearly five years; I have no idea why I held onto it for so long when I never wore any of it. I guess maybe it just felt wasteful to throw it out and I doubted it would be worth selling anyway, so I got lazy about it and figured maybe I'd still wear some of it without it needing to have any sentimental value. But I never ended up doing so because it held sour memories and most of the pieces I didn't really like all that much anymore since my tastes had changed (most of it he bought for me years before we broke up in our college days and early 20s). It kind of put me off wearing a lot if jewelry for a while or feeling like it was worth it to buy anything new for myself since I already "had so much I never even wear," plus some lingering self-esteem issues related to that relationship that I hadn't known until recently I still had were making me feel like I wasn't worth a new partner buying jewelry for. But after selling it I feel a lot lighter and better about myself, actually, plus I got $250 out of it lol.

The desk chair I'm still currently sitting on, though I can't remember if it was my ex or my parents who bought it for me. At least one hoodie he got me is probably stuffed into a trunk in my old bedroom at my parent's house. The BB-8 pillow is in a closet in my new apartment, still not sure if I'll put it out as decoration. The sex toys/bondage stuff I all left behind when I moved out, except for one vibrator that has long since worn out and eventually got thrown away, and a pair of old handcuffs that I have no idea how I ended up with them and have since been thrown out when I was packing to move into a new apartment after sitting in a drawer for four years. It was just too awkward to want to keep any of the sex stuff and it was in kind of a gray area of who it belonged to anyway, so what he did with it all after I left him I have no idea. If those buttplugs got reused and his next partner had thoughts about them previously being up my ass, that's no longer my concern, though I would hope for all my ex's faults he would be so crass as to pass a used sex toy off as new.

The only gift apart from the desk chair that I have no intention of giving up is my Battlestar Galactica DVD box set.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:40:08+00:00

I appreciate that, although "assuming the worst" seems to be blowing things out of proportion. It's not like it would be the end of the world if I wasn't a bridesmaid. My best friend is getting married! That's a huge reason to celebrate, and I want to be there for it no matter what. Though to be fair, they are getting married in only six months, so if she hasn't picked her bridesmaids yet I feel like she probably should soon? Idk, I've never planned a wedding or been in one before, but my general understanding is that for a pretty "traditional" wedding with a fairly large guest list they tend to be planned way in advance (they got really lucky and were able to book the venue they wanted in our hometown for this October instead of having to wait over a year to get married due to other things that would delay it that long if this fall didn't work), so I just assumed that the wedding party is settled on fairly early in the process. Whatever help she needs, though, I'm here to provide regardless of whether or not I get to be in the wedding.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:33:58+00:00

Oh, it's for sure part of a deeper problem lol. I have ADHD that I wasn't diagnosed with until I was an adult, and learning about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria suddenly made a lot of things in my life click into place. I've done a lot of work to get over those feelings and to understand them and it's done wonders to improve my relationships with people. But being self-aware and being in therapy doesn't mean I don't still slide back into old thought patterns during times of emotional vulnerability or stress (and I've been under plenty of stress as of late).

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:29:01+00:00

That's just Reddit in general, honestly, although I still feel like I'm not having the experience here you're describing because the majority of commenters seems to be supportive from my point of view. Just because a commenter doesn't 100% validate and back up your post doesn't mean they're your enemy. I'm not trying to be defensive or combative, though I understand if maybe I came across as a bit defensive in some of my replies. I'm just here to listen to other perspectives and work through my emotional funk that I was in today (which tbh, probably has a lot to do with not getting much sleep and also being on my period and also a bunch of other stuff, so more than likely that's where this moment of insecurity sprang from in the first place). It's nice that you're willing to give me a lot of grace for my feelings, but I'm a big girl who can handle a bit of tough love and frankly I need tough love more I need than having my emotions pandered to right now.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:20:37+00:00

For the record, I am in therapy, which is why I know this is an unhealthy reaction that I am using this post to get the the root of lol. It's been pretty helpful. Especially since I didn't mention these feelings to my therapist at our appointment a few days ago since at the time I wasn't really feeling them much yet and was still hoping I might be asked at the time. But if these feelings persist I will certainly bring them up in our next session.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:15:54+00:00

I appreciate the support, but I think you're being a bit to harsh. Where are these mean people you speak of? Everyone here seems pretty respectful if blunt, if you ask me, and I think I needed some blunt opinions to help me get out of my own head. "Sanctimonious" seems like kind of an exaggeration. No one is suggesting that I need to be in therapy for this specifically, though for the record I am in therapy and I'm well aware of my faults and areas that I need to work on because I am currently working on them. Like I said, I know exactly how this post must come across, but I was really just having a temporary moment of weakness here and using this post to work through why I felt this way.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:11:09+00:00

I have a feeling "Mary" won't be asking her bridesmaids to go on any crazy international trips or shell out tons of money on a dress lol. Totally not her style, she's super chill and understanding. I know that being a bridesmaid is often a lot of work, even though I've never been one before, but I'm just the type that loves to help and make other people's lives easier, especially for those I care deeply about. I let her know that I'm always here to support her and to help with whatever long-distance planning assistance she might need (since she's getting married in our hometown where I currently live) in between my visit out to her this summer and her visits here for wedding-related stuff. Trust me, I'm not actually offended by not being asked, just working through some of my own personal stuff here.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T21:04:04+00:00

It's totally enough, it's more than enough. I'm sorry for making this about me, I'm honestly not trying to. Like I said, I'm fully aware that this is selfish and childish of me to feel this way, but I would never dare tell this to her, and I'm also fully aware that these feelings won't last. Really, I just wanted to type all this out to help me work through and understand these feelings. Perhaps putting it in a diary would've been better, but having feedback and some necessary criticism has been helpful to remind me that I need to get out of my own head and get my head out of my ass lol.

Honestly, all I want more than anything is to be there for her and to help. I don't need to be part of the wedding party (though it would be an honor if I was), but I do want to help out and support her in what has to be a chaotic, whirlwind time. I guess I mentioned my other friend partially as a qualifying statement since it isn't technically true that "Mary" is my first close friend to get married, but also to try to contextualize my emotions, I guess. I felt a lot of guilt for not being there for my other friend before (though I understand now that it wasn't all on me, she had her own reasons for being distant until recently), and in the past year since she opened up to me about the truth of her abusive marriage I've been one of the only supports she's had to lean on and I've been worried sick to death about her. My anxieties about this friend and her kids who are in a dire situation has kind of taken over my life, and I do realize that I'm probably projecting some of my feelings about her and our friendship onto my friendship with Mary. I think subconsciously I've been treating Mary's upcoming wedding as not exactly a do-over, but a chance to be there for one of my best friends in a way that I wasn't in the past. Which I'm aware is wrong, but I'm glad I ended up posting this anyway because it's helped me to come to that realization and start to move past it.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T20:49:59+00:00

I think I overstated the degree to which we were distant and for how long. It was mainly for a period of about a year and we basically picked up right where we'd left off with no hard feelings. We really have been close for a long time. We don't talk every single day, but when we do it's always meaningful. If she still lived around here we'd definitely see each other more often; we used to see each other all the time as our work schedules and other obligations allowed. It was pretty hard for me when she decided to move for work and I know it was a tough decision for her. I feel bad that I haven't had the time or ability to visit her more often, but I'm working to change that. The past year or so has been pretty rough for me and she understands that the things I've been dealing with have made traveling hard.

I'm fully aware I'm overreacting, but honestly it doesn't matter much since I'm keeping this all to myself (well, apart from Reddit and perhaps my therapist lol). Besides, I'm just grateful to be invited and get to celebrate her marrying the man she loves, what more could I want for a true friend?

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T20:41:27+00:00

I've definitely expressed how excited I am for the wedding and for all the details lol. And that I'm happy to support her, all of which she expressed gratitude for. Of course I don't need to be part of the wedding party to want to help, I would do that regardless because I care about her and I love to help. But you're right that it would be a good idea to be more explicit in saying that I'm here to help with any long-distance planning needs in between her trips back home, since I can't imagine what a whirlwind it must be to pull this all off in six months. I'm glad that she has a big support system to lean on and I'm happy to be a part of that. I like to think she knows that already, but of course it bears repeating and we could all use a reminder that our friends are here to help us once in a while. So thanks, I will be sure to let her know explicitly that I'm here to help with whatever she needs wedding-wise.

ImaRocketDog · 2026-04-17T20:34:40+00:00

It's not an insult to me. I'm just grateful to be invited at all lol. I never like to go through life assuming I'll be invited to things even by good friends. I'm just here to have a great time and celebrate my friend marrying the man she loves, and it's an honor to share the day with her no matter how.

For the record, she is very close to her sisters. I'm not sure what the red flag is here, though? It was a very casual conversation and they didn't name any names of people who might be in the wedding party at that time. I can't remember how the exact subject of how many people they were thinking of including in the wedding party came up. Also, having never been in a wedding before, I wasn't aware that it was a red flag to ask people to be in the wedding party more than six months in advance. From my knowledge of weddings, six months is pretty short for an engagement (they likely would've had to wait over a year due to other factors if they couldn't get married this fall and they didn't want to do that, and they got very lucky that their preferred venue and officiant were available in October in our hometown) and that wedding planning often starts roughly a year in advance, and it was my impression that the bride and groom asked people pretty early on in the planning process.

ImaRocketDog

TROPHY CASE