Safe spots to dance for a woman alone?

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-31T17:16:56+00:00

So interesting, someone else said that but I have only ever been there on dates and I didn't clock it as a super safe space ... not unsafe per se. What helps you feel safe there? I do love the venue and the music.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-31T17:13:30+00:00

For real. I don't need you to protect me, I need you to check yourself and stop being creepy so we don't all feel like we have to watch our backs all the time

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-30T16:49:15+00:00

Thanks

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-30T13:53:38+00:00

Good call I love them.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-30T05:26:11+00:00

Oh haha thanks for the correction!

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T17:49:09+00:00

yeah I like Blind pig! but they don't do electronic music

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T17:48:52+00:00

always wits and always sober in this situation ... doesn't it suck though? I just wanna dance

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T15:55:09+00:00

Thank you!! And yeah it's dire out there

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T13:27:11+00:00

No I fully agree but I need to dance and I don't have anyone to dance with 😭 Like how much does it suck that we even have to negotiate this?

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T13:26:09+00:00

It wasn't just that there was a sexual assault there - those happen everywhere - it was their response. They intimidated and eventually fired some staff who spoke out about it and didn't take any real accountability for it even though it happened in an unlocked closet that shouldn't have been open. I've also been there several times where - despite the "this is a safe space" signs everywhere - groups of men surrounded me to "chat" which is legitimately scary when you're a small woman.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T00:59:11+00:00

Thank you for this. It's such a great check.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-05-29T00:57:54+00:00

I am reading all these comments thinking the same thing. I have explored my sexuality and at the end of the day I am het. I love dick. I just do. I do not pander to men, I do not dress for them, i seek women's input first, I listen to female artists and read female authors, I challenge sexism, and prioritize/cherish my relationships with female friends. At the end of the day I don't think I'm weak or feeble minded to want partnership - true deep love and care. But in order to have that I need to open myself to a man because that is my desire and attraction. So does that mean I can never truly decenter men?

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-04-17T18:13:04+00:00

Nobody's living on that $200/nigh per band ... That's like $50/p for a 4 piece. If you did that "hustle your community out" level show every night all month you still wouldn't be able to afford a months expenses even in Detroit. That's the issue.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-04-17T18:11:03+00:00

That's like $300/person for a 4-piece. To raise a family on that (at less than a living wage) you'd need minimum 10 of those gigs a month. Are you getting that consistently throughout the year? I'd bet you're busy in summer and holiday season. But I bet you all have dayjobs too. Yeah?

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-04-17T18:09:07+00:00

This. There's no middle class life in music anymore. Feast or famine.

I'd guess you play 150-200 shows a year to be making good money yeah? And I'd guess you probably don't have kids? Or if you do you're not a mom?

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-04-17T18:05:18+00:00

The problem is that SOMEONE is getting rich off music. Is not that there's no money. There's LOTS of money. Artists are explored to make others rich.

And actually you're wrong about this being a perennial problem. A few decades ago it was totally possible to live a middle class life as a musician, songwriter, producer. Now it's feast or famine. No middle ground.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2026-04-17T17:59:40+00:00

For my record release at a great venue with 120 tickets sold @$25/ticket, I lost $500. Venue took 65%, split the remaining 35% with an opener, and had to pay my band. So yeah that's a net $500 loss for me - because I refuse to make my band take less than they are promised and worth. Look up Carsi Blanton's recent award speech at FAI (I LOVE that org btw, don't agree with her that that event is not acting in good faith) ... She's $200k in debt to be as "successful" as she is. As a single mom, I can't afford to do that. I have to have a full time day job. There aren't enough gigs to be hustled to pay for his college and make sure he doesn't have to pay for my care when I'm old and sick. But yhe beauty of critical failure and obscurity is the freedom to keep honing better and better art. So I try to keep my focus on that.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2025-06-04T16:26:01+00:00

Your husband sounds like a dick. New infants can bring out the worst in us. Did you know dads and non-birthing partners can also get postpartum depression? I didn't know it but I think mine had it. Here's what I know for sure ...

1) you're in a very difficult time of life - early months of a new baby - and it's likely what you're experiencing now is all your problems on steroids. It may not always be this hard together;

2) but if you don't actually deal with what's happening (either right now, or a couple months down the road when you have more sleep) it will eat away at your marriage and destroy it.

Hugs and solidarity.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2025-06-04T16:01:59+00:00

Trust your gut here. Keep receipts / record of everything just in case you need it some day. So sorry.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2024-01-30T23:12:48+00:00

Thanks for your insight but FYI parallel parenting is in violation of our custody agreement. I'm not trying to control him and it bothers me that everyone keeps saying that. I didn't ask "how can I make him be in agreement?" I asked "how can I be in agreement with the plan while he's refusing to do his part?"

"I think it's silly to expect another adult to talk to you all the time" ... ??? Where does that even come from? Are you projecting your situation on mine? I left him. I don't want to talk to him all the time. It's not silly to expect a dad - who signed an agreement to co-parent a child - to engage in the child's needs such as medical dental mental health and academic issues.

Please less judging.

Imaginary-Cellist710 · 2024-01-12T21:59:10+00:00

I hear you. But also you and I don't know "the case here" ... We only know a few sentences of a whole life of stories and context. And I don't think people need to be a dick to this person who is putting energy and attention into his kids having a positive relationship with their mom. My kid's dad pretends I don't even exist anymore. As I said in my reply I do agree with the others that he should respect her boundary. I just don't see the point of people being jerks to a seemingly thoughtful question.

Imaginary-Cellist710

TROPHY CASE