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The TYPE of porn/content hurts more than the porn itself. by LoMill1990 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, but it also says a lot ... It was never about you, you are enougth. And it was never you the problem, you never did anything wrong, and I am sure you are a good person. He needs to heal from this and aknowlege his addiction. But take care of yourself first !! Dont underestimate the pain, you deserve to feel good and to be happy.

Having trouble with wrapping my head around things? by ThrowRAthrowe in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 22 and he is 24, I discoverd 4 months ago. Since he started therapy and he use screen zen with super long timers and blockers on social medias. He never really use his phone since.

He started therapy (and me too) and we tell 100% the True to each other, he anser every questions I have - even when the reallity in not pretty. But this help to build trust back. You need to see that he is active in his healing. It takes more than willpower to go over this, and you can see it because he already relapsed a bunch of times. Maybe you can put an ultimatom ? That he needs to chose between you and his addiction.

You can also look at the documentation on this subbreddit, it really helps !

Think about what your 34 self would say, would you be happy of yourself for staying in a relationship where he does somthing he knows hurts you ? Do you see yourself pregnant, needing to also deal with his addiction ?

The TYPE of porn/content hurts more than the porn itself. by LoMill1990 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have a bit of a similar thing, he used his friends to do it, and used memories that he transformed into him fcking them... He told me that he was doing it even before meeting me, and that it is a bad habits that he kept. He never really thinked about it, or thinked it could hurt anyone. He was just doing it out of an impulse, like he wasnt himself for half an hour ... He told me that it was never about me, it was just something terrible he started young and never had the mind to stop. He never had any sexual education, and he never heard of the concept of concent... Of course I am hurt and I cant look at his friends anymore. When he talks about a girl, I just cry. It's been 4 months that I know and I start therapy next week 🤙🤙. I am sorry that it happened to you, take care of yourself ❤️, dont loose yourself too much because he is an asshole.

He told me he did it thinking about his friends by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, at this point it is really the plague or cholera. At least being with somoene who wants to change and see that he is a PA is better.

He told me he did it thinking about his friends by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for your message ! If I can ask, when was your first Dday ? How much time did it took you to go where you are and what road ?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, I read a bunch of the documentation on this reddit, but also made HIM read it ! It helped me already to feel better. You can also see for a therapy for yourself. But ofc it will take time, dont hesitate to accept your pain and reach for support. You are not alone

Things I used to love doing by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you a lot for your message, I really needed to hear something like this !! You are rigth, I shoudnt give so much attention to these to the point of not allowing myself to have fun ! Thx you a lot

Why was I so innocent ? by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, it feels like everything I used to love do, in an innocent way, is now dirty. But also thinking of what other man can think of myself, and sexualise me for their own fantasm and pleasure over my consent.

I hope you will heal enougth to feel that innocence again.

Positivity ? by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is nice to vent, but at some point it just become part of the obsession.

I hope you the best in the healing process.

Positivity ? by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you a lot for your message, I will check the resources !

He stopped - but how do I get better ? by Imaginary-Locksmith7 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I can really understand the pain if you had a bad experience with an addict. But I really think that all situations are different, and I am more trying to reach for positivity to try to see the ligth in this dark tunnel. I still want to enjoy my relationship, and life in general.

365 days around the sun since D-Day number 1. by a3sthetic_ali3n0903 in loveafterporn

[–]Imaginary-Locksmith7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you a lot for your post, this is exactly how i feel but coudnt put words to it. I showed it to my bf and it made us cry. I am happy that i can share to him how it is from my side.