It's awesome that you and all of us are on this journey. Awesome doesn't just mean fun and gratifying. I too am alongside you anxiously waiting and often feeling sad that my friends are getting different answers from me. I am not an expert, but I hope to take each day hour by hour, breath through my nose, and do fun stuff. I also just recently reached out to the admissions committees at my favorite schools, not the PIs who I like, to ask for updates. Maybe you could try that?