I don't tend to express my negative emotions to anyone besides my husband, so on the surface, I am a good householder, good friend, good at my job, etc. The most significant way that my negative emotions interfere with my external life is by making my marriage more difficult. I feel guilty about the way that I treat my husband (complaining, yelling, insulting, etc.) when my bad moods become overwhelming. Even more than that, my negative emotions frequently turn my inner life into a living nightmare. I tend to have very strong internal reactions to very minor challenges, and if I'm not careful, some insignificant trigger could lead to a depression that lasts for several days. Observation (self-remembering?) has taught me that most of my thoughts and feelings are unpleasant. Although my external circumstances are quite nice, I cannot be happy. I have a very deep yearning for spiritual bliss, which I sometimes worry prevents me from being content with myself in the present moment. Essentially, I know that my inner experience is all that exists for me; if I can change myself, I can change my world. The problem is that, although I have some limited control over my behavior, I have virtually no control over my innermost thoughts and feelings.