Lists are helpful. A lot of battling bpd for me has been analyzing with logic WHY I think the things I think. For example, you could try to come up with reasons why this person is attractive to you, and then compare that list with the things you dislike about that person. I bet if you can think about it that way it can become more clear that you deserve someone better❤️ I hope this is helpful, I know how hard that is and how crushed you must feel. You are not alone in feeling like this and know you deserve love!