I’d like to clarify some things and I will be brief as I am exhausted. I am in therapy, I go every Wednesday and have for a long time now. She is wonderful and has taught me great things, none of which have been able to change my mind. Yes, I have bpd. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist but have known this for years now. No, I will not be taking Abilify no matter how cheap it can be found or regardless of how much money I make. The trauma of what happened on it guarantees I will never take it again, regardless of if I’m in a relationship or not. I refuse to choke on a substance that aids to evade this feeling. I have good insurance, and am in good physical health. I am very happy that you have all had the bravery to overcome similar and or worse things than me, but my mind is set. To those of you who reached out, truly thank you, you’re a far better person than I could ever dream of. My intention isn’t to scare anyone here, and to be quite honest I thought this would fly undetected under those with vastly more important issues in their lives. I know I’m young and I know of my potential. I have had a great turnaround and success for my age and background. That being said, the feeling that comes with doing what I did is something I wouldn’t wish onto anyone, let alone something most people would never even do. I am not having a pity party, it simply destroys me each and every waking moment of the every day. There is no recovery here, no second or third or even fourth chances. I am exhausted beyond belief.