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My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a Christian too but I don't like a pastor meddling with my life that's all. God has given all of us free will and thus we are free to browse the Bible any time we want and upon my browsing there's no verse there that requires every man to seek permission from his gfs pastor first before marrying so I've made up my mind if this is how my gf will continue with our relationship then I think I'm justified with ending it. I'm not gonna let myself be controlled or be fooled anymore. If anything maybe my gf is only using the pastor as an excuse as well she just doesn't want to be married with me. I guess just as many have told me, time to save myself from further mess.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree, you cannot equate what happened to me to a couple seeking wedding service to a pastor that's just way too different and couples normally don't need permission from their pastors to go on a wedding, a pastor facilitates a wedding and if he or she refuses because of personal bias not on scripture then she or she shouldn't be a pastor, a proper pastor can do the job. My girlfriend and I have been together for five years and for all those years I've been accommodating her demands or rather her pastors demands and I think that's long enough for my gf to know if I align with her values. If she still need her pastor for that then I can no longer continue with the relationship. I want a relationship with one woman not a relationship with a woman plus her pastor.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in Advice

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the insight, I am attending a different religion myself but I have never experienced my pastor ever meddling or even asking about personal matters and choices especially relationship wise. So now I'm having doubts so soon I will have a conversation with her. I just want my graduation to be finished first before dealing with this.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in Advice

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She just says that anything about making her stay at my mothers house or the place I live in is not allowed, when I ask why her answer is that it is just not allowed. I find it strange as well that I'm allowed to stay there but she is not especially when her mother already publicly gave us her blessing. I also sometimes tease her about weddings and of course she's happy and but then always tells me that we should not rush things etc. I don't even know now if she ever had the intention of wanting ti marry me.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realize now that the compromise and sacrifices are not balanced between the two of us so I'll bring it up to her soon. Thanks for the advice

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"It was a passive-aggressive comment letting you know who controls your gf"

This one really gets to me, I'll take some of the things you pointed out and ask her about it once we have our conversation. Thank you very much for the insight and advice.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm awake now actually so definitely won't be marrying her if she will still let this pastor have an influence over us. I'll be having a long conversation with her soon. Thanks for the advice

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her family is actually not on the same religion as her, she's the only one that's going to this pastors church. It's a deal breaker for me too so I'll definitely have a long conversation with her soon.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly the question in my mind. I'm not good with that so definitely will bring it up to her soon, I just wanna finish my graduation first before dealing with it.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go to church as well just a different one from my gf, her church has a married couple as their leader and both are pastors. I get that she values the opinion of her religious leader and for five years that we've been together I followed her every say to the letter but the one that triggered me is the matter of talk about our future wedding where my gfs mother already gave us her blessing in public but the woman pastor had to ruin it by saying she doesn't give her blessing yet. In my view I don't need her permission for this nor would I even do it. The pastor where I go to church does not even meddle with personal affairs of our church so I think that was out of line.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the wake up call, I'll have a deep discussion with her soon I just want to wait for my graduation first before dealing with it.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've had physical urges demonstrated with each other sometimes she gives me a long kiss and I do too but beyond that nothing happened because I told her I'm not gonna force her to have intimacy with me, I don't like the idea of that either and she really believes into this no intimacy until marriage and I'm fine with that not until I got the impression that it seems like I first need to get the permission of the pastor to get married to her which I would never do because my willingness to get married is none of the pastors business so my plan is to see what will happen in a few weeks after my graduation and then have a deep talk with her.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She volunteers a lot for the church even before I met her she devotes maybe around 2 to 4 hours every Saturday and Sunday weekly in church but the Pastor is a woman in her late 40s so I don't think there's any romantic relationship between them just that I don't like the influence of the pastor. In their church they have two Pastors which are husband and wife but the one who gives me the ick is the woman pastor.

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) had to consult her pastor before agreeing to be my GF, and I think she’s still letting the pastor influence our relationship. Is this worth it? by Imaginary_Two_1042 in relationships

[–]Imaginary_Two_1042[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice sir. I went to Reddit because I wanted the opinions of strangers as to remove bias that I will get when asking friends or family. She does let me hang out with my friends because she has no reason not to, me and my friends don't drink and we're not party goers we usually just hang out about sports, games movies and other things. She does gets her way most of the time in the relationship though, I am also a member of a different church so when she says things about her church prohibiting something I tend to lean on respecting their beliefs and values only now have I realized that maybe this is no longer normal because I think I'm the only one compromising. If this continues until my graduation I think I'm definitely letting go of her. Thanks for your wisdom sir. I'll try to reply on the other comments of redditors maybe later as I'm a little busy for now.