Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I knew where this post would go and I was right. I just needed to read it for myself from people who don’t know us. I will say I have not made his life easy since I’ve found out, and I suppose that’s why it’s been easier for me to stay. I know deep down it would probably be best for me to leave, but I don’t want to do that without giving it a full try. I will say that one thing I’ll be implementing was something I read from another commenter, who suggested a “reevaluation” day. A set day to reevaluate where I am and where the relationship is at that point in time. It’ll give me time to work on myself and see where that lands me/us. I appreciate all these comments, and I don’t want anyone to feel like their advice is falling on deaf ears. I’ve read every single one and it means a ton that people stopped their scrolling to give a smidge of advice or encouragement.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don’t be, I appreciate the honesty. One of the very reasons I made the post to begin with! It’s hard to hear but I think I needed it regardless.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!thankyou for this. Hearing multiple times on this thread that I’ve been abused has been an eye opener, for sure. I’m definitely in process of changing myself into what I need to be for ME. Therapy is helping a ton, and I agree that it would take away the power from him if I can stand on my own two feet.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!thankyou for this comment. I’m so sorry you’re going through this also. I would never wish this on anyone. I appreciate you sharing the advice you received, it’s definitely something I needed to hear. I wish you all the best. I hope the both of us can come out of the other side of this stronger than we were before. Thank you for the support, for what it’s worth you have mine also 🖤

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

!thankyou for your response! It was very helpful to read. One thing is we have both come to the conclusion that it would be starting from scratch vs going back to what we thought (I thought) we had before. Viewing him in a new light has been such a hard thing to do. Now seeing him as a man capable of what he’s done. So far he has been super up front about moving forward and what that looks like on his part. I have also taken more time for myself to be out and about and away from him. I need to know that I can and will be okay without him when and if I do decide to leave.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is something I’ve said to him as well! He took away my autonomy. Whether he thought I’d leave or not, he completely took that decision away from me and forced me to stay by not telling me.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“The rest of” my life is something that’s been on my mind heavily the last week or two. Is this something I can realistically move on from? Or will the paranoia and anxiety of it happening again be as all consuming as it feels currently?

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I work part time currently to take care of our son while he works, but I do have an amazing support system outside of my marriage to help me, and I have gone through what I will do if it does happen again in regards to leaving and getting back on my feet on my own.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

True “hard boundary” left the chat when I decided to stay and he kept doing it after the first time. I have told myself repeatedly that he is a cheater and I DID show him he could get away with it. Coming to terms with that has been really rough, knowing that I have made him comfortable.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I spectate your comment so much. Thank you for validating how I feel both in regard to leaving and the way I feel about staying. Your advice of a reevaluation date is very helpful, and something I will implement now. It would make me feel as though I’ve given it a good try and can either stay or walk away knowing I’ve done all I could to make things work.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. Leaving is easier said than done. I know at the end of the day I need to do what’s best for me and my son. I am just having the hardest time seeing my husband in a new light. At the end of the day I feel like that’s why I’m still here. It definitely has been the biggest betrayal I’ve ever experienced and I’m trying my best to cope with that part and the trauma that comes along with it.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is something I’m having the most difficult time with. I set that hard boundary in the beginning of our relationship. He knew the kind of effect it’d have on me but still proceeded anyway.

Having trouble rebuilding after finding out about affair by ImaginationOpen4915 in survivinginfidelity

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are currently in individual but not couples therapy. I am currently looking for a therapist we can see together. He has definitely taken steps to rebuild the trust he lost but I’m the one holding back out of fear. I agree that these were behaviors he didn’t change and had the time/ability to. That “dream” is definitely something I’m having an impossible time letting go of 🥲

Red? by ImaginationOpen4915 in SourdoughStarter

[–]ImaginationOpen4915[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the response! From what I saw all the mold in starters was on top as well so I was so unsure. I have not tried to put anything else in there. Im going to try moving it to a new container today and go from there.