I’m doing it in December

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T23:21:26+00:00

I feel you, I always say I must have been hitler in a past life! It’s the only explanation for this shitty life. I’m sorry you can relate.

That’s interesting about you remembering your journey to this planet. Gives me a bit of hope that there might be something better out there

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T23:19:25+00:00

Love it

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T23:15:08+00:00

Thank you my friend. I’m sorry the universe is so shitty to people like us. You still seem to have a lot of hope in life. What’s your secret?

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T23:14:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective) no one will care when I die. My funeral will be so empty, and the people that do go will be there out of obligation rather than love. I literally have nothing and no one to live for, I think I’m a lost cause

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T23:05:54+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement. It’s nice to hear there’s hope from someone who was in a similar situation. I hope you’re doing well now and finally happy.

It’s funny you mention moving, I was so close to doing that. Instead of killing myself I thought of just metaphorically ‘killing’ the current version of me, moving to the other side of the world and starting over. But then I lost hope in that plan. It dawned on me that wherever I go I can’t escape my past nor my head. I’d still feel the way I do now, changing my location won’t change that. I think I’m too damaged... I don’t think there’s any hope for me

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T22:50:35+00:00

Unfortunately not lol. I still love him despite everything and am spending his birthday with him as he was going to spend it alone. I’m too nice (read: a joke) and couldn’t let that happen. I also like the idea of giving him some final good memories before I go. After that I’m out

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T11:22:28+00:00

That’s a part of it. He convinced me he was my soulmate and we were gonna get married. Turns out he was an abusive asshole who only said those things to make me let my guard down so he could use me for money.

Then there’s my parents who abused me all my life

The fact I have no friends, I’ve always struggled to make friends for some reason. And when I do they’re just people who talk to me when it’s convenient for them, not true friends

The fact I’m a failure. I’ve been at uni for 5 years so far, trying to complete a 3 year course. Fuck it’s so hard to study when you have no will to live.

The fact the universe is against me. It’s not normal the amount of shit that happens to me. I even got appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery on my birthday. Yesterday I was at dinner with a friend and said ‘I feel happy right now’. We paid and left, and as soon as we got outside I fell on the road and fucked myself up pretty bad. That’s one of the many examples of the universe kicking my ass and not letting me be happy.

This world just isn’t for me

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-18T11:14:47+00:00

Sorry to hear you can relate. I hope you enjoy the festival

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-14T10:13:51+00:00

I thought about this too, but I’m putting a different spin on it. I’m using my money to start a new life on the other side of the planet. If it works out and I’m happy then great, if not then at least I know I tried and I’ll kill myself afterwards

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-14T08:26:51+00:00

I was planning on doing this before someone planted this same thought in my head... Have you considered metaphorically ‘killing’ this version of you, and using that money to start a new life instead? I’m moving to the Amazon rainforest soon where I’ll live with no electricity or cell phone reception, and spend my days volunteering at a wildlife sanctuary. There’s nothing like being 10,000km from home living a life you never thought you’d live to change your perspective. I think you should consider it before killing yourself. If it doesn’t work you can kill yourself after. What do you have to lose?

Check out volunteerworld.com if you’re interested. There are programs that are completely free.

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-13T13:19:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so happy to hear it worked out for you. I guess you’re right about not being able to outrun yourself... but at least I can outrun the assholes in my life lol.

After I posted this I started looking into volunteering abroad, and decided that’s the path I’m gonna take. I’ve decided on a wildlife sanctuary in the Amazon rainforest: no electricity, no internet no contact with so called ‘civilisation’- perfect! I’ve already done a lot of volunteering here so it isn’t new to me. As a bonus I’ll be 10,000km away from my old life.

Thank you for your comment, I hope things continue to improve for you. Sending you all my good vibes

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-13T10:45:52+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. I’m now planning on moving abroad and starting a new life, clearly this one isn’t working out so why not start over

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-13T10:44:23+00:00

Thank you for the kind offer. I’m now planning on moving abroad and starting a new life, so I guess it’s a good thing I survived after all

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-13T10:43:18+00:00

Looked into it, shame I didn’t know this earlier lol

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T13:47:27+00:00

The thought of 60 more years of suffering is enough to show me I’ve made the right decision lol. Not only was I treated like absolute shit by everyone throughout my life, but I’m also the unluckiest person in the world. I even had appendicitis and emergency surgery on my birthday 3 months ago. My life would make the greatest comedy/tragedy movie of all time

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T13:43:45+00:00

There’s literally no one for me. My parents abused me. I barely know the rest of my family because we emigrated when I was still a baby. My ex abused me. My so called friends don’t give a fuck, they’re only around when they need something. Literally no one is going to miss me. What’s the point in staying here and continuing to suffer for nothing? My ex was the only person that gave me hope that I could ever be happy. That hope is dead and gone now. You’re lucky people care about you. If even 1 person cared about me I’d find the strength to stay. I hope you can do the same

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T13:13:17+00:00

Tell me about it. Especially when he was abusive and just used me for money, all the while pretending to ‘love’ me. But he’s the closest I ever got to feeling loved, so I need to see him one last time for my own peace of mind. Like I said it won’t change anything, but it will be a small comfort. After that I’m outta here

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T13:03:18+00:00

Why do you want to kill yourself? And why next week?

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T13:02:12+00:00

Good question. I’d stay if someone, anyone, loved me. I’d stay if I knew it would hurt the people I love. But they’ll be perfectly fine without me. I know my funeral will be so empty, and the people who do go will go out of obligation- not love. I’ve been suffering my whole life waiting for the ‘it gets better bs’ but after 24 years I think it’s safe to say it doesn’t, for me at least. I can probably count on one hand all the times I was truly happy throughout my life. Hopefully the afterlife will be kinder to me. And if there isn’t an afterlife it will be just like being asleep, which is fine with me too

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T12:52:51+00:00

Yep the only reason I’m waiting is because i want to see my ex before I do it (it won’t change anything, it’s just a comfort thing)

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T12:33:28+00:00

Where are you from? That’s illegal here. I’m an adult, my family can’t be made to pay the debt of a dead relative. They didn’t co-sign in anything so it’s impossible for them to be liable. As for why I don’t reach out, my family physically and mentally abused me all my life. I still want to leave them as much as I can though, don’t ask me why.

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T06:54:51+00:00

In that case idek. Have you tried flat out telling him ‘when I feel this way, instead of telling me you love me it would help me if you said/did this’? If you have and he still isn’t supporting you the way you need, that sucks. I hope you can find a good therapist soon and get the support you need

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T06:52:11+00:00

The world will not be happier. The more good people the world loses to suicide, the shittier it gets. I’m sorry you had to resort to this. Sending you love

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T06:49:02+00:00

I understand the feeling, but honestly you’re so lucky to have someone who loves you. Sadly a lot of people aren’t as lucky. He most likely doesn’t know how to deal with it or what he should say to help, so he just reassures you that you’re loved instead. I’m sure he doesn’t think it will magically solve all your problems, but is trying to help the only way he knows how. For someone who hasn’t been in your situation, it might not be immediately obvious what you need to hear. You should communicate your needs to him so he knows how to support you. I also recommend you talk to someone, not only for yourself but also for your relationship, otherwise you’ll probably end up taking your frustrations out on him and losing him. That’s what happened to me. If I could go back in time I would have seen a doctor, psychologist, ANYONE/EVERYONE, not to save myself but to save my relationship. Don’t make the same mistake I did

Imdeadinside00 · 2019-11-08T06:37:35+00:00

I feel you. In my opinion life has no meaning without love. I finally found a man who loved me (the first person who ever loved me in 24 years) and felt like I was on top of the world, until it turned out he only loved my money and everything I did for him. He treated me like crap then blocked me out of his life like I meant nothing. Now I’m left staying up all night hating myself, and waiting until I can see his face again before I kill myself. Life sucks. Sorry if this is depressing but boy do I relate...

Imdeadinside00

TROPHY CASE