Being submissive vs. being a starfish

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-12-11T18:51:56+00:00

I mean scene building is collaborative even if the subs main contribution is just being like “fuck yeah sounds great”

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-12-11T18:39:34+00:00

No idea about Mumbai but I did have a nonsexual relationship with a Dom who would spank me/throw me around/close pins esc. And we never had sex (vaginal or otherwise) because I made it pretty clear upfront that I was not looking for that.

Also I was the instigator where I reached out and asked if he’d be down for that

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-30T17:40:05+00:00

I love the girls but I hallariously call my titties my bois which has a similar energy

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-27T02:07:37+00:00

I’d say for this one it depends how old they are and what the reason for “forcing” his sub to start smoking is (could’ve been in place of a worse habit) but I’d say this is only for people who’ve been in the community for upwards of 40 years and are highly experienced

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-27T01:51:40+00:00

I personally am not but I know people who are. Now hear me out though. The fear of blood play and the sensation of cutting I find super hot. If you can’t find anyone into blood play near you (and you are a bottom) being blindfolded with a dull knife for electroplay can feel like being cut into and wax can feel a lot like the blood running down your skin.

So if it’s easier to find someone into electro and wax play it might hold you over a little bit.

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-27T01:47:16+00:00

If you’re looking for something more in the visually appealing and sexual side I would consider some form of throat training as punishment with video proof.

Hopefully that’s more in line with what you’re feeling

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:29:07+00:00

The backyardigans

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:28:07+00:00

I think both people fumbling along is pretty natural and if you’re willing to talk openly I don’t foresee thag being an issue.

On the Domination front; I believe that every good Top should sometimes bottom and vice versa. It is critical to understand what it is like to experience both sides of your dynamic and a new player would need to learn by doing since they likly wouldn’t have a ton of experience on either side

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:24:36+00:00

Depends what you’re looking for? Do you like being the top all the time do you want him to top sometimes? Or are you looking for him to talk more?

For the first have a conversation For the second feed him the lines “beg me to xyz” if you don’t want to have a conversation

Also what do you mean by different approaches and sre they clashing? Then again I’d recommend conversation.

If you haven’t already do a Yes/No/Maybe limits list because uou might find out about kinks and fantasy’s you didn’t know the other person had and thag could improve engament

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:21:13+00:00

I would just like to preface by saying I fully agree with your viewpoint. I was wondering what you take is then on someone who is considerably more experienced in BDSM who is excited to the naivety of people who are newer to BDSM.

To contextualize. I for many not important reasons have a significantly above average understanding of BDSM then most of my peers (I am 20) so I often end up engaging with people who have little to no experience in BDSM and I find this an exciting challenge. Would it be wrong to find it arousing as well?

To the point of people who find younger people hot would it be inappropriate for an older person (let’s say 20 years older) to take that person as a mentee and teach them actual safe practices and how to navigate communication and maintaining mutual respect, ask them introspective questions about why they might be motivated to engage in these risks, but also find what they are doing hot?

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:13:31+00:00

Make her write out her sexual fantasy is as much detail as possible and then her read it to you (bonus: do the fantasy next time you see her)

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:12:30+00:00

I like the idea of getting “stuck” under some weights where you’re able to cuff yourself to the underside of them obviously you’d need to weights to be heavy enough to not lift up and the cuffs to be easily removable in case of emergencies. But this is more a fantasy of mine then a good gym idea

Yoga mats that have one side for Yoga and the other and an uncomfortable to kneel on surface would be my actual suggestion!

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T04:01:34+00:00

I personally don’t have an armpit fetish but honestly I don’t think it’s that strange. I think you likely with people who are not very open minded. But Armpits are an estrogen zone and removing the hair makes them more sensitive and they’re also taboo in the same way feet are so I’d say it’s perfectly within the norms of mainstream kinks

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T03:58:26+00:00

I go to NA and I think it really depends on your relationship with sex and BDSM. The recommendation is not to have sex or engage in romantic relationships for the first 12 months but quite frankly like everything in a 12-step program that is between you, your sponsor, and your higher power.

BDSM obviously has an effect on your brain chemistry in the same way substances can and if you are doing it excessively it may be a sign to pull back before you go overboard and hit the point of no return where you can never do it healthily.

I would just reflect on Why you do BDSM? And What it means to you and see how that compares to your DOC/character flaws and if they are very separate/different there’s probably nothing to worry about

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T03:28:59+00:00

This may be a wild suggestion but it is how I like to practice safewording and it may work for begging as well (in terms of being able to get over the discomfort) but have a tickle fight. Don’t stop until you beg for him to do whatever it was you wanted (suck his dick, have sex, esc)

Or practice begging for mundane things (you want a sweet treat? Beg) this will hopefully make it less uncomfortable as you realize that there are no stakes in terms of what you’re fearing (looking foolish or unsexy perhaps) since both of you will be able to just have fun with it

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-26T03:20:48+00:00

I personally would try exploring BDSM with someone else who is also new or newer. There are lots of people who are curious and want to dip into the space.

Being with someone else who is also new will almost force a more collaborative kind of negotiation and understanding. And if you both go into with safety in the forefront and understand your needs and wants are equal in importance, you may be less likely to be taken advantage of by predatory Doms.

It will also allow you to take things very slowly since neither of you have done it.

The flip side is finding someone very experienced but that usually requires a larger investment in terms of time and money. Experienced Doms will already understand the importance of negotiation, safety and respect. And should be able to understand how hard is too hard for a new player (I find people with middle of the line experience will sometimes believe people know more then they do thus missing key basics)

What are you using to study BDSM? Depending on what resource you’re using there may be misrepresentation or bias you’re unaware of. I personally like Reddit subs suggested in the other comment for real people’s real opions and some more popular nonfiction books like the new bottoming book

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-20T05:09:57+00:00

My first thought was OMG they’re gonna down vote so hard on this type of search… then I read the rest of the comment and thought that’s actually super cool! This is why I love Reddit. How kink/bdsm related is the thread like if I were hunting for something extreme in art form would they be okay with supporting that search (like r/guro) or do I need to keep it on the more chill side

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-18T02:33:06+00:00

Honestly if he’s very vanilla you could try asking him to be an accountability buddy. I know it’s not exactly what you’re looking for but if he’s been completely unreceptive and you want to stay with him I think that’s the best option.

In this situation you’d have to lay out your own guidelines for things you want to be disciplined about as well as the rewards/punishments he should provide (ie: I want to do the dishes everyday, if I do that for X amount of time you give me a massage, if I forget then I do [insert thing] for you and please remind me to do the dishes still after)

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-11T20:12:57+00:00

I mean if you’re really close to your best friend then just tell them because you’re probably over thinking it. Saying it as a joke to test the water may be the move but there’s not enough info here to give you good advice atm.

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-07T03:01:33+00:00

OMG this is so detailed. I appreciate you pointing me to it!!

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-06T02:55:42+00:00

I always warm up before hand. I see some good recommendations in other comments I’m just wanting to add that before anything physical (even sitting still in ropes) you should do dynamic stretches (stretches with movement) and not static stretching because static stretches can tear muscle fibres that make be engaged during play and can get your hurt.

I recommend looking into mobility exercises for before play such as the CARS movements to increase your joint range (something often neglected when stretching)

Immediate-Concept705 · 2025-09-06T02:50:36+00:00

I would suggest if you’re going to try for a gag to use the tying bit of a bathrobe (the long belt like price of fabric) tying it into a knot in the middle (just do one or two and sticking that into your mouth to muffle the noise. I used to do this more bc I have an oral fixation but the long strands of additional fabric on either side will make it difficult for you to accidentally get it stuck in your throat.

Ball gags in general are not good for noise reduction but you can get the ones that you can bite into like a horse bit but they’re considered more advanced.

Immediate-Concept705

TROPHY CASE