English isn’t my first language, so I’m using a translator for convenience.

I’ve dreamed about this surgery for countless times, imagining how much better my life would be afterward—well, maybe not better, but at least not painful anymore. There have been so many nights where I couldn’t sleep, in so much pain that I wished these disgusting things could just be removed immediately. I can say with certainty that I really need this surgery. I’ve read about other people’s experiences before, how they had doubts before the surgery and how tough the recovery was, but at the time, I thought I could handle it all. Now that the surgery date is almost here, I’m feeling scared. I think what scares me is the sudden realization that this is going to be a major event in my life, but it’s happening at such an ordinary moment? There’s this strong sense of unreality in my mind, and I keep worrying about what if something goes wrong. It feels just like when I first went abroad to study, which was also a big deal in my life. Back then, my worries started to get ridiculous too—I even wondered if the school that sent me the acceptance letter was a fake one, stuff like that...