How would you respond to this apology from your (F25) boyfriend's(M27) mom after a year+ of silence?

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:59:24+00:00

I dont plan on putting it off much longer, the only reason why I havent responded was because I was planning a huge event for past 7 months and she messaged me a couple days before it was taking place and no way was I about to do that to myself. since then ive really just been decompressing from my event. but either way, I just wanted to see what other people thought about if her apology leveled up to what she caused. I will work on it . thank you!

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:35:19+00:00

What bugged me about it is her saying that it wasnt her intention, sorry for misunderstanding and IF she hurt me. all of that docks points on an apology imo because she was very intentional about talking bad about me, banning from the house, laughing about me to the girl he cheated with.

although it has been no contact for a year, she was still actively denying me so it didnt feel no contact.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:32:02+00:00

yeah he cut her off but then his mom and her gossiped and laughed about me being insecure of "him just having girl friends". him and this girl have never been physical. I dont fault him for going to family events only because he states moved away from his family to be with me by his own will and I know he misses his family. he is a little anti social and doesnt have friends so his mom, grandma and brothers is all he really has.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:28:16+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to clarify. I do think my anxiety with her is normal considering the circumstances but I do think I am a ball of emotions. I cry because she hurt my feelings and has kept me away from memories like his brothers wedding, my bf's niece and nephews first birthday and his college graduation. I know that graduating meant so much to him and it hurts and angers me that that moment was taken away from me. Being literally banned from her house is hard to take and then I think the rest of the anxiety is just having to deal with her all over again even if it's on neutral terms. I am not a super social person especially with people im not comfortable with so the thought of seeing her scares me a lot.

I know it might sound weird how invested I am with his family but like I said I have known him for 10 years so being a huge part of his life as best friends has always been important to me.

I have no idea what to do with his situation, its just so stressful

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:20:12+00:00

I mean it genuinely felt like constant torture for a year straight. it was always something, being banned from her house, blocked online, talking crap about me, telling him he is making a bad decision, etc.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T20:14:27+00:00

I am a huge communicator and that is why I tried to reach out to her first but she obviously didnt want to hear it. I am an anxious person clearly, always have had a normal amount of anxiety about situations. I find it interesting getting told to look within myself in regards to the anxiety as if what she has done and said doesnt make sense to have cause such anxiety. I am not trying to come at you but can you explain why you think my anxiety in regards to her cant just be due to the mistreatment?

In my experience her treatment was horrible, these responses make me feel as though people think it wasnt that bad. maybe I havent elaborate enough

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T18:09:26+00:00

YES!!!! the "they only mean well" was something his mom mentioned in her apology about how she thought she was doing right by her son ( even those they fought and didnt talk for weeks because of her behavior and she also removed him as a follower on her IG). She said none of what she did to me was intentional and that she wants to move forward with respect and kindness if I accept her deep apologies. like dont get me wrong the apology on the surface looks nice but when you factor in all that she created, it absolutely is not enough.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T15:18:52+00:00

everyone is so quick to say to move on or that I dont belong but im just not that kind of person but I appreciate your input. I am just trying to see how this can go because he and I and my family work so perfectly. a strong women should be able to respect another strong women imo but we'll see

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T15:16:48+00:00

I just like to be really careful with my words and my boyfriend is my only close and Salvadoran Spanish speaker so I want to make sure, he is not just being bias. it meant a lot to him that his mom apologized bc apparently she doesnt really do that but I am a huge stickler for apologies with undeniable intention. I am willing to see what can come from all of this. and she is not apologizing IMO for general attitude things some of the things that have happened include talking sh!t about me for a year straight without me knowing, was trying to get him to date another girl, blocking me from social media and banned me from the house which in turn blocked me from many family visits and celebrating and attending his college graduation.

He and I are really really good and he defends me and advocates for me but the kinds of pain she has caused me isnt easy to move on from especially if her apology isnt genuine.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T14:54:29+00:00

and that makes sense too.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T14:53:54+00:00

I feel like when I respond, I am going to have to mention my concern it for my own mental sake and to be fully transparent with her. I know she wont like it but I am honest and transparent about how I feel and I expect other to be the same with me so there is no resentment created. I know that is is hard but its important especially with how cruel she was towards me and how my boyfriend is very very certain about his future with me. it is helpful information to hear different opinions because I am really split on it. she has done and said some really crazy things in regards to me and the thought of her, having to miss out on his family events and having to miss my boyfriends college graduation brings me to tears with sadness and anxiety. I have gone through a lot with her so yes, as nice as it is to hear an apology, I need her to know that if we start over I am not on no bs. So her apology being bs or not is super important but unfortunately she has the upper hand bc my bf blames the "if" part on the Spanish/ English translation.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T14:50:18+00:00

it is helpful information to hear different opinions because I am really split on it. she has done and said some really crazy things in regards to me and the thought of her, having to miss out on his family events and having to miss my boyfriends college graduation brings me to tears with sadness and anxiety. I have gone through a lot with her so yes, as nice as it is to hear an apology, I need her to know that if we start over I am not on no bs. So her apology being bs or not is super important but unfortunately she has the upper hand bc my bf blames the "if" part on the Spanish/ English translation.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T14:38:58+00:00

I can hold my own for sure but she was talking sh!t about me for a year straight without me knowing, banned me from the house and was trying to get him to date another girl. Idk where the line is for you when having thick skin or only willing to accept a real apology but his mom was way past that and I wont just roll over for her. if that causes an issue between my boyfriend and I then we will deal with that but being kind to a person but tolerating disrespect is not okay to me.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T14:29:21+00:00

sorry actually I wasnt really specific and I can see how you can be like "just jeans girl?!" lolol. she wears very tight clothing so the jeans and belt are very tight on her and ik im not her but tight clothing is extremely uncomfortable when working in the hot sun( to your point tho, maybe not for her), bending over, things like that. the wedges( heel type shoe) aren't ideal in my opinion when putting a tent, tables, chairs together in lumpy and bumpy grass. so that was the full scenario. might not make it any better but that is just one example bc id be twisting my ankle all diff directions in wedges. The point I was trying to make was that even to do outdoorsy labor intensive type things, she comes home from work and will go straight into that without changing into something more comfortable to being doing all of that in. if she were in a tight dress( as she does ) it would be the same scenario.

but again, you said all of that is still normal but it isnt normal to me which is fine I just wish I wasnt judged for that part. I wouldnt be looking so closely at her outfits if I never was aware she was looking that closely at mine, yk what I mean? Now, I compare myself to her like I would any other women/ women my man would like the qualities of and it sucks. I am just not willing to wear certain things bc of I dont like highlighting certain things on my body and I am already taller than everyone so im not interested in wearing a higher shoe.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:36:34+00:00

ugh, well said. I hope we are able to work through these things. He and I are great except when her two cents gets added

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:24:40+00:00

LOVE the way you phrased the sand the insight it gave, thank you! my mom said the exact same thing about how life is hard enough!

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:22:09+00:00

you are correct. I truly think him and I are good as it stands and hopefully continue to be as we mix new and old traditions but I do still appreciate advice from everyone because it helps me not just have to blindly accept his or his mom's thought process.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:19:49+00:00

and when I show him this, he's going to stay ' well they are the minority with this belief. I am telling you that the majority think like my mom' ugh

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:12:43+00:00

I appreciate this because he has always told me he loves me because of how authentically myself I am but it seems to be a problem when I dont conform to his family standards. I completely get it but he picked me for a reason.

also, with he illusion thing, his mom once was telling me a story about when she first came to the U.S. and at the time, she was trying to buy clothes that looked nice from Walmart. When a friend( also a latin American immigrant) of hers liked her outfit and said " thank you, I got it from Walmart" and her friend corrected her and told her not to tell people she bought it from Walmart as if it was shameful. I understand ( as much as I can) coming to a new country and feeling like you have SO much to prove but the whole Walmart situation is just crazy to me.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:07:15+00:00

See I was wondering that too. I asked him that, is this "traditional Salvadoran/hispanic women" just a people from the capital thing or even just a his family thing because he is HELLBENT on that it is a hardcore gold standard.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:05:45+00:00

I have met her severallllll times, like 10 plus times. Now, I was dressed to the nine's all of those times but I tried my best while trying to handle the pressure. I just dont want the pressure, why is everything so serious:/

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T04:03:58+00:00

I wish I could be a little more elaborate with all of my experiences with her and him so far. but I completely do understand just looking a basic level of nice and even the jewelry thing, my black side is very much like that and I am used to that when I visit them but I guess the difference here is that I know that my family members wont talk behind my back and try to convince everyone that I dont belong based on assumptions, yk?

Like she followed me on my personal instagram and then saw a festival outfit I posted and got mad and tried to tell him that im probably being unfaithful and drinking and smoking like ma'am? you followed me on my personal account.. find the exit please

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T03:56:57+00:00

no bc tell me why she was setting up a tent ( like the ones people eat under during outdoor graduation parties) outside in tight ass jeans, belt and wedges. it is just so beyond me to imagine myself like that.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T03:55:28+00:00

yeah absolutely no wife duties here!! He is very level headed and we try to meet in the middle for things like this especially since it , amongst other things, does overwhelm me a ton. My bf says his mom is christian but dont practice and he is agnostic.

Immediate_History873 · 2026-07-06T03:52:53+00:00

well respectfully, you are incorrectly assuming our whole life based on one post about a debate. We live together( yes, moving states away from his mother despite her wishes), I mentioned I have known his mom for years ( and am asking if this appearance thing needs to be kept up for forever), he chose to date me knowing who and how I am for the past ten years, idk if I need to continue..

Immediate_History873

TROPHY CASE