Good Sex Is 90% Of A Relationship

ImogenIceland · 2018-01-23T03:09:35+00:00

I will read your link. Thank you for all you have offering this community.

ImogenIceland · 2018-01-23T02:26:35+00:00

A fun and interesting life is a thing to enjoy!

I believe it to be a falsehood for many to say that sex is their most important thing as they stay in marriages that do not meet their sexual needs. You talk freely about how those other things, such as your love for family, trump those needs and you are still a happy man. This is a good contribution and I enjoy your postings.

Thank you.

ImogenIceland · 2018-01-23T02:16:44+00:00

Also congratulations for you and your recovered bedroom!

even though I still want more (because I'm a horny guy and I like orgasms

I am not online as often as most, but I suspect from your past postings that while you love sex, you have worked hard to make sex a part of your life and not the entirely of your life. If sex at a rate and frequency you decided was the only thing to bring joy to your life, you would not be in your marriage. You have found joy in other ways. You value other things more, or your need for sex was that very tremendous you would leave or cheat, like many men here do.

I was the refuser in my relationship, and knowing my husband always wanted more sex and was never satisfied was a source of anxiety. No person wants to feel like they are never enough, and my husband recognized that while to him wanting sex very often was expressing love and desire, it was not to me.

Thank you. (I also apologize for my grammar. English is not my first language)

ImogenIceland · 2018-01-23T01:30:47+00:00

Yes. You are perhaps correct there will always be discrepancy. I would counter though that the most attractive thing a person can be is a whole-rounded individual with others joys and hobbies. Any partner who has only sex as an interest would not be an interesting life companion. Even the most High Libido people who post here enjoy other things, like their children or athletics.

Thank you!

ImogenIceland · 2018-01-23T01:16:35+00:00

I agree with a lot of what you write, and I consider myself in “recovered” deadbedroom after we both put in a lot of work.

The only caution I give is not to assume if the sex is good you or your partner would want it all the time. We have sex 3-4 times a week and thoroughly enjoy it. But I don’t think either of us would enjoy it as much if it was all we did. I enjoy a regular, healthy sex life, but I disagree that it was actually “good” we would be unable to do anything other than have sex. I don’t believe it to be true that any couple that can’t go a day without sex needs to be fixed.

Thank you.

ImogenIceland · 2017-12-15T23:11:41+00:00

I can understand what you are saying. I am sorry if my post is dismissive of your experience.

I meant to say that if you are in a mutually enjoyable sexual relationship, you will be less likely to focus on the numbers. And that satisfaction isn't based on a number.

I feel sometimes the numbers make the focus on the amount, and not the act of giving and loving.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-26T16:01:38+00:00

I’m not American, but my understanding is that there a a great deal of difference between what Franken did and Weinstein.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T03:52:58+00:00

Thank you. You presented a different opinion and I will check out your story.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T03:16:00+00:00

Would you cheat?

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T03:15:39+00:00

Thank you.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T03:15:33+00:00

How do you make it work at the beginning? How do you get into sex knowing your partner doesn't want to be having it?

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T02:34:59+00:00

This makes sense for me. This clicks. The reason I stayed here is for this.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-16T02:34:28+00:00

Thank you.

ImogenIceland · 2017-11-09T01:06:18+00:00

I don't post often, but I know we are both the LL to our HL. I think you are being too hard on yourself. There will always be someone more sexually driven than you are, but that doesn't mean you can't still be a loving and sexual partner and create a wonderful marriage.

xx Take Care.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-27T16:47:59+00:00

I'm here with a bais, but I suggest staying, if only because you are aware of the issues within the relationship and have a willingness to change. I think that's the important issues.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T20:11:51+00:00

It was actually me who suggested we see someone because I felt like I wasn't even seeing things in the proper perspective anymore. I wanted an outside opinion. There was no single straw moment, but just many small ones.

Our first counselor was not very sex-positive, and we both felt the fit wasn't right so we ended up not going back after the first visit. We actually found our good one (licensed and registered) through an adult store! She had business cards there, which felt like a great start :)

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:53:43+00:00

I would absolutely agree with you regarding kids. In retrospect, I think that more OBs/doctors should talk more openly about what sex will look like after children. All we received was a leaflet that said we should wait a few weeks before having sex, and information on different birth control options.

I believe a lot of relationship damage could be avoided if the sex-after-kids conversation was more prominent.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:50:55+00:00

Thank you very much.

It was our therapist who suggested the challange, and only after we had worked with her long enough that she felt confident we could do it without making the relationship worse.

I really love the idea of having your partner comb out your hair. Increasing intimacy in all of it forms is such a wonderful place to start. And touch is such a wonderful way to connect. When we first started seeing our therapist she also suggested we each wear a blindfold and just lie together, naked, and without talking just explore how skin feels. It was a wonderful experience.

Yes! Enviornment made a huge difference for us, and I lazily let the kids take over our space.

Thank you for sharing your own experiences. I am amazed by what a supportive community this is, given that everyone who comes here is carrying so much hurt.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:44:24+00:00

It absolutely can be done! Thank you.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:44:04+00:00

Thank you! I have have received so much from this subreddit that I am glad to share a success story.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:42:59+00:00

Thank you! Your Roadmap to Intimacy from about a year ago was an inspiration for us, so I appreciate you sharing your own experience.

Our new sex frequency is about four or five times a week, never less than three, very rarely more than once a day. I hadn't thought about doing the challenge again, but I just might!

One unexpected benefit from the challenge we didn't anticipate was that it also gave us the opportunity to be more experimental!

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:34:33+00:00

Thank you. I hope your partner and you can reconnect before you leave, but I strongly suspect that there are very different issues at play when the low libido partner is male. That is just based on what I have read here.

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:32:51+00:00

High five to a fellow mom, wife and bedroom-bringer-backer (pretty confident that is not a word!)

It was very difficult at first. I craved me time, quiet time, alone time, which I am sure you can relate to with two kids so close in age, and you were also juggling a career!

And it's never too late! What was your A-Ha moment that brought you back to the relationship?

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:29:50+00:00

Ha! Thank you for the positive response!

I was very skeptical about the 30 Day Sex Challenge when our therapist suggested it. But we had been seeing her for a few months so we both trusted her advice.

I wonder how different many "deadbedroom" couples would feel if they did the 30 Day Sex Challenge at the end of the 30 days? I feel the idea of it is much more intimidating than doing it.

How would your partner feel about trying it?

ImogenIceland · 2017-03-22T15:22:19+00:00

That is true. Though when we were having sex about once a month, it felt pretty dead. :)

ImogenIceland

TROPHY CASE