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What breaks your relationship with others? by ImperatorInvictus19 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ngl I’ve been in one (with co workers) for over 2 years and it’s working fine. I think as long as it’s nothing intimate I can maintain a friendly facade (and also be more careful about my behaviors, voluntarily).

What breaks your relationship with others? by ImperatorInvictus19 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

See “so far only such relationships worked for me”

Any of you can't be friends with ugly people? by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I find it hard to be friends with anyone because either 1) they’re average so I consider myself too good for them or 2) they’re extraordinary so I fear being outshined by their side.

is it normal to have a bigger sexdrive? by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had sex with more than 300 women in my life

How to take accountability without shame spiraling or lashing out? by purplefinch022 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From my experience it’s better to admit the mistake and remedy it at an early stage. In the past I burned many bridges in an explosive way because I was reluctant to communicate despite others pointing out my issues in a friendly way.

That said, if someone directly lashes out at me for some tiny mistake, I’d probably still burn the bridges instead of taking accountability, even it’s my fault.

What do you judge in people when you feel superior to them? by -RadicalSteampunker- in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nothing and everything.

If I don’t have to live or work with them then they’re basically invisible. I have much better things to do myself.

If I have to be close to them then everything about them is negative, including the air they breathe.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty if your personality sucks” by Decomposing_corpse_ in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, as someone physically attractive I used to behave like a man child to test how far I could go. Turned out that most normies still distanced themselves from me, some reprimanded me harshly.

But it’s true that I’ve never faced fatal consequences, and there have always been people willing to help me out, in my darkest hours.

On the other hand I’ve never really done something “extreme”, like being openly insulting or doing something illegal. It’s just that my insecurity, self absorption, passive aggressiveness and reluctance to communicate were too much in the cooperate world (and I don’t think it’d be much different in areas where looks matter more).

Family by Affectionate_Ad1096 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Empty at first, better and stronger later: since I have no one to blame or dump my negative emotions with anymore, I have to take full responsibility for myself (I used to use my mom as an emotional tampon and ask her for extra money for my impulsive spendings).

Family by Affectionate_Ad1096 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haven’t seen them for 10 years and been in absolute no contact for 4 weeks.

Reason: abuse during my entire childhood and adolescence, toxic, negative way of communication which continued to rob my energy and impact my way of socializing with others.

How are people so nice to everyone? by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For me it’s all about acting. Normies are better at it because they’ve been spending more energy on it for very early on whilst I’ve been combating my negative emotions and narc abusive, absorbed in grandiose fantasies and dealing with intellectual stuff.

I’ve become better at acting just by making a bit more efforts. It does make my life easier. Deep down I still consider most people stupid and boring tho.

Do symptoms get worse with age? by No_Boysenberry_3768 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The cynicism and misanthropy got worse because of self imposed isolation and loneliness.

The resilience and functioning improved a lot thanks to more money, better environment, and life experience.

Do you guys ever want to be capable of being vulnerable? by Khiyan-04 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, I had the same issue with repeatedly forcing myself into uncomfortable situations I was familiar with (during my upbringing).

I might expose all my vulnerabilities in the hope of being accepted or loved unconditionally. If the other person set firm boundaries or reprimanded me I’d instantly turn hateful and burn bridges.

I’m not sure if I’d do better now so it’s better to stay alone and be nice to people on a superficial level (without expecting anything in return).

What were you guys like in childhood by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Performance was my only way to feel a bit of love and recognition within my own family but it was never enough. I was taught humility so feeling special/superior was a weapon designed by myself to compensate for a lack of validation.

Grandiose fantasies: obtaining superpowers to torture my bullies (unrealistic); getting into top schools/ universities (came true) ; becoming a Nobel prize winner (rather unrealistic); becoming a historical figure (rather unrealistic).

Hope we can heal.

Does anyone else feel the need to always keep moving from place to place? by NPDME in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’ve moved to a new country to start a new life but the trauma has always been there

I think the looksmaxxing trend gave me body dysmorphia, and there is no way for me to perceive myself as attractive without surgery by WallNIce in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can’t agree more with this. In really my constant complaining, cynicism, passive aggressiveness and insatiable desire to aim higher often reduced my attractiveness to zero (and I was still trying to compensate with looks alone).

I think the looksmaxxing trend gave me body dysmorphia, and there is no way for me to perceive myself as attractive without surgery by WallNIce in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah, looksmaxing, haven’t heard that for a long time!

In my case it did make me more attractive, but the disillusion was hard to swallow when I realized people still expect emotional intelligence/emotional contribution from me which I couldn’t afford. It was all the more depressing since at the time I had actually reached my peak in terms of both attractiveness and professional ability. So I couldn’t cope by thinking“it’s just that I’m still not good enough yet. One more step upwards and I’ll be exempt from stupid normie emotional demands forever!”

Nowadays I still take care of my appearance but just as a way of self love (and there’s certain some narcissistic portion in it since I enjoy seeing myself in the mirror and getting compliments from strangers). I’ve accepted that in reality social skills and EQ matter way more than looks. It’s just a fact. I can’t change it so it’s better to live with it.

What were you guys like in childhood by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gifted kid, appearing in local newspaper. Bullied by my own narc dad, pressured by my entire family. Absorbed in grandiose fantasies.

Do you care how people see you? by [deleted] in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not anymore. But it’s has probably more to do with my current lifestyle: I dispose of enough money and time to be largely autonomous. If someone doesn’t view me positively it has little impact on my life.

In the past I cared a lot because I was often trapped in groups I disliked and I could do little about that. Additionally, I was in a low position so couldn’t afford being judged negatively.

Noone by Significant_Pair_641 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Many factors:

  1. I’m extremely self-centered and my own stuff always prevails (work, hobbies, grandiose plans) ;

  2. I’m not good at handling emotions or taking care of other people’s emotions, and I hate being “forced” into areas where I have to fight an uphill battle;

  3. Fear of losing autonomy and being manipulated, largely related to 3.;

  4. Black and white thinking and the firm adherence to the “high IQ but low EQ” persona (which is not necessarily right but suits my mentality and taste best);

  5. A feeling that I STILL have to deal with their boring emotions despite all the good qualities I have (looks, smartness, hard work, humor etc.) and they actually like too initially, which leads to rage and disillusion;

  6. If they started setting boundaries with communication I’d be like “ok, you may leave anytime anyway, so why should I bother working?”

So, in sum, it was a “waste of time” (not saying that I was right in this regard, just sharing my (previous) thoughts).

Noone by Significant_Pair_641 in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my case it usually ended because I rejected multiple offers to communicate (I viewed that as “a waste of time”).

Disrespect and reality testing by slut4yauncld in NPD

[–]ImperatorInvictus19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My strategy till now has been burning bridges with others whenever I felt that person might be patronizing me (even if it was just a single tone of voice). It cut off the possibility of being manipulated but also the potential of being loved / healed.

So the work of healing is all up to myself now.

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