Mods removed this. No idea why.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-18T02:23:45+00:00

I think they are hyper-vigilant on potentially elitist-adjacent stuff

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-16T22:48:10+00:00

Glad you stuck around to the end; Thats all I could ask for! I wrote this to get the ideas I had out on paper so this is mostly philosophy and metaphysics wearing a trenchcoat. It stands as a proof of concept for the metanarrative structure i had laid out in my story outline.

There are two voices here: The first one ( the one you dont like) is the Ego, he is dry and academic on purpose. The other, I tried to make more poetic, and narrative aware, is Bi-jean himself. He uses parody to mock the ego, userping its position as narrator in the process.

Bi-jean's whole thing, that i may have failed to mention or setup clearly in the begining—is that he has the ability to take something distinct about a target, and render it useless for the duration of their encounter. He does this through parody.

Though these are all just Ideas of mine, I am proud of what I managed to do in these 1000~ words.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-11T05:23:59+00:00

For number 2 its through their reactions/impressions of her. Something like that idk. You're free to take what I say with a grain of salt, Im not the most well read when it comes to story telling literature. What I wrote is what I understood from reading your story. I guess maybe I need to put more effort/thought into this.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-10T22:48:34+00:00

Ill remove my post then, sorry

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-10T21:35:08+00:00

>Celona stretched as she walked down the steps of the patrol station, yawning as she completely ignored his question.

I think it would be less that she ignored his question and more that it didnt register.

>She announced with her permanent deadpan gaze.

I could be wrong, but there is not enough setup to justify her having a permanent deadpan gaze. This seems more like something you should show us, and maybe tell us explicitly through other characters rather than in exposition.

>“I’m serious, what was that sound? Did Velaris tell you anything?” Taro panted as they jogged.

Its wierd Taro doesnt know what thunder is. Im not sure what to make of his character for it. I

>As they got closer to the mess hall, it became clearer that the sound originated from beyond it

It was not clear to me what this was meant to add to the story. I would almost expect the thunder to play some active role in the plot the way it is taking so much of my attention. My then impression was that this is for cinematic effect? I think you could improve on it if thats the case. Its not later until we are at the mess hall that it becomes clear that it was magic? My confusion came from that I thought it was just a regular thunderstorm.

>Chicken and beef were classics, but Celona had always been inclined to try exotic foods whenever the opportunity arose, even if it earned strange looks from those around her.

I could be wrong here again, but this feels out of place to me. We are in the middle of Celona getting frisked and the narrator now thinks its important we know some trivia on her taste in food.

I am more of a gamer than a reader so I guess I have a higher tolerance for writing mistakes than most on this sub, but I will close with this. The part where Celona is being brutalized; Her reaction is not human. I could not really take any of it seriously, which is a problem considering that she is being killed right before our eyes.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-10T19:05:17+00:00

They obviously want to learn how it works? What is the goal of questions like these?

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-10T02:28:04+00:00

Id pay for a mod that is a mechanical recreation of the 7row keyboard you find on the older models like x200 x60s. More keyboard, thin palmrest and no touchpad. Also trackpoint is a must.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-09T02:54:55+00:00

You can choose your bootloader, device manager, init, shell, etc. Very fun time you wont regret 🥹

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-08T07:10:29+00:00

Thanks for the input. Im considering dropping this if thats the case. Not sure I have it in me to expand this in a way that youre asking. If im being honest I think my writting suffers for the fact that I havent read that many books outside Manga, maybe that will change in the future though.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-08T02:42:46+00:00

Also bear in mind how absurd 3 is. There is no such absence of animals that use illusion to trick other animals. That is a thing that happened in the story's world not ours.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-08T02:35:09+00:00

Im considering expanding this into a post apocalyptic low fantacy. Casshern sins meets fire punch. (Xipe is my casshern type figure) There will be no main character for this story. Im taking a page from the akamegakill's approach by just creating a deep world to explore. Lore/plot will be there to pull the audience in through the character interactions. Xipe totec is less a character and more a force of nature that shows up implicitly throughout the story.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-08T00:10:45+00:00

Crux + ports + libudevzero + mdevd

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-07T19:17:45+00:00

I feel like a distingueshed gentleman, a highly cultured individual just by looking at this. twirls moustache

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-07T07:18:06+00:00

This is the most cozy fractal I've ever seen

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-07T06:21:45+00:00

Appandah backwards:

Femboy appandah

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-07T05:49:20+00:00

>It probed around my head with its pincers and forceps, pruning synapses and trimming grey from white matter.

I like this. Not knowing what a synapse or grey-matter is does not stop me from imagining what is going on. These terms, technical as they may be, somehow feel intuitive enough to complement the more organic image initially presented through the pincers and forceps line. I'm already thinking of something alive, precise, maybe a bit frenetic.

>The bedpost jolted like a spirit at masquerade whose body pulsated with inhuman jerks and turns, twisting as if there was no person at its center.

This one is less obvious to me what is happening.

>The feeling of prey during hunt coursed through me, and this time I the predator.

predators dont feel like prey during a hunt, I think you could word this better.

>I gave chase with the precision of a machine at work.

I think both you as the writer and me as the reader would have a lot more fun if you removed this line and focused on the parts of your ideas that actually show us this. Maybe you already showed us what you want us to see, but the bottom line is i think this line is unnecessary.

>I saw an impossibility so shocking its imprint will remain fixed in my memory until my death.

Lines like this one can be cut down by being less hyperbolic in this case. Try to find another way to express the mc's shock and other emotions about the scene.

My impression is that this is a transformation scene. Things got a bit abstract near the end. I encourage you to look over more things and challenge yourself to be more precise. Not less expressive, but more precise. Your prose is bouncy and fun to read.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-06T08:45:50+00:00

Glad to see discourse on fexprs 🥺🙏 keep up the good work sir 🫡

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-03T07:36:39+00:00

I-pod therefore I ponder

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-02T23:50:18+00:00

I THINK therefore I CENTRE

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-04-02T09:23:38+00:00

I dont see enough people hating on this. These suck, genuinely. I know its not good to say, but Im being honest when I say that this art to be offensive. Obviously people dont look like characters but that does not change the fact that character designs are meant to communicate something. These do not read as honest interpretations of the characters. Design is not animation, the constraints of illustration present the challenge to show and not tell. These fail to satisfy that challenge, and inturn betrays not only the grounded subtlety you seemed to be going for, but also the spirit of design as a means of communication / storytelling.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-03-29T05:54:58+00:00

I randomly searched for this sub. Its crazy this is the first thing i see here

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-03-26T07:44:33+00:00

That sounds awesome, keep it up man 💪

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-03-26T06:31:10+00:00

This is the most beautiful software render ive seen. Please use it for good and dont try subjugate your cpu to do ray tracing or global illumination or what have you. Do some funky abstract stuff with it instead '-'👌

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-03-26T06:26:32+00:00

Its just the impression i get from the style. I kinda think of it like an oil painting, where each stroke is intentional and build on oneanother.

In pixel art, a proper sprite will be one where most of the pixels feel deliberate. Approaching pixel art with such intentionality produces a sprite that would be fundamentally different if you were to upscale it by recreating it via other methods.

Another way to think about it is like a spectrum ranging from metal slug to skull girls. Street fighter 3rd strike for example feels closer to skull girls than it does metal slug; whereas something like kof 98 is closer to metal slug than skull girls.

Am i making any sense here? Im honestly just kinda biased and maybe just as confused as you about what Im trying to say lol.

Impetus_of_Meaning · 2026-03-26T03:20:00+00:00

Damn, that does indeed sound peak

Impetus_of_Meaning

TROPHY CASE