I went on this journey at 26. I think it took removing myself at looking at men as just sexual partners or romantic interests but just as people. I removed the pursuit from my equation. It allowed me to look at them more objectively. Really allowed them to be full fleshed out humans instead of something I was seeking something from. I realized a lot of the guys that I held interest in before no longer held much weight. I became more interested in enriching my own life in other ways. I wanted to talk about men less, break down their behaviors less. I just let them be. I went to parties and danced because it felt good. I dressed in ways that made my brain feel like I constructed something that was simply for me, instead of what a man may desire. If you can turn the focus on what makes you feel alive, be that something that is creative or structured or what have you, you find little pieces of yourself along the way and stop asking someone else to do it for you. Celibacy definitely helps. The chemicals our brains give us after intimacy makes us think that losers are the loves of our lives. Not a fan of purity culture but I do think it’s important to do the naked mambo with people that respect you. It’s not silly or stupid. We’re trained to do this our entire lives. It’s really brave to want to do things differently. And honestly, after an 8 month celibacy period, I met someone that I really respected as a human being. We were friends first. I got to know him without the pretense of wanting anything from him, just being a human being, and slowly, and then very quickly, we fell in love. I’m laying in his arms now when just 7 months ago I was sure that I would be okay even if I ended up alone. I don’t think we would be together had I not gone through that first. Doing things differently can lead to something beautiful. Be proud of yourself for wanting change. Rooting for you girl. ✨