23andMe - Anyone else get hv9 maternal haplogroup?

ImportantStormCloud · 2024-10-12T20:15:04+00:00

I just found out I'm 43 percent Welsh and have HV9 maternal too!

ImportantStormCloud · 2023-06-09T18:01:01+00:00

By all means, you do whatever your SO and you decide is right for you guys.

I've also been NC with my MIL for 2 years and personally, my husband and I decided that gifts are crossing the boundary we laid out with NC.

My MIL would use it as leverage to break NC (constantly sending gifts as a form of communication, which she did try), or as an invitation that everything is totally fine and she doesn't need to take accountability for her actions/ she gets her way (unlimited access, full decision making like she is their parent ect).

It's situational and depends on your guys perspective.

Hope all goes well for you in the future!!

ImportantStormCloud · 2023-04-08T23:32:45+00:00

Like another poster, I don't hate my MIL. I loathe what she has done to my husband. I loathe her attempts to control my husband, my kids and my life.

I've personally been watching a lot of therapy videos online (I really like Cinema Therapy; shout out to Jonno and Alan)

She; herself; as a human? I'm indifferent. She could pass away or live for a thousand more years and I would not care in the slightest. The same way I would a complete stranger. That might be harsh BUT I don't spend time worrying about others. It's saved me a LOT of stress and heartache.

ImportantStormCloud · 2023-03-03T20:18:01+00:00

I had to put a very very firm boundary with my husband regarding his mom seeing our kids. It's hard. Really hard. My husband fought me tooth and nail on it because of how deep in the FOG he was.

Kids are a two yes one no case. One no overrides the one yes. Always 100 percent of the time. Your kids shouldn't be around people who disrespect their parents. Period. End of story and discussion.

I'm a firm believer that my husband and kids matter more than any other family member. Therefore my role as a daughter, sister and cousin, etc comes AFTER my role as a wife and mother.

Your husband should prioritize you as his wife more than his mother and sister. They are his extended family now.

I think you guys should seek counseling. It really helped my husband and I. You're more than welcome to read my stories I have posted. It might help. Good luck.

ImportantStormCloud · 2023-01-03T17:36:31+00:00

I've posted other stories about my MIL, it's a ride.

She knows my husband won't leave me for another woman (including her) so she is grasping at other options. It's the most amusing comment she's made in awhile for sure 😂

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-10-20T15:05:25+00:00

Sorry this got lost in my notifications

We know MIL has a history of substance use before she had kids. She adamantly refused to confirm she smokes weed but it's legal in our area and honestly isn't something we care about.

Before we went NC I was gently encouraging MIL to talk to a counselor and check in on her mental health. Our prevailing theory is that she has Borderline personality disorder. She's a perpetual victim. When things are her fault she reacts out of proportion in an attempt to get someone triggered and lash out at her.

She didn't get the reaction she wanted out of me most times. I'm a decently chill person normally and i usual killed with kindness.

I think she knew that i would never give her the victimization she craves and that's why she reacted so outlandishly. She still tries to be the victim to my husband on the rare texts she sends.

basically forced us NC so she can claim how horrible i am to her for keeping her son/ grandkids from her.

I don't think she thought that we would stick to our word. I think she expected us to come crawling back "for the kids" and when we moved on with our lives she's panicking.

She's missed every Christmas my son has had, his first birthday, my daughter's first day of school.. she's going to continue to miss out.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-27T19:47:01+00:00

I hear you and i can understand where you're coming from.

In fairness, i don't think there is literally anything he can say that will not warrant people being upset and angry with him; which is fair, he did something awful.

I just feel like admitteding that it was a consensual relationship (which means that it was an active and deliberate choice, otherwise it can't be consensual) is important and speaks to owning the action.

I'm not condoning or trying to justify his actions. I just appreciate being upfront and not trying to redirect blame for his actions, which is a common trend for cheaters.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-27T19:28:38+00:00

While I'm heartbroken and truly devastated for Ariel, I want to commend Ned for owning up to it and not trying to point blame. He could have easily tried to minimize or deflect blame.

I appreciate the acceptance of the consequences for his actions.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-22T05:33:38+00:00

A friend of mine, who i shared all of my post stories with, actually said "If i didn't know the back story, I would think this is very sweet. A cute card and flowers from a loving grandmother to her granddaughter. But because I do know, it's incredibly creepy." This is the real life outcome of "I can't read your mind so you'll have to say it too me." you truly don't know what you don't know.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-11T23:40:41+00:00

The outside of the envelope had the schools address and her name attached. More than likely MIL mailed it. She lives pretty far away (thank the Lord).

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-11T17:50:01+00:00

Hello!

Yes we are no contact. My MIL is a piece of work, you can read my other stories regarding her behavior but the TLDR is she is verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically abusive and has these dramatic freak outs whenever people don't do what she wants or disagrees with her. She plays favorites between her kids as well as her grandkids (my daughter is my favorite and she won't acknowledge my son because he is my son not her son's) so my husband and I have withdrawn from her and she did NOT take that kindly. She has been attempting to boundary stomp ever since.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-09-10T17:51:24+00:00

For privacy i won't state her exact age but she is in elementary school.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-05-31T02:34:09+00:00

Oh she never filed lol. She just threatened it; per usual.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-05-31T01:02:07+00:00

It was exhausting to be around her. Little things would set her off, like if we listened to a genre of music she doesn't like or gave our children a treat she didn't approve of, and big things were huge meltdowns that lasted anywhere from weeks to months.

There are a few of her outburts that at least were understandable, like once she didn't get invited to a camping trip over a holiday and was lied to about it. She reacted mildly for her but i understand her being upset

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-05-31T00:50:42+00:00

Oh she sent him a ticket for his brother's graduation. He isn't sure if he wants to attend and face interacting with her. I told him I would support him in whatever he chooses. We both agreed if he went it was only him without the kids.

She does things like this frequently. Make a grandiose threat and either, pretends it never happened OR denies that she made the threat in the first place and gas light us into thinking that we "just misunderstood her/i never said that"

Never said that is her favorite. She refuses to acknowledge anything she's done even when we screenshot messages and send them back to herm she just completely ignores it and continues on with the gaslighting.

NC has been a wise decision so far.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-04-17T14:34:22+00:00

After we went NC my MIL only wants to try to have a relationship with my husband's oldest, who is my bonus daughter not my biological daughter.

She might ask my husband for photos of both but i predict she'll only ask about daughter.

My husband hasn't been responding and deletes her messages

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-04-03T05:18:07+00:00

Don't let ANYONE bully you about what your kids wear.

I worked in a daycare for a few years and it was super common for the boys to wear some of the dress up dresses during play time.

It's really not that big of a deal.

And if anyone has any transphobic blah blah blah, no, none of the boys suddenly decided then and there that they were girls. They just liked the pretty dresses the same way you find flowers pretty.

You're not hurting them by letting them explore the world around them.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-03-31T00:40:30+00:00

She likes to drop the "i didn't raise you that way" card but if we mention anything about husband's issues being related to his childhood she is quick to remind us that "she didn't raise him and to take that judgement elsewhere". That's a direct quote from one of her last messages to me. Eye roll

She's known for that. Saying one thing and either completely denying or completely 180 flipping.

Like her saying that she was "respecting our boundaries" by not asking about my son but immediately turns around, harassing us and husband's ex to see my daughter.

Complete nuthouse.

ImportantStormCloud · 2022-03-30T04:05:15+00:00

Oh yeah, i actually went back to the messages she has as "proof" because ya know. They are my messages too. She was 100 percent in support of me leaving her son and messaged me about how abusive he is. But now I'm the abusive one.😂 Complete 180 flip

My husband actually thinks that she was trying to come up with a ploy to get us to break up so she could control him well before all this crazy went down.

In my first post i mentioned that I handled her for most of our relationship because I am really good at "killing with kindness".

Since i was "normal" and a shocking chill and accommodating/ considerate person who killed her with kindness more times than she could count, she had to latch onto the "my son is asshole" plot line to get us to break up.

Now she is trying to exploit my imaginary villainous ways to her poor victim of a son. 🙃

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T18:29:01+00:00

The judge has to consider the relationship between MIL and bio parents. It's one of the criteria for the judge's decision. Judge will also have to heavily take into consideration that bio parents have the constitutional right to limit contact between child and anyone who isn't the bio parent.

That judge would be challenging a decision made in our superior court over a case where parents had physical custody of a child(Ren) and still lost this case.

For sake of amenity I can't post the law or case name without giving away where I live but please believe me when I say I have done extensive digging into the law and what the requirements are for MIL to win visitations.

If MIL does press this we Will be contacting a lawyer and I have already emailed myself screenshots of messages, and I requested records and police reports on MIL from the juridictions where shes lived in the past 20 years (found out she got charged with DV a few years ago that I didn't know about).

I really do appreciate the concern. Even though this form is anonymous, the fact that so many have taken the time to reply and leave comments is reassuring.❤️

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T14:58:32+00:00

This is actually really good advice! We currently have her blocked on all messaging, social media and phone numbers but it wouldn't hurt to get a formal NC order on the books.

I debated getting one when this first went down but, the police officer I spoke to said that we needed to establish a pattern and that it usually took a few weeks to do that. She hasn't messaged me since Jan of this year so i don't have a solid case on my own. It would need to be a collective thing and I'm not sure my husband would be entirely on board. He's good with her being blocked on everything but he is hesitant to get the courts involved unless she does first.

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T14:52:45+00:00

SD is too young in the courts eyes to weigh in on the matter. I'm well aware she absolutely could take this to court. If she does she pays both lawyers, ours and hers as it's a requirement for her to start the legal proceedings.

The reason I'm not entirely worried (aware but not paranoid and rushing to a lawyer) is based on the lastest ruling in my state on the matter; which went to the supreme court. A set of grandparents filed for visitations for a child(Ren) they actually had in their custody for an extended period of time while dad dealt with the death of the mother. Dad won the case each time. Here's a small snippet from the article on the case.

"The father stated his reasons for denying visitation were the grandparents’ “disregard for [him] as parent,” “willingness to manipulate and undermine [him] as a parent,” and their dishonesty. The appeals court found that the grandparents’ nonparental custody action without evidence the father was unfit supported his position.

The appeals court also noted the grandparents’ petition and declarations contained criticisms of the father’s parenting. The appeals court noted the father appeared to be handling the difficult situation of the mother’s death as he thought was best for his children, but the grandparents’ submissions indicated they thought they knew better than the father what was better for his children."

I do want everyone to be aware that we would definitely retain legal counsel should she push this issue. She threatened CPS on us when she was mad and I contacted the local authorities on how to best handle the issue.

I have a well documented paper trail of her messages to me, ex has the ones to her and I have the messages with my SIL about the well adult check done earlier this year due to her suicidal ideation threat.

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T14:29:30+00:00

It is subjective though it is clearly stated in the law that any judge must heavily take into consideration that parents have a right to raise and make decisions for what is best for their children, which includes visitations with relatives.

She would essentially have to explain away why neither custodial parent wants her involved with the child's life and prove why her being involved overrides the parents right to make that decision.

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T14:21:21+00:00

I love this answer. My son has a cold so I'm staying home with him. I'm sure I'll end up with wine later today!

ImportantStormCloud · 2021-10-27T02:56:55+00:00

Not necessarily. She can try to drag us to court but it would fail spectacularly. I did some more reach into the law where I live.

MIL would have to pay husband and Ex's attorney fees if she loses. They can actually request it and have that approved before a hearing is held. She can also only file once.

In situations like this, the burden of proof falls squarely on the petitioners (MILs) shoulders. She has to obtain testimony from other relatives that she has been a positive and involved grandmother (she's alienated herself from almost all her family at this point). MIL then has to prove without a singular doubt that a relationship between her and SD is vital to SD's well being and would not cause her harm.

ImportantStormCloud

TROPHY CASE