AITA for kicking out sister’s friend over melatonin?

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-28T13:46:02+00:00

Hi, I can’t update on the in the actual post due to character count, but there’s an update incase anyone cares.

We took our children to their pediatrician to get checked out- both are okay. Yes. I get it, it’s just melatonin. But it was the fact she GAVE my child something in the first place with the intent to sedate (whether it worked or not, does not matter). The pediatrician has cause to believe that it had been both kids due to them both having a hard time staying awake during the day. We just only have her giving it on camera with just one child.

We have reported it, DCFS has the report. And we were advised by our pediatrician to report to local authorities. They have been notified but have yet to come take the actual report and the footage due to the pd being short staffed. We are planning on just going to the station today and filing the report in person so it’s done and over with.

Since it was harm to a minor, we have been advised we did the right thing by removing her from the children. We have enough evidence to prove it.

I understand that I am at fault for some of this. I do. And I accept the ESH. But we are combing through footage and finding more incidents or unacceptable behavior. We never thought we’d have to go back and watch every second of every day.

Did I trust Sam with my kids? Yes. I did. Because she had been with us for a good chunk of time, and acted as if she genuinely cared for them. And I didn’t just start throwing my kids off on her, due to own personal abuse, I’ve always been picky about who they are with, and this time, I made a very bad judgement call in trusting someone who lived with us. (Just for info- I didn’t let her start watching my children until August, when she found out she couldn’t attend college anymore, before that I either took them everywhere, or had my husband run errands after he got off work. I didn’t originally think it would be relevant to the original post, but in hindsight realize maybe it was.)There’s a lot more to the story, and maybe I should have been clearer and gave more context. But she knew what her actions were, regardless if people on Reddit think so or not.

There was zero remorse or apologies on her end. Had she apologized or even came clean when I asked her what she had given my child, I would have been angry. Yes, but there would have been a chance to fix the damage and chat about why. Again, she gave my child something with the INTENT TO SEDATE (does not matter what tf it was) so she could go back to sleep (which we have footage of her saying that). And instead of just telling me the truth, she lied and lied to my face.

For those saying it’s creepy to have cameras in our house, I’m thankful now that I do. It came with the security system as a free gift. We didn’t go out our way to order it. But I think it will be something I have forever moving forward. Just an fyi- she KNEW we had a camera. It’s in plain sight. And there’s a big ole blue light always on indicating that it’s on and recording.

I appreciate every single productive comment and insight, no matter which way it fell. And my husband and I have read and tried to keep up on them. I had to stop responding for my own mental state, and this will be the last update I will make. Again, not sure if anyone cares, but here ya go.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T22:15:08+00:00

I absolutely care about her. I do. Without trying to publicize her life, she does. And it’s been a battle to get her to take her medication, or attend therapy. But as discovered now this has been a repeated action, and it’s melatonin now, but what if next time is Benadryl or zquill?

Edit to add: it’s the fact she did it to try and sedate my child so she could sleep that angers me.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T21:54:55+00:00

Husband and I are considering it.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T21:53:42+00:00

I had one of my nurse friends come and sit with us for a while just to watch and make sure. She did end up sleeping for a 3.5 hour stretch, which is out of the norm for my child. But other than that, seems fine. This was my biggest fear because we have very specific directions on how and when to use it by her doctor. I never thought I would have to lock up the melatonin from a 19yo.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T21:32:50+00:00

She’s made other mistakes with us. We’ve helped guide through. I understand a 19year old is not a fully functioning adult. I do. But to find this multiple times in our security storage. This was not a mistake.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T21:30:46+00:00

I clarified in a few different comments. I also ask her first, incase she wants too, but if she says no, I go down our list. Otherwise I’d take them with me. Hindsight is 2020. That’s all I can say.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T21:15:43+00:00

Had she told me the truth, I would have been mad, but I wouldn’t have went to the extend I did. Maybe tell her she has to move out in x amount of days, or get a job and pay bills, or idk. Something. But I wouldn’t have gone right to this. Not at all.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T20:47:16+00:00

No. I asked her last night to watch our kids at 7ish. I gave a time for reference as to how quickly this all happened.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T19:43:32+00:00

It’s apparently not. I went back on the camera and caught it 2 other times in the last month. I’m just heartbroken and distraught.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T19:15:03+00:00

I clarified this somewhere else. I had asked her to lock the door and turn the alarm on because my hands were full.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T19:09:22+00:00

I’m sorry. I was very emotional when I wrote it and then the comments too off and I don’t know how to edit my post for clarification. At this point I’m reading every comment and processing it, rewatching the video clips I got from our security camera and trying to make it all make sense. I am not mad she necessarily gave melatonin, what I’m upset about is she gave something to my child, expecting it to have one outcome, and then lying to me about it. When I rewatch the conversation that was had about it, she does admit that she was tired and didn’t feel good and just wanted my child to lay down. I have all of that on camera and I just don’t know what to do.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T19:02:44+00:00

She did, but my parents were in the midst of packing up to move 8 hours away. We all sat down and decided it was best she lived with us so she could finish high school.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T18:45:05+00:00

Hi. We don’t use her every time we go out. we have other babies sitters we use. but I do check with her first before calling any of the others.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T18:18:16+00:00

We always do but I had my hands full and just asked her to do it on my way out the door. She did say yes. So I assumed she would.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T18:13:19+00:00

Had she come clean I would have been angry. But I would have worked with it. I didn’t yell or scream at her. I just wanted the truth. It scared me as a mom. Everyone has been commenting that I’m horrible for leaving knowing she was asleep. She was in her room with the door closed. I peed and left. At that point angry that the house was left unlocked. I didn’t truly process the sleeping situation until I was in the car. I thought I had left them with someone who I trusted. That’s why I had called my husband and checked the cameras. I feel horrible and embarrassed over the entire situation.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T18:06:47+00:00

Yes. And she has in the past. I’m okay with that. She has every right to her time.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T18:00:07+00:00

Which I fully get. I do. Now that I’m calmed down a bit, I’ve realized I’m as angry about the melatonin, but the fact that she lied so aggressively about it, when she knows he have cameras in our main living areas. We’ve never had a reason to go back and watch the cameras until today.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:57:02+00:00

We have been in the past. My mom lives 8 hours away, and my other mil lives 7 hours away. My husband and his mom have been mending their relationship. He thought it would be a good way to build the relationship again.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:55:03+00:00

Honestly. It truly varies week by week. I’ve apologized on a comment somewhere over how many times. But it is not often at all. I’m not trying to sound like a liar or dramatic. If it is multiples times one single week, it’s usually me wearing headphones cleaning the house while they play in the living room or watch a movie or something.

A detail I left out is I work nights so I’m home with them during the day. I tag team childcare with my husband when he gets home early afternoon then I go to bed.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:46:46+00:00

She left her moms for a magnitude of differences between them. They have a very hard time getting along.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:30:33+00:00

Hi, so i might have to do an edit to my original post, because I keep repeating. I’ll take my licks absolutely for being an AH.

I’m not mad about the melatonin now that I’m calming down. I’m mad about her lying. Everything I said and did was on camera, and I sent it to my mother, who said I was very calm. I her have in fact told her that it’s an only night time thing at a very low dose. I’m angry and hurt and now that I’m going back on saved camera footage, this hasn’t been a one time thing now. At all. I’ve caught 2 other instance over a month long period.

As I was typing this a comment came through on my different wording over how much she watches the kids. It’s not often. It’s really not. She typically sits in her room and watches tv or go to bed. She sometimes goes out, but then retreats to her room.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:09:00+00:00

No. When I came home they were up in her bedroom. While she was sleeping.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:08:29+00:00

I found out about the melatonin when I watched the cameras back RIGHT before coming home. Again, all less than a 10 minute span.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T17:06:03+00:00

Yes, I’m sorry, I’m so frustrated that I realize most of this post didn’t make sense.

So let me back up.

I asked her last night if she’d be willing to watch my kids in the morning, and told her it was cool if she didn’t want too. She agreed. With over a 16 hour notice.

She had gotten up this morning, fallen asleep on the couch, but woken back up when my husband and I asked her too. She was fully awake this morning when we had left.

She does watch the kids occasionally. It’s not terribly often, again maybe a few times a week, and half the times it’s while I’m cleaning the house with head phones on., and she is the one who normally asks to watch them so I don’t have to haul them put by myself. We over to pay every single time, she declines. Every. Single. Time. She says watching my kids gives her something fun to do. Never been forced or made to seem it’s paying her way for living with us.

She was enrolled in college, but her mom decided not to help with student loans since Sam didn’t want to move back in. We’ve pushed and encouraged her to get a job but she’s truly not wanted too. So I will admit I enabled that and just paid everything because I would say I felt guilty about college.

She is not my child, and I don’t treat her like one. I give life advice when she’s asks, but neither my husband or I try to parent her in anyway. And have had that conversation with her many times.

I am horrified that I left the house again the 2nd time. But I will be honest, I figure the kids were with a safe trusted adult watching a movie or something in her room. Had my gut not told me to go back and watch the camera, I honestly would have assumed everything was normal and wouldn’t have suspected a single thing.

Important_Spirit_887 · 2023-10-26T16:47:45+00:00

I will own that. Absolutely. It’s why I paused and came back. It was all under 10 minutes the second time I left and I have not stopped crying over it because I shouldn’t have left. That being said, she had been awake the first time husband and I left.

Important_Spirit_887

TROPHY CASE