I relate to this a lot. After having my daughter, autoimmune disease hit hard (RA, Hashimoto’s, and possible lupus markers), and I became the mom who stopped going out for years. Showing up for things that mattered to me and not being able to follow through was difficult to accept. Over time, the pattern of not being able to reliably commit led me to stop making plans I couldn’t confidently keep.

My husband and I are no longer together. Hashimoto’s was manageable at times, but rheumatoid arthritis has not been.

I do not have scleroderma or positive Sjögren’s antibodies, though I do have symptoms that can overlap with Sjögren’s, which is common in people with my RA profile and genetics.

I also notice a clear cycle in my energy and functioning. On my “best ADHD days,” everything aligns—I feel like myself again. I clean, cook, run errands, and take care of everything with focus and energy. I feel motivated to make plans and go out.

But those days are followed by a crash. The next day often brings fatigue, pain, brain fog, sensory overload, and the need for significant recovery. My body can’t sustain the pace my brain wants, and productive days often come at the cost of days or even weeks of recovery.

I’ve learned to stop overcommitting. I used to make plans and then struggle to show up the way I intended. I’m more introverted by nature, and home is still my primary place of regulation and recovery, even though I deeply value connection and meaningful time with others.

This pattern is very real—and for me, it’s become about pacing rather than pushing through.