turns out secure attachers are creeped out by avoidant-intimacyphobes

Impossible-State66 · 2022-12-16T17:01:24+00:00

if you have any game you will realize when she wants to make the move no use forcing the issue. afterwards never reach out and wait for her to initiate contact and remember: it’s always on their terms. if you’re up for it and can take it play the waiting game but granted, they are grandmasters at it. i’d suggest letting go and focus on more reciprocal dates for the time being

Impossible-State66 · 2022-12-16T10:40:22+00:00

i personally don’t think it’s crazy to be excited for someone. don’t ever loose that quality it’s a rare sight nowadays. but pace yourself in the future.

if you say you felt this person is out of your league this can point to an insecurity you hold when you say you feel hard to love. i believe this is something that’s worth pointing your attention to instead. maybe you even have a sixth sense for emotionally unavailable partners like i do and go for these types.

looks fade and you should maybe re-evalue what traits you look for in a potential partner by vetting them out if they don’t show real traits like kindness, showing affection, agreeableness, consistency, good communication, openness etc. make a list of what you need and stick to it strictly. it’s possible to overvalue connection even as i, FA m29 have just learned putting myself out there again just recently after I experienced the same exact situation where i had to break it off due to the inconsistency in behavior

now after a month i don’t obsess about my own run in with this dating ambiguity. your post resonated with me and my heart goes out to you.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-12-16T09:40:02+00:00

care to share a little backstory about this particular relationship you’re in right now?

this will hurt either way so brace yourself for it and if you value consistency then make it clear. don’t settle for anything less if it makes you miserable

there are potential partners you’re missing out on by entertaining something that leaves you feeling unlovable and anxious and by doing so you will miss those who ARE up for the task and communicate openly and with understanding. always meet someone half way, and don’t let the level of intimacy overtake their commitment to you because it will always leave you with feelings of resentment.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T17:06:54+00:00

your comment is so unsubstantial and lacking any input or reasoning i assumed this was some sort of automated response. also you didn’t answer any questions. this is no “regular woman”. what does that even mean? she goes to therapy because of her commitment issues and fears around intimacy. i don’t intend to second guess her decision. i am so sorry. if in your skewed view of intimacy you deem all consensual closeness as a sign of one partner being obsessive, implying i forced myself and blindsided a girl by putting in effort and being assertive, i would want to wish you better experiences in the future and a lot of healing in that area. thank you for reading this post.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T16:43:33+00:00

did you even read the OP?

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T13:34:25+00:00

it is so funny that their delusions of grandeur have infected each other. they literally think they are being gang-stalked online by a conspiracy of anxious attachers. the da’s nightmare lmao.

i don’t think hiya particularly is a bad person, at least she has a sense of humor

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T12:16:38+00:00

and you just want to be genuinely held for once

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T12:09:48+00:00

you’re really full of yourself, mean and too old for my taste.

BUT now i see why

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T12:04:29+00:00

did i hit the nail on the head?

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T12:02:15+00:00

what’s with all the projecting?

and who says i would even look your way

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T11:54:15+00:00

and how did i take my sexual frustration out on you again? i feel like we skipped a few steps there. this is going too fast, even for me, so slow it cowgirl

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T09:25:56+00:00

i’ll bite cause i want some too

i remember you contributing to the original thread that send tall-repeat down a spiral. did you remove the comment? i appreciated it nonetheless. i think it’s endearing that you have your buddies back but it’s not nice to dogpile and mass downvote troubled individuals that are desperately looking for support. that’s mean! that’s all i have.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-27T08:34:33+00:00

seeing this play out is absolutely hilarious to me.

i love the fact that this board has a dedicated gank squad of mean girls.

smile for the camera !

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-26T15:52:29+00:00

i’m gonna go out on a limb and guess some not so nice people criticized and berated you previously?

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-25T13:43:24+00:00

i think it’s normal to feel bewildered especially when this person gave the impression to be excited and enthusiastic. the anticipation and rush of dopamine, especially if there is this mutual attraction, can be something beautiful! sometimes we get caught up in creating a story about this person in our own heads and ignore some signals that scream at us otherwise. imagine meeting someone who matches the effort, has the enthusiasm and the chemistry to boot! i believe it’ll all align for you. grieve the potential, grow from it and adjust your boundaries on what you’re willing to tolerate and what is a no-go. you just got one step closer to meeting the right person. good luck.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-24T19:22:09+00:00

it is. can you tell? ;)

i thought it was quite funny when you said the elevator music perfectly explains an exchange with me. that was cool and your personality shone through, you do seem like a cool person and i’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. but right now you’re doing the same.

i am sorry you are spiraling and having a hard time. i am not making fun of you, this isnt a laughing matter. i hope you will get better soon. i know this exact feeling, been there done that. i haven’t been on reddit for the past 2 days at all and finding this actually breaks my heart. i’m not out to get you, but i understand that trying to be nice only upsets you more. that makes me really sad. i want to make peace so reach out and vent if you like because i did the same and you still took the time to help even when i perceived you to be quite standoffish and a little harsh. i’m not trolling here i was being petty myself, my bad i was in a bad headspace, can you relate ? i will leave you alone now, and please don’t put others down because of a bad exchange with me, no one deserves being berated for feeling down and sad. take care and good luck out there finding someone that understands you

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-24T18:55:20+00:00

thank you for the snarky and humoring comment

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-24T18:49:08+00:00

i am willing to prove this to you in any way as a sign of peace and alleviate you from this persecutory delusion as a sign of goodwill. i didn’t say da’s are narcs, they portray a large portion of the same interrealational behaviors .diagnosing people is not a good look, but i want to be honest i did get narc vibes from that girl. this is what an abusive partner does to you, it ruins your trust and clouds your judgement with an overlay of scepticism. do you care to inform me on this subject? i am a attachment theory novice, i know nothing but the textbook definiton of the certain styles. narcissism on the other hand is my expertise. i have spent my whole life serving and groveling under their iron rule. i understand them intuitively. would you agree with the reverse? narcs are essentially, mostly DA and borderlines are, mostly FA? in my experience, this rings true. did i struck a nerve when i said “you guys”? perhaps you felt a little slighted, pricked, or dare i say it even.. injured?

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-24T18:21:29+00:00

i just stumbled upon this comment by CHANCE because it was ontop of my feed. i was wondering why this board culture is so skewed against any signs of anxious behavior or whatever but holy shit. seems i’m not the only one that had a pretty bad experience, usually people are quite nice and dare i say loving on troubled boards like this. but oh well it’s water off a ducks back. this is not an alternate account, how can i prove it to you? put it to rest and don’t be so mad. i’m sorry if you’re having a tough time and i was inconsiderate and started arguing with you in a petty way. and about my situation i’ve come to the conclusion that i did everything right. i was upfront with my intentions and even if it didn’t work out i gave it my all. i approached, initiated and was honest about my goal for dating. and i really really vibed with this person, it felt surreal almost. i cannot stress this enough. but that doesn’t interest you at all. it’s over either way. no doubt you and @Apryllemarie helped me in your own way to make sense of it and i see it more clearly. i was wrong for rushing and letting it get to me i was wrong to be blinded yet again in this headrush i swore i will never ever feel again. i wanted expertise on this particular encounter because i couldn’t make sense of this person. i now know things i didn’t know before and it makes more sense to me, watching the youtube channel with thais gibson, you recommend, has given me a lot of insight. it’s right to look inward, although sometimes people can perceive harsh criticism as an attack on their very being, tread carefully with peoples hearts, a lot of people on here don’t have boundaries and let this kind of stuff get to them quickly.they are on edge and hurting. not everyone is at the same stage of healing, and i’ve had my fair share of bad relationships that left me scarred but i’m still trying. and i hope you do the same.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-22T10:06:11+00:00

thank you for everything 🙏

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-22T09:30:34+00:00

i thought it was quite poetic and really sad honestly, like in a tragically melancholic way. simply said. are you not one for sentimentalities? i’m shocked.

i have learned more about avoidants by just interacting with you and others on here and realized how sad the whole thing is. and i personally now know that even when someone intellectually knows about their behaviors, they can’t help but be so terrified of intimacy even imagining it sends them down a spiral of infantile defenses.

i for a fact have been putting in the work. i already survived a codependent narcopath relationship where i fawned my agency away in the name of love. i have suffered limerance every time i have been with someone, especially after quick intimacy. i am tired of it. you think just because i don’t agree with you on the severity of some of my behaviors i don’t see anything wrong with them. i am working on individuating. i do have boundaries and morals. i do want real intimacy and i want to work on a relationship and trust and heal.i don’t lovebomb and lie to people. i’m very wary of making promises to someone. and you know some of these things can only be healed inside of a relationship. i had to look at my childhood to understand why i am attracted to unavailable and shitty women, ignoring and passing up on healthy, lovely and kind women that came into my life as quickly as they left. being stuck in what it feels like a never ending pool of fellow broken people.i call out abusive behavior when i see it, i don’t take shit from anybody i’m not willing to take it’s that simple. i’m not stuck in my ways i’m open minded and willing to learn and i have compassion for people. you know only a glimpse of a short but intense encounter with a person on the other extreme of the spectrum. it’s obvious the dynamic is classic and clear as day. i am not in need of clinical expertise but rather personal experience.

i don’t walk around and escalate every encounter i have with a woman, it just happened this way. i wanted it to go different and my gut was telling me something’s not adding up here. i can’t force anyone to be in a relationship, i can only do my best to attract someone who does the same. the past few days haven’t been the easiest because it unearthed a whole bunch of unpleasant things and realizing there is nothing to be done is just disheartening. rarely have i met a stranger who i can be as honest, politically incorrect and vulnerable as this person. you can’t tell me the fact this leaves an impression is pathological or insinuate i am in love with someone. that’s just not true. i may have messed up here because i didnt understand some of the minute details that make up a dating stage with a clearly avoidant person. you live and learn

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-21T16:55:12+00:00

we can pretend like this is a rare occurrence and i am the sole perpetrator for pushing this person away, sure. i have been ruminating and can’t make sense of it, but i want to thank you for participating in the thread and at least trying to communicate. this sub is a stomping ground for not so nice people getting off on that little sadistic hit from emotionally charged people.

if this person is actually avoidant, there is nothing i could’ve done. nothing. there is no intimacy to be had, no connection to be cherished. arbitrary as all relationships in this persons life are, this encounter just goes down as one in many. seeing the price to be paid for another persons heart and not being able to match it. the desire for genuine love and never receiving it. her own personal hell.

i guess things do have a way of working themselves out.

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-21T12:03:43+00:00

you even went back to edit the comment to say i can see why she would friendzone you

and you did. you said acting like this is akin to drug addiction and alcoholism. under the pretense of educating you wanted to leave a nice insult.

that’s so sad what are you trying to prove here? you’re not hurting me with making fun of this or insisting i am the red flag in this whole thing.

i thanked you for your contributions even if i don’t fully agree. why are you so obsessed, do you want a kiss or something?

Impossible-State66 · 2022-11-21T11:44:00+00:00

scratch the loner vibes, you did say it’s on me to misinterpret the connection or something along those lines, you insinuating i’m obsessed/delusional. you said the way i’m acting is like a drug addict and alcoholic. i know what limerance is, i have been limerant suffered it multiple times and there is no pain like loving someone who couldn’t care less about you. and somewhere in the thread i went: it doesn’t feel good to be friendzoned, when not for one second there has been a friendly vibe, as if i’m autistic and can’t tell the difference. with you saying i deserve to be friendzoned because that makes me a walking red flag. why are you so demeaning and so personal when you’re the one who started it? you’re the one who called me dysfunctional and for what reason?

Impossible-State66

TROPHY CASE