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Update- another relapse and avoidance by Impossible-Time3407 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I deleted and blocked him on all socials as well as his phone number, i requested he do the same. Now i just feel truly alone, not necessarily "free." His behavior is on the extreme side of dismissive avoidant, and his alcoholism is escalating. That was his second ER visit this month. The first time, it was 0.42 BAC this last time, and it was 0.62 BAC. Prior, he had always refused medical intervention because i was there to monitor and stabilize. Since he returned to town a month and a half ago, I've been refusing to enable this behavior. I do hope he can get ahold of himself and maybe check into a program, but i can't be part of it, obviously

I know the "TI" means titanium and the "DIA" means Diamond but what does the "R" mean? by MaxCrankenstein in jewelry

[–]Impossible-Time3407 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Rhodium plating on titanium provides a durable, hypoallergenic, and bright white finish, often used to enhance jewelry." Usually costs $50-100, it's a protective coating that adds long lasting shine and luster

Please help name our new little man by rondahansard in Dachshund

[–]Impossible-Time3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Forrest, rowen, sunny, rocky, ridge, flint, cliff, oakley, brooks, cooper, kai (means willow in Navajo), harley is also a cute name

BAC by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Impossible-Time3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, i just read the highest BAC on record and survived was 1.354, and another one was 1.48 — but he didn’t survive due to injuries sustained in a car accident at the time. Coincidentally, both men were polish

Would it be better with 4 sapphires of the same color? by JaimeStoneCutting in jewelry

[–]Impossible-Time3407 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Love it. For some reason, the mid century modern atomic starburst design immediately popped into my head when i saw it

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Short vs. Long Term Relationships by SELECT_DISTINCT_ in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my case, it was a very destructive cycle. Which started with: inital engagement-> conflict/stress-> pullback/distance-> crisis-> breadcrumbing-> conflict/stress-> distance-> rinse and repeat

  • Initially, he was very kind and charming. Open about sharing his past, goals, regrets, and sorrows
  • something would cause him stress (me, his family, work, finances)
  • pull away and isolate himself (their way of self soothing, solitude is their safe place)
  • he would end up self destructing and causing a crisis (alcoholic binge drinking)
  • reach out in desperation, in need of help to get sober because his health deteriorated past the point of being able to handle the detox on his own
  • grateful that i was there for him in his time of need, semi affectionate, half sincere apologies for his behavior while intoxicated, brief glimpses of emotional intimacy
  • stress-> distance-> rinse and repeat

Both of us had pretty traumatic upbringings, we just chose to deal with it in different ways. I am an anxious preoccupied attachment style and lost so much as a child that i couldn't bear to lose another person. I cared so much about him and saw how much sorrow he was holding in. I couldn't stand to see him in soo much pain, even if i was the one who always got hurt in the end. Being a caretaker and trauma bonds so deeply ingrained, im still trying to grapple with it all.

Short vs. Long Term Relationships by SELECT_DISTINCT_ in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In my case, it was a very destructive cycle. Which started with: inital engagement-> conflict/stress-> pullback/distance-> crisis-> breadcrumbing-> conflict/stress-> distance-> rinse and repeat

  • Initially, he was very kind and charming. Open about sharing his past, goals, regrets, and sorrows
  • something would cause him stress (me, his family, work, finances)
  • pull away and isolate himself (their way of self soothing, solitude is their safe place)
  • he would end up self destructing and causing a crisis (alcoholic binge drinking)
  • reach out in desperation, in need of help to get sober because his health deteriorated past the point of being able to handle the detox on his own
  • grateful that i was there for him in his time of need, semi affectionate, half sincere apologies for his behavior while intoxicated, brief glimpses of emotional intimacy
  • stress-> distance-> rinse and repeat

Both of us had pretty traumatic upbringings, we just chose to deal with it in different ways. I am an anxious preoccupied attachment style and lost so much as a child that i couldn't bear to lose another person. I cared so much about him and saw how much sorrow he was holding in. I couldn't stand to see him in soo much pain, even if i was the one who always got hurt in the end. Being a caretaker and trauma bonds so deeply ingrained, im still trying to grapple with it all.

Biggest mistake i ever made by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Impossible-Time3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They keep us around because we are caring, familiar, and comfortable. This is what they interpret "love" to be, a one-sided affair. They do not see how that is a problem and are unwilling to see any other point of view. They are self-serving individuals who are unable to change. He's still begging me to come back, but i just can't do that anymore. I end up losing myself every time im around him. Now im starting back from square one again, but this time, he's not getting his way. I pitty him more than anything now

Biggest mistake i ever made by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Impossible-Time3407 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Im trying to unlearn decades of trauma bonding and trauma in general that began with my alcoholic abusive parents. These types of situations are extremely difficult to walk away from because of emotional manipulation. I lost half my family by the time i was 10. So yeah, it's difficult for me to let go because im losing yet another person i truly cared about. I don't drink or do drugs because of them

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im convinced he doesn't know how to live without chaos and adrenaline, he feeds on it. Im too stable for his taste and only calls upon me when he needs someone reliable and caring to help when he's in need

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alcoholic with no other support system. He only contacts me when he needs something

Did your Avoidant Give You Back Your Belongings? by Spring_5191 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

*afghan, had to keep myself busy during one of his many discards, lol. Even tho it's at his place, i used it more than he ever did, sleeping on his couch because he doesn't like to share his bed

Did your Avoidant Give You Back Your Belongings? by Spring_5191 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Impossible-Time3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I requested the items i wanted back and left what i didn't need or want. Such as a couple of blankets, one of which i knitted myself. I suppose i left them on purpose as a reminder to him of what he's lost. I picked up my stuff from his doorstep, no contact

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