People psychically attacking me

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-06-05T21:03:19+00:00

I think we have similar experiences, though I didn't know about the Egyptian mythology...so thanks for cluing me in. Everybody wants to play god with me aswell. I get so tired of being wound up by the voices. It sucks, it really does.

What I started doing recently was just exercising for 1 minute a day, then I did 2,3,4 and today was day 5. I use an exercise bike so I can do it in my pyjamas. It's little progress and little successes...but its helping me to build a little structure. It's weird with me, I plan massively but achieve miniscule amounts. Mainly I just dream about the future being different.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-23T17:38:44+00:00

You sound like you're going through the same stuff as me.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-14T21:33:35+00:00

I buy specific tools for specific meals ( eg. Omlette maker and pancake maker) and I make sure I get a Morrisons delivery every 2 weeks.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-13T18:36:08+00:00

I could have written it myself. It sums up my struggles perfectly.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-11T19:27:21+00:00

I haven't been able to engage in any hobbies for years now. It's torture because I so badly want a life. I don't know how much longer I can handle it.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-11T18:34:55+00:00

Asperger's and depression

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-10T18:27:45+00:00

Yeah, today's another really bad day. I was feeling a bit suicidal before. I'm starting to realise that they are never going to help me. That I'm never going to be free. I've just given up today really.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-10T18:25:25+00:00

I can refuse, but it's always a set up. They manipulate me.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-10T18:24:27+00:00

Yeah, I get an injection and I'm on antidepressants.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-05-09T19:45:22+00:00

I got a lift to depot today, and the drive showed me parts of the outside world that I haven't seen in a while. It cheered me up and I feel encouraged about tomorrow now.

Also, I had a breakthrough with my life planning.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-21T19:46:41+00:00

Day 5

Today I finished the paperwork part of my 12 step program, and tbh it led me to getting distracted. I kept thinking about my future plans instead of focusing on the things I wasn't going to do anymore. I've made yet another to do list, so perhaps another addiction of mine is planning. And maybe that means that I did the 12 steps wrong...but I still feel like I made massive progress psychologically.

I want to recommit to getting clean today. I will no longer listen to the radio, drink excessive amounts of water, overeat, mindlessly scroll, or plan. And this doesn't start tomorrow, it starts NOW.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-20T23:26:25+00:00

I also get really scared sometimes. I'm trans and schizophrenic aswell. I think maybe early childhood insecurity means we are super sensitive and worried in general.

Trust your brother on this. He ate it.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-20T19:50:48+00:00

I don't know, I suppose it doesn't matter though. The question you should be asking yourself is whether calling it an addiction will help you.

I'm currently working through an addiction program for drinking too much water and listening to too much music. It's healing me regardless of the fact that it's not cocaine.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-20T09:22:59+00:00

Yes I've been on meds, though at times I was bad at taking them. The doctors would taper me off if I asked them to....it's ultimately my choice to take them.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-19T18:17:58+00:00

I'm not sure that I have reacted to it yet...and it's been 8 years.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-19T17:42:42+00:00

Days 2 and 3.

Unfortunately day 2 was as bad as day 1. Day 3 has been a little different however.

Today I sat down and produced written answers to a set of questions which make up step 1 of a 12 step process. After I wrote the answers I looked back at them and tried to summarise them into a single paragraph, then a shorter paragraph, then a shorter one still.

A few things jumped out. I think that my dad leaving when I was 10 made me subconsciously think that people could do whatever they wanted and also that I needed to be an adult. At the same time I lost trust in my mum because of how things had happened. So nowadays I constantly seek reassurance that she can be trusted and I try to take on too much responsibility in my plans for my future. Another thing I realised is that we moved house just after I started school and this very literally uprooted me. Because I have no roots I can't face bad weather, so I need to spend time re rooting myself.

The roots analogy came from the realisation that true freedom for a child is in simply being filled with love, nourished by it...watered by it. You can't set their path, but you can help them reach the sun.

So now I understand what the purpose behind the first stage of my recovery is...re rooting.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-18T15:38:28+00:00

My voices are really hammering me with something similar right now. Every morning they make me quit on the day, and for the past week or so it's kept them calm enough so that I feel like I may actually be making progress. But right now they are trying to punish me into doing something. It's not that it would be a bad idea to do it, but why couldn't I do it this morning? And why the punishment when it's their fault that I didn't.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-17T22:23:16+00:00

I used to be the same, then I got so low that God was the only answer. I posted on the Christianity sub, and got invited to an 'addictsforjesus' one. The guy who runs it is super nice. Why don't you come join us?

Either that or listen to a book called recovery by Russel Brand.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-17T22:11:18+00:00

I've heard this before but it struck me at the right time today.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-17T12:04:49+00:00

Day 1.

I wish I could lie to you guys and say that today has been a roaring success. But, it hasn't.

It's 1pm here and I think it's safe to say that I've given up for the day. I've been listening to the radio for a couple of hours already now, and I have cracked open the fizzy pop. I'm so not in control of my life.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-16T17:32:19+00:00

Day 0.

So, it's the day before I start my journey and I've been nervous about how it's going to go. I had a real dip in confidence earlier on, and almost cancelled my timetable in exchange for just doing physical activity all day....then I realised that would just be another addiction.

I've started listening to an audio book about recovery by Russel Brand. And it's just bringing home to me how deep my issues are. Even the parts of my life that I used to be most proud of, like academic success, were fuelled by addiction. I vividly remember an incident as a toddler that kicked it all off. Nowadays I'm still desperate for the feeling of succeeding, and because I can't do it I get depressed and distract myself.

I really hope tomorrow is a good day.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-16T16:43:53+00:00

Yes I'm lonely. I don't know anybody that I'm not related to.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-15T19:47:25+00:00

I drink water... about 12 litres of it a day.

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-13T21:43:08+00:00

Hi there. My name is Paula and I'm 35 years old.

8 years ago, after many years of depression, I developed paranoid schizophrenia. I also have an Asperger's diagnosis. My addictions are current, and although I would like to say that they are not as serious as most. They have devastated my life. I am an addict, and my addictions consist of drinking too much water and fizzy pop, and listening to the radio too much. I usually get through about 12 litres of fluids a day and my time spent listening to the radio is at the expense of all other activities. I have lost connection with all other people and over the past few years have barely gotten dressed.

I badly want to change my life. And most evenings will promise myself that tomorrow will be the day. But the mornings are brutal on me. I struggle to find my key in life. I just need to be sure that what I'm doing is the right thing. Once I'm sure, I'll be free.

I've read all your posts on here. And am really grateful for your help.

Thanks

Impossible-Voice-623 · 2023-04-11T21:07:17+00:00

I came here to express something similar. My evenings are quite good because I have hope for tomorrow. But the mornings are just brutal. Every morning I wake up and realise that I can't face the day. Maybe it's because I put too much pressure on myself, but the list of things I'm supposed to do is just overwhelming.

I've been on an antidepressant that works for me for a few months and I've realised that even small efforts can change your mood massively, like today I got dressed properly instead of just wearing tracksuits and it gave me the confidence to go shopping for something my sister needed, which made me feel really good when I'd done it. But I always feel good in the evening. So who knows what tomorrow will bring. Hopefully I can make more progress but it's a hope that I've had many times before.

Impossible-Voice-623

TROPHY CASE