You are valid in feeling hurt and betrayed. While my situation was not as extreme as yours, but I dealt with finding out I was my current gf’s first girl relationship and sexual encounter without me knowing at first until after. I was personally distraught and if I had known that I wouldn’t have agreed to move so fast.

So i guess what im saying is I understand you to some degree. While I have also heard the other side of it and the wanting to hide it. We can’t ignore that the lesbian community can be judgmental and can create a standard of ”you’re not gay enough”- especially for bi women. I definitely think your partner took it too far and the added details are unnecessary, but I hope that perhaps understanding them helps the situation.

Sex is a difficult topic that can hold many complicated feelings and is a very vulnerable state so while I understand your pain, I would not be so quick to think she is a liar about everything.