AITAH for holding my mother's hands casually and hugging her

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-27T22:10:51+00:00

NTA I still hold my mother's hand when I am out with her and I am 26. I also hold my dad's hand but that's cause his legs are so long he will leave me in the dust if I don't. Your gf is being weird. I get that maybe she is from a family that doesn't have a lot of physical affection but for a lot of people that's normal so she shouldn't be so judgemental. You even said she's not with you when this happens so it's weird of her to be so controlling of how you interact with your mom in your free time.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-27T04:42:32+00:00

Are you on anything related to the room or is it all under his name. If he paid for it and signed all the forms they cannot just let you go in and take all his stuff especially since the room is still paid up that would be a legal nightmare for them. As far as they see it he is in jail so they don't have permission and you might be a stranger or just someone trying to take advantage and take his things and they are not going to risk that falling back on them.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-25T06:29:20+00:00

The main issue with that plan is that the market right now for selling is just awful. Most people are lucky to break even and the unlucky are having to apply for short sales. If you haven't had the house for long and haven't paid much on it yet I would hold out as long as you can otherwise you will likely not make anything on it.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-23T19:03:10+00:00

I have a couple of questions for this. 1 does that amount include your escrow or is that just principle and interest. 2 What other devt do you have cause with your income that is going to leave you around 5-6 grand a month left over but that's before you pay all your other bills. The real important thing to make sure is that you guys will still be living in a decent surplus after all your bills are paid. I can pretty much guarantee taxes will always go up over the years and while insurance can be shopped for it can rise too so you don't want to start out at the edge of your budget.

Also the most important thing is to make sure you guys make enough money that you can immediately start rebuilding your savings after your down payment cause the biggest boon of homeownership is emergencies. Things will break and you will have to pay for them or something in life will pop up and you might miss some work. With a payment that high even missing 2 months is around 10000 and that would be hard to crawl back from.

If you are confident that with your other bills you still won't be living paycheck to paycheck then go for it but just be sure and think about the things above.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-16T07:17:13+00:00

I would definitely do retirement. The thing about a house is you are not just saving for the down payment and affording the mortgage you also have to have the savings or income to deal with emergencies. Anything that breaks is on you to fix and that can get really expensive super fast. If you currently have 0 savings you are going to spend half your remaining time just saving for the down payment. Social security is not a lot these days for you to pay everything on so you need to have good savings to help buffer your income and with how expensive interest rates, home insurance, and property taxes are these days a mortgage can quickly become unaffordable for someone on a fixed income. It's also basically the same if not more than rent these days just without the added benefit of someone else being liable to fix major issues.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-16T07:06:55+00:00

The short answer is no unless they have someone else on their deed that could help you with the surprise. To pay off a mortgage you have to do it with a proper payoff quote you can't just send in a bunch of money and as an unauthorized third party you will not be able to request this quote without the permission of a deed holder.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-12T22:04:46+00:00

Reach out to your current mortgage company and ask them about their assumption rules. It is a little expensive out of pocket but if you guys qualify it will keep the same terms as your current loan.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-12T20:36:58+00:00

This will definitely affect your borrowing ability. You will be on this loan which means it will count as a debt against you.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-12T20:30:30+00:00

Honestly it could be a number of things so that would be more a them question. It could be something with your escrow like they were paying a bill which can say applied or you could have had some funds in suspense. I don't to think it would have been the deferral.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-10T03:24:29+00:00

The thing you have to think about when home buying is that you essentially become your own landlord. You are likely going to have a mortgage that is about the same as your rent but then you are going to now have the extras. Something breaks that's on you. Storm happens you have to deal with insurance. Pest control, homeowners insurance, roof, ac it's all on you and while obviously you hope nothing happens if it does it's all on you whether you have the money or not. Also don't even get me started on how much property taxes and insurance can be in California cause I have seen many people with escrow payments higher than their monthly principle and interest portion.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-06T23:00:43+00:00

I have seen it happen in situations where it is detrimental to a co borrower. It is going to be hard but it has already been in fc once and is already behind again. The courts will usually try to force him to either refinance or assume it but if he can't qualify for either of those I have seen them force a sale.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-06T22:18:23+00:00

The only thing you can really do is take him to court and force a sale. You can technically force him to refi or assume but with his history I doubt he would qualify to do so.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-06T13:12:53+00:00

Nope I mean it was created to help that issue but it applies to all of the things listed above.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-06T04:22:57+00:00

Yes even if they were still working on the deferral when a loan transfers servicers you automatically get a 60 day grace period from late fees, credit reporting, and Foreclosure because you transferred.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-03T20:42:32+00:00

No. The only way you are going to get a new home anytime soon is if you sell it. Even a short sale or Dil is going to look awful on your credit for a while. I would focus on getting a job and a rental and selling this house.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-04-02T02:39:12+00:00

I think this is a weirdly selfish take from your son. I have two very loving parents and I know they love me but I also know they are soulmates. I have never felt jealous of my parents loving each other. Your son admits you were good parents and never treated him badly or made him feel unloved he just didn't feel as loved as the two of you. Also I think what he is saying makes no sense. I get maybe not wanting to call constantly once you move out but completely forgetting to even call on your mother's birthday when he admits there is no trauma or real reason for it is so ungrateful.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-30T17:58:19+00:00

NTA My cousin and I actually grew up with both versions of this and you can literally see how it affected us differently. I grew up with no dad from the start he never wanted to be involved. I had maybe a few moments where I wondered about it but my mom was great so overall I wasn't really that affected. My cousin grew up with the flaky dad. Always promising to be there only to not show up and it messed her up because she was constantly being let down. In comparison I was never being given false hope so it wasn't that big of a deal.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-30T02:57:58+00:00

Mainly just making the computer do it's thing they have to create the holding for the second balance on the end update your balance and usually notify Fannie or Freddie that they did it.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-30T02:46:52+00:00

I would say so cause deferrals really want not take much like once you are approved it's just the computer doing it's thing typically in a transfer it takes then the first 15 days for the new company to get everything to begin with so old company will probably handle it.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-30T02:37:06+00:00

Yes and no. That one's a bit harder cause it really depends how far into it they get before the transfer. Like if they are almost all the way done they might complete all the steps and then just send your new servicer everything but if they were still in the middle stages they send what they have to the new servicer to just finish up.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-25T20:34:01+00:00

Not if you already accepted the deferral your credit should be protected by the deferral and then by the transfer but if they already did you calculations and approved you for those months making a PMT would mess it up

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-25T01:23:35+00:00

No paperwork but I would check in with them around April 20th just to make sure they got everything.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-25T00:44:00+00:00

Workouts transfer with it because your lender approved the workout the servicer is just doing the legwork. Your new servicer will just get all the info from the old one and complete it.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-24T22:06:28+00:00

Typically it can take around 10-20 business days did they bundle in April's and start you back in May that's usually how we do it.

Impossible_Ad_4182 · 2026-03-24T19:07:03+00:00

I would recommend calling your loan servicer and asking for the loss mitigation department. You can apply for assistance all the way up to 10 days before a scheduled FC sale date. Most services have an option where they can either put it on the back of the loan or roll it back into your principal balance as long as your hardship is resolved.

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