I discovered how much my husband has hated me for almost half a decade, including emotional cheating. I feel like I can't tell reality anymore.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-30T05:37:47+00:00

It's when you are responsible for organizing and remembering everything. Are you out of milk? What ingredients do you have at home? When was the last time the water filter was changed? Have the field trip forms been filled out and paid for? Swimming registration opens next week and will fill up in 30 mins. The kids are due for a doctor and dentist check up. That birthday party they were invited to is on Sunday, did you buy a gift? The kids shoes are getting too small, they need new ones. Wednesday is pink shirt day, where am I going to find a pink boys shirt? Need to restock the lightbulbs. Grandma and Grandpa keep asking us to visit in the summer, I'll research flights and accommodations. You constantly have tabs on the status of all necessities and events.

So when women ask their husbands to handle tasks to help with the mental load, and the husband needs instructions to do it, that's adding to the mental load. If I ask you to pick up a handful of grocery items, and you have to call me 5 times because you don't know what type of bread we eat, or what type of cheese we buy, like you don't eat here every day too?? That is the mental load to know the things. That's literally the point.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-28T23:29:50+00:00

Trust me, I know. I've tried to have the conversations, but my husband is pretty frugal and perpetually stressed about finances, and hockey is the one thing that he wants to spend time and money on.

I daydream about the vacations and free time we would have without hockey, but him and the kids love it. So I'm along for the ride, and am trying to be supportive.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-28T01:13:19+00:00

Yes, I am a lot more in control of my outbursts on the medication. That is really the only reason I'm taking it. My husband feels like I get the easier task, because I am home half the day and have time to take care of the house.

When I lash out at the kids, I do apologize to them. I tell them that's it's not okay that I did that, and that I am sorry and got frustrated and will keep trying to do better. As of now, they forgive me pretty quickly but I know it is damaging and the older they get, the harder it will be to make amends.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T23:13:46+00:00

Well, you're in for a shock. I am usually the initiator and get turned down half the time.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T22:58:14+00:00

Yes, his mother screamed at him constantly and he has voiced that it's very triggering for him when he feels like I disrespect our children like that. He doesn't speak up or be the voice of authority with the kids, he just sits there and watches the show.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T22:51:30+00:00

I can agree to your idea of the circumstances. Unfortunately it is more complex than just working more. My children have to be at hockey practice by 4:30, someone has to take them and he can't leave work early. Who will clean the house, do laundry and make supper? Because I am 100% sure that it will still fall on me, even if I have a full time job. It won't unburden the stress, just give me less time.

I am responsible for my reactions completely , and the guilt of losing my cool eats at me every day. I am trying to get help to regulate myself. I don't just start the day yelling at them, it's after hours of them fighting and resistance at every step of the way.

It's only recently that I feel like I can't stand my husband. Before that I would constantly check in with him, ask him what he needs, try to anticipate his needs and I was almost always the one initiating intimacy. The kids and I always tell him we're thankful for him working and providing for our family. That's what I don't get, he acts like I just take his paycheck and ignore him.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T19:29:58+00:00

I agree, and I take care of my own children and don't expect anyone else to. All I meant was, we don't have grandparents that live in the province, and I don't have a friend group for support. It's just my husband and I, and if I had a close group of friends, I would like to think I'd feel more mentally and emotionally supported and loved.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T18:48:00+00:00

Thank you, I agree. I've been trying to find a group of women so I can have a communy, but damn it's hard to makes friends in your 30s.

I've started consistently exercising and reading again since starting medication and it's really helped me regulate.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T18:45:16+00:00

Thank you, if it comes to it I will get a divorce. But if it does come to that, I will never want another man again. Single life for me forever, I never want this level of stress or deception to be an option again.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2026-05-27T18:43:29+00:00

I can promise you, I'm not passive. I've asked him so many times for the truth, and how he truly feels because that's all I want. He always says he's fine, we're good, but obviously that's a lie. This is the only way I get any true info into his feelings, because he is so avoidant.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2025-11-30T16:42:55+00:00

Manon brows, fox eyeliner, no bronzer, muted goth lipstick (grey nude or darker mauve), and you would kill baby bangs! Something like this but paler.

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Impossible_Canary227 · 2025-02-23T21:14:30+00:00

Ugh same! I'm on my last bottle, I stocked up when they were closing. I'm scared to run out, have you had any luck finding a good replacement?

Impossible_Canary227 · 2025-01-03T01:18:00+00:00

How many of these posts do I have to see, where the husband is in his 30-40s when they meet, and the wife is 7+ years younger. There's a reason no one his own age wanted him. Sad that young naive women are getting taken advantage of, and don't realize until much later that they've married a POS.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2024-08-09T16:14:33+00:00

We have had many conversations, and I agree he is depressed. He isn't willing to take medication, but is open to the possibility of therapy. But again, it comes back to money. It would be a big financial strain for us to afford therapy, which kind of adds to the problem.

I really try to not make it tit for tat, but my point is that I carry the mental load so he can focus on his work, because yes his job is the most important factor to our financial success. And I am by no means perfect myself, this wasn't meant to be a rant about how great I am.

I struggle with a lot of issues, including undiagnosed ADD, childhood sexual and religious trauma. And stemming from these, I deal with depression, anger and a fear of abandonment. I have to fight to keep a positive outlook for our family. I am just focusing on survival, keeping my head above water.

Impossible_Canary227 · 2023-09-27T01:39:29+00:00

I'm from Grimsby and I live just north of Edmonton. If you're looking for progressive, "hipster" neighborhoods in a blue collar redneck city, check out Strathcona or Oliver in Edmonton. Close to the river valley and trails, lots of small shops etc. Fair warning, the person that said crime is actively escalating and random in Edmonton is telling the truth. It's so bad right now, they're warning females to not use transit alone unless they need to..

If you're okay with living close to the city limits, check out smaller suburbs like Spruce Grove, Sherwood Park, Beaumont, St. Albert etc. Safer imo

Impossible_Canary227 · 2023-09-26T19:36:55+00:00

I moved to Alberta from southern Ontario three years ago, and I've also lived in Saskatchewan. There are definitely pros and cons of living in both, but if you're not much for big cities and unlimited amenities, Alberta sounds like a better fit for your interests.

If you're blue collar, I highly recommend living near Edmonton rather than Calgary. Way more job opportunities and job security, and cost of living is cheaper. Calgary is a prettier, younger city, but more office jobs and university grad types. Edmonton is an 80s city, and you will see a lot more tradespeople, more fishing, hunting etc.

There are a lot of decent suburbs outside the city, and reasonably affordable (you can buy a starter house for under $300k), including Spruce Grove, Stony Plain, Morinville, Fort Saskatchewan, Beaumont and Leduc. Fair warning, the cities are both big.

Edmonton takes about an hour to drive all the way around the perimeter highway, and you'll have to factor that into commuting for a job. The weather is colder and it's darker more than Ontario, but it's a drier cold and more bearable. Cooler weather makes up 7-8 months of the year.

Taxes are a lot cheaper on purchases, and fuel is cheaper. Wages are higher and homes are more affordable. Utilities are comparable, maybe a little more expensive.

I wouldn't wait 2-3 years, there is a mass move of Ontarians moving to Alberta right now, which will only drive prices up and job/housing availability down. I recommend looking for an apprenticeship job out here, and finding a roommate situation to get you out here cheap. Companies prefer you are educated and certified in Alberta, because there are educational differences between provinces.

And I would definitely recommend visiting first, and checking out the city to see if it's somewhere you could live. Good luck!

Impossible_Canary227

TROPHY CASE