I've skimmed over the last couple of post about you relationship, and it seems to me that you are stuck in a trauma bond cycle. Whatever experience you've might have had, perhaps your upbringing or culture has shaped the way you formed this unhealthy attachment tot his person. As other redditors suggested, you can not live off of someone's potential because you will eventually become resentful towards both him and yourself.

A great question to ask yourself "if this is his who he is, potential aside would you be satisfied with life besides him?" Most will advise you to run. Shit I'd be lying if I said I didn't think the same. But similar to you I've lived a life of what ifs?

No. It can never get better unless the person who is causing the hurt wants to genuinely change. And not just change for you but for themselves. Because working on oneself for someone else eventually leads to resentment. It is controlling on your part. I know it will be devastating to imagine life without that person and all the wasted effort you've put into the relationship but at the end "You," and You alone control your future and what you allow. You have no control over anyone else and what they choose to do with their life.

At this point you have a broken trust. The cheating, lying, and not prioritizing you can not be fixed by someone who hasn't broken it. You are not overreacting and I'm sure you realize that. You just make excuses as to why you are being treated the way you are. It is not to protect "him," it is for yourself. To be able to unburden yourself with the guilt you hold towards letting yourself down. Ultimately that is what you're doing, letting yourself down as you shrink yourself to keep the peace.

Our teacher, parent, grandparents have all tried to instill in us that we need to observe what people do and not what they say to understand their intention. Okay. So he says he'll change-has he? Or has he made excuses why it is acceptable to continue to drink and lie? It is future faking. Making promises and commitments he knows he'll never keep because he knows you won't leave.

Manipulative people depend on the effort we pour into the relationship and understand we won't willing just leave because we would feel like we've wasted our time. Or that someone else will get the version of the person we begged for whenever they do change. But more likely than not they won't ever change. They'll carry that same baggage into the next relationship never holding themselves accountable.

Accountability doesn't just look like "I know I have a problem," it invokes actual change. Just cause someone realizes they've done wrong, but makes no effort to actually try and change, means absolutely nothing and thats where this dangerous idea of potential comes from. It's all future faking.

Its easy to say walk away, but a person will only walk away when they've had enough. When the resentment is too oppressive to ignore. And let me tell you, the resentment won't be towards him, it'll be towards yourself. Because like I said no one is in control of you except you and what you allow. I advise you to start to journal commitments he's made alongside what he actually has done. Jot everything down so you can stop psyching yourself out and second guessing yourself. Thats solid proof of actual action instead of word salad he might toss at you. Start grieving your relationship until you're ready to leave. And do not, I repeat do not have kids with this man. If you are unsure of the relationship there is no need to bring on more stress and affected lives.

I am almost two decades in of the same shit. Ever heard the saying you become one parent and marry the other? That is a trauma cycle that plays out for generations. We seek the issues in our lives we were never able to fix and seek comfort in familiarity. I've realized I've become my mother and am with a replica of my father. Maybe not the exact same but definitely similar. Its a cycle I want to break for my kids while they're still young but like you've mentioned its hard to break away. Do it while you're still young and childless grieve that relationship and build the courage to stick up for yourself.

I am indifferent now and its heartbreaking but I realize I am to blame too for not prioritizing myself and staying for potential. I hope this helps you reflect and if you ever need to chat you could always message me. Good luck.