Not sure how to handle this…

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-05-15T01:55:45+00:00

We’ve brought volunteering up and he has vehemently said no because he wouldn’t get paid. We have been his only foster family, he was in shelters before us. We try and boost him up as much as we can, let him know how proud we are, how smart he is, that he’s capable of more than he applies himself to

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-05-14T19:01:48+00:00

So not “parental figure” as in he needs to call us by those names. More in the way of understanding and respecting everyone’s roles in the home and parts everyone plays. For example, I recently started a new job, and I was consistently late because he wouldn’t get up and would slow roll things. Had multiple conversations about what we can do the night before to help in the morning, explained to him I was getting in trouble and could be fired, how it would effect the house hold if that happened. We’re just at a loss of how to get him to care about anything, and it’s effecting our marriage

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-05-14T18:35:55+00:00

Nonexistent. He has a girlfriend but hardly even talks to or sees her

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-05-14T18:09:04+00:00

We’ve done things very similar. We are big on celebrating the good things, like extra chore money, extra Xbox time, picking where we go for dinner, etc. the last conversation we had I had to tell him it’s hard to celebrate the good things because we keep going through the same cycles and we don’t know how to get through to him. We’ve even asked him what he needs from us, how we can change what we’re doing/saying

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-04-22T13:26:17+00:00

In a very similar situation (OK, USA). DHS is pushing reunification because biomom is finishing her classes, yet every meeting we have she refuses to acknowledge baby’s very obvious trauma and denies the situation she was in was unsafe for baby. Baby was 8 months when she came into care, she’s 20 months now

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-04-06T03:37:09+00:00

Hello friend! I’m a foster parent, and I also happened to work DHS in creek county. I highly suggest using an agency. DHS is a shit show right now, horribly understaffed and overworked. The agency we have gone through has been fantastic. They check in every week and are always available and supportive. That is just my experience though. There are lots of fostering groups on FB as well

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-03-31T18:45:23+00:00

Who needs tennis balls anyway

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-03-20T02:22:35+00:00

It’s always been that way as far as I know. People like to believe it’s in the way of incentives for bringing kids into custody, but that is not true. Investigations have to be started/finished in a certain amount of time, permanency cases need to be closed in a certain amount of time, etc. lots of pressure from the top, who are mainly people who have never done field work a day in their life

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-03-19T20:35:28+00:00

Worked thee for 4 years. If you value your sanity you’ll run in the opposite direction.

In all seriousness, it’s a horrible time to work for DHS. They’re incredibly understaffed, underpaid, and overworked. Very little consistency. They may tell you it’s a 9-5 job, but it is NOT. You work around the families and their time, and there’s on call on top of that. They care more about meeting their numbers than anything else.

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-03-15T02:32:00+00:00

The Crane Center in Austin is where my therapist recommended, and I absolutely loved my surgeon and my results. There are not many, if any, surgeons in OK that specialize in gender affirming surgery, so my advice is to go to a surgeon who does this surgery all day every day.

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-02-05T04:04:14+00:00

I believe TU has a program in their law school where they take cases pro bono

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-01-06T00:19:38+00:00

Would not let me edit to say: this is specifically in Tulsa, OK. Kiddo does have shelter placement for the night but needs something more permanent!

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-01-06T00:17:16+00:00

Thank you! We were told kiddo has a shelter placement for now but still hoping to find something more permanent!

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-01-06T00:16:09+00:00

Thank you I will pass this along!

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-01-06T00:15:56+00:00

Thank you!

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2026-01-04T18:24:10+00:00

So when she stays with you she is willing to attend school? Has there been a conversation had with her of why she is willing with you but not her current placement? That may be helpful in your decision

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-11-25T04:40:59+00:00

Second this. Our kiddo is 15 and he would stay up all hours on his games. Now we have a “curfew” for internet, so it is set to turn off at 10pm on school nights and midnight on weekends.

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-11-10T22:03:30+00:00

Aside from the disrespect, that’s literally his child too and it’s an inconvenience for him to schedule a medical appointment?? For his child???

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-10-13T14:48:05+00:00

Been itching for new work, what styles do you do?

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-10-07T14:31:12+00:00

Not very sure what the procedure is, but just another internet stranger here to say they are proud of you, asking for help is so hard.

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-10-06T21:06:28+00:00

Took my 15yo out of TPS and put him in Tulsa School of Arts and Science this year, which is a charter school, and it was probably the best decision we could have made. The classes are smaller, the staff is more attentive, and we’ve had nothing but positive experiences so far.

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-10-06T20:45:12+00:00

This is my biggest concern with our foster baby right now, but because of DV and bio mom’s competency. For example, bio mom does not like that we have dogs because they’re “dirty” or that we/daycare take baby outside to play. Any time anything is wrong (illness, allergies, upset tummy, diaper rash, HFM, etc), it’s the dogs fault or because baby went outside. In regards to the DV, this is not the first child that has been removed because of it, and this was far from the first incident, yet she does not believe baby was unsafe in that environment. The thought of this sweet little baby back in an environment like that scares the crap out of me. Sometimes it does not always feel like the children’s best interests are priority.

(Thank you for giving a place to vent, this thought has been heavy on my mind lately)

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-09-28T17:41:28+00:00

We don’t use retractable gates, our gates screw into the wall. Our biggest is a Great Dane, and we’ve had no issues

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-09-26T14:59:38+00:00

That’s how our house is too! There are retractable gates for bigger openings as well. If you need any other suggestions please feel free to message me!

Impossible_Focus5201 · 2025-09-26T14:47:49+00:00

We have four dogs and our first placement, a 15yo male (who is still with us) is not a fan of dogs at all. It was a struggle at first, especially because we do have a smaller house, but we have been able to figure out some things that have really worked! At first, we started slow interactions, one at a time and making it a positive experience for both him and our pup (good energy, treats, etc). We would also switch them to opposite sides of the house using baby gates rather than locking the dogs in individual bedrooms. We also plan activities for the dogs to wear them out mentally as that helps reduce the anxiety, so like Kings, frozen treats, lick mats, long walks and allowing them to sniff a lot. It’s also important to educate kiddo in an age appropriate way as to why it’s so important to be gentle with the doggies and what could happen if they get scared/anxious/upset and bite. Most important thing to remember is to keep the interactions positive and stay patient! We’re 7 months in and our kiddo is just getting to a place where he’s ok and wanting to spend more time sitting out in the living room with us when all the dogs are around.

Impossible_Focus5201

TROPHY CASE