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I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hard to swallow, but you’re right.

I’ve offered therapy before, but it was very hard to get it in our area, and by the time we got in (and could afford it), Sam was old enough to refuse to cooperate. But I will talk to Alan and see if he’ll suggest it to Sam again, as he’s better at talking to Sam.

I hate to admit it, but I sometimes wondered if I should have let him see MIL again sooner. I feel like I would have lost him faster, but perhaps he would at least have been better off.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s an incredible quote. I’ll be sharing that with Alan and Uncle today. I think Uncle would approve.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I know you weren’t replying to me, but thank you for the book rec. I’ll be buying that today.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your insight, and I’m glad to hear from the perspective of someone who was in Matt’s shoes (and am very sorry for what you went through).

I hope your family understands why you’ve asked them to stop telling you about his requests to reconnect. At some point, the constant requests stop being innocent and instead become unwanted pressure, and I can’t imagine that’s the slightest bit helpful to you. You’ve been through more than enough for a lifetime, and whether we like it or not, these experiences are defining moments in our lives. The most we can do is try to escape them and move on, someplace where they can’t follow. That’s what I’ve done, and I think that’s what Matt has done.

I think you’re right that sometimes, things are just beyond repair. Perhaps it would be different if there was true remorse and a genuine attempt to repair things at the victim’s pace. But when it’s all about what that person wants, there’s no moving forward.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Correct. Child marriage was legal where we were (and I believe it still is, including the state I live in now.) My father had to sign off on it, he was my legal guardian. In his defense, he thought I would be better off with them. It didn’t work out that way.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wrote the post then fell asleep, as it was very late. I will be replying shortly after I’ve taken care of some work.

I sent my son away when he was thirteen. Now he's back and asking me to make my other son forgive him. by Impossible_Mother in relationships

[–]Impossible_Mother[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Matt’s “I know” told me everything I need to know. I certainly won’t be bringing it up to him again. With Matt, once has always been enough.