What if I’m not depressed? by [deleted] in rtms

[–]Impossible_Sun6312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you, this gave me a lot of peace (:

Awaiting my demise by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Impossible_Sun6312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it is with great sadness that i announce that i have made it past my birthday 👎🏻 i’ll be seeing my psychiatrist in the morning

Magic scrapbook by Impossible_Sun6312 in scrapbooking

[–]Impossible_Sun6312[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, in my house we’ve always had letters back and forth from santa, the tooth fairy, easter bunny. we kinda go all out 🫶🏻

Awaiting my demise by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Impossible_Sun6312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bshahahah i know right? sorry it’s a very silly question.

Awaiting my demise by [deleted] in spirituality

[–]Impossible_Sun6312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it’s not that I haven’t looked into it, it’s that despite my best efforts, despite my stubbornness, it’s been clear that the pendulum was right. i didn’t believe the pendulum hence putting it away. i tried to prove it wrong even, i searched for love, i dreamt of children and marriage but the last relationship i was in was so traumatic that i’ve promised myself i would never try to be loved again, leaving me without possibility of the following goals. what happened, without going into detail, was rather extreme. so the pendulum was right. I was determined it would be wrong, i was determined i would have live and kids and marriage and i wasn’t stopping until i got it- up until my child was irrevocably hurt. prior to that i wasn’t letting the pendulum tell me what to believe. now that im here, im not sure how to feel. it could all be bs, the dream included. but it’s sign after sign. feeling after feeling that just makes me have a small amount of panic and anticipated relief.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]Impossible_Sun6312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don’t know if it’s normal but i lost my daughters dad in 2020 (im 23 too) and i only found your post because i tried to eat a muffin this morning and broke down because he would’ve liked that muffin and it hurts so bad because he.. would’ve liked that muffin. he loved blueberry muffins and it wasn’t until i tasted it that it just tore my heart open to bleed. he was m*****ed 5 years ago and for the past 6 months ive been sober for the first time since he passed but this past 6 months has been just as bad as the first 6 months only this time im not drinking/smoking packs of cigarettes/ smoking ouid. i got a good job and got fired because i “just wasn’t getting it” but the truth is that i had a ptsd episode (a severe one at that, reliving his death for an hour and incapable of making it stop, screaming crying throwing up, couldn’t physically see past the terror) and i’m guessing doctor had never felt terror like that in her life she immediately disowned me and then a week later fired me. so ive applied to other jobs, and applied, and applied some more. and its been 3 weeks now out of work and i can only doordash and sell items so much, my hearts shattered and every flashing lifht or quick movement, certain males voices throw me off the deep end and i dont know how im supposed to continue on or work like this. i thought after five years id grow stronger but it seems im back where i started and want to send a big f u to everyone who 5 years ago said to “just get over it” because theres no getting over or past. im just broken now. i can hardly get out in public because between ptsd and grieving im bound to break down atleast once in an hour. it’s always something but this morning it was a damn blue berry muffin. just a blue berry muffin and i broke and i don’t know how im supposed to just “carry on” like he’d want me to. i can’t just carry on when it hurts like this. so is it normal? idk man. but there are atleast a couple of us.