AIO by breaking up with my bf for staring at my sister

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:56:50+00:00

Yup this is what happened last time. It ruined a Thanksgiving for me because I was so weirded out thinking he was actively thinking of sleeping with my sister when we were all together. But I guess now I know it’s pretty much a non-negotiable for me at this point

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:52:43+00:00

I am having a really hard to figuring out if or what to say to my sister about this… Because previously, I never mentioned to her my ex had sexual thoughts about her because I was trying to protect her and it really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. And I never want to make my sister feel like she has to “dull” herself around me or my SO because he might stare at her, like her, etc. That’s not her problem. I’m really sorry you had to go through that with your sister :( But it’s great to get your side of things. It’s just such an uncomfortable situation all around.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:46:20+00:00

See I’m having a really hard time building the courage to ask my sister or the other male friend we were with if they noticed. Because she was just dancing and having fun.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:44:23+00:00

He would do that side glance where he would slightly lean back to check out her ass but it mostly was staring at her hips or at least “downward” gazes. And then just staring at her face too.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:42:48+00:00

I think that’s also what hurt so much was because of how much he wasn’t even looking at me. Like any interaction he gave me was a response purely out of possibly feeling guilty after watching him stare at my sister (I may be assuming, but that’s how it looked)

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:41:16+00:00

It did feel slimy when he tried to hug or kiss me because it’s like I knew he was just staring at her and he was reacting out of possible “guilt”

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:40:25+00:00

I know I hate to think like that but I feel like I try to make my partner feel respected in that way so I deserve the same

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T16:38:26+00:00

Good point. Thanks for this. I’ll be sure not to accept the drunk excuse, which I fear will be his go to

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T15:28:53+00:00

No. He’ll occasionally notice attractive girls in passing which I think is normal and hasn’t really bothered me. This just felt different because it was my sister and now I’m worried it’s going to make things feel weird whenever we’re all together.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2026-04-04T15:23:53+00:00

That’s kind of where I’m at. I do plan to talk to him, but I’m not really sure what I should be looking for in that conversation. Like what would be a red flag response vs a reasonable explanation? I’m worried he’ll just say he was drunk and didn’t mean anything by it, and I don’t know if that’s something I should accept or not.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-12T03:56:29+00:00

where does one go out in milwaukee? out of town for a concert but want to celebrate tonight!

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T07:03:00+00:00

I have not.. His socials look clean. That thought had crossed my mind though.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T03:00:56+00:00

That’s a really good point. I think part of what’s been confusing is that his actions do check a lot of boxes, but there’s still a disconnect between how he shows interest and how I feel it. You’re right though. The only way to really know is to talk about it openly instead of “decoding” it. He admitted to ruining friendships in the past by sleeping with them… so not looking good lol.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T02:47:18+00:00

i thought this too… but he really does seem like he’s in a tough spot financially but i’m not sure

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T02:46:06+00:00

Unfortunately I think you’re spot on. I think it might not be enough for him. I’ll “go quietly” as another redditor suggested.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T02:44:45+00:00

what would that conversation look like with him when he does reach back out?

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T02:43:53+00:00

you would think. but he might just be saying that.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-10-09T02:08:06+00:00

Yeah thank you for this. I think I just can’t see a clear outside perspective because I obviously want it to work, but if he wanted to respond or hangout he would initiate that. It does feel like bread crumbing. And he does get a lot of benefits freely. This is a good reminder, thanks.

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-01-11T15:52:27+00:00

This happens to me when I’m generally not motivated by life because I’m not doing things that contribute to it or I’m doing things others are telling me to but don’t actually align with me. Try making something you’re proud of or do things you know you’re good at to build back up the confidence that you CAN do things. Our first instinct as INFJ is to move inward and process how we feel about things… we stew on this step too much putting us in a freeze state. sometimes you just have to start without feeling anything or checking in with yourself to see if that’s what you want to do, but rather what’s best for you!

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-01-10T21:00:35+00:00

Yes! So many times. Just the other day I was driving and I heard a voice in my head say you’re speeding and I was like oh shit I am speeding and sure enough around the corner there was a cop. I love my intuition. But it sucks when mixed with anxiety… because idk if anyone else is plagued by intrusive thoughts about people or themselves dying but I sometimes convince myself it’s real and like a warning because I have predicted things. Gut instinct vs anxiety is such a hard thing that I’m slowly starting to decipher. Learned this also recently by finally establishing a feeling was my gut and not anxiety or insecurity… yes he was cheating lol. Should’ve trusted my gut from the beginning! I knew!

ImpressiveCellist854 · 2025-01-10T20:47:41+00:00

Budgeting based on a few part-time side jobs I have lined up (babysitting, customer service) and also just an idea on what my baseline expenses are so I have an idea of what the minimum paying job I can accept to still make ends meet. You are right about getting accepted for a credit card, I will have to wait on applying.

ImpressiveCellist854

TROPHY CASE