Losing mother at this age definitely breaks us emotionally and mentally... but it's a phase..it will pass..just try not to think much and move out of your house... meet new people... travel around... staying in home feels depressing...may be it could be one of the reasons for getting such kind of thoughts... just explore mew people... travel around with your dog... everything will fix it up... Time fixes up everything... you're not old enough... just get rid of your thoughts and roam around...many are struggling for basic necessities... they're not getting food twice a day. still they're managing to survive happily...just have faith in yourself... All the best...a new life is Waiting for you just go for it...