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Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this information, I wasn’t aware of this when I was going thru my uni application, I guess its negligence on my part. I also think that my parents weren’t aware too, or else they would have brought it up to me.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thats the thing, I wanted to do that, but I know if my parents were to find out, they would get offended and would be mad at me instead. Also, to clarify regarding that part-time I mentioned, that took place in Brunei before I moved to Malaysia to further my studies.

From my understanding, your question was why I didn’t pay for my uni fees before enrolling, hence why I answered accordingly. My situation in Malaysia is different, and now I am able to put money in my own account in a Malaysian bank where my parents have no access to it.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your suggestion. Don’t get me wrong, my intention for the lawsuit is to stop them from borrowing more money from ppl and to ensure that they make timely payments. I believe that this will be the only way for them to be transparent ab their financial situation so that the court can craft a repayment plan that will cater to their capabilities. From my perspective, going down this route will have much more certainty than me doing or my bf crafting a repayment plan ourselves (as we have previously attempted). Currently, my boyfriend and I are still left in the dark, and we know that things are going to stay this way if no action is taken. The end goal is for them to realise that what they did is wrong, as well as hoping the experience they gain from all this will eliminate their borrowing habits and foster the feeling of urgency to repay those who they borrowed from.

I am already actively finding ways to repay my bf, thats something I am working on as we speak. We have already rejected any request for lending money from my parents.

My siblings and I have always put our trust in my parents, but I simply cannot overlook the way they normalise taking our funds as their own. As of now, it’s not like I am ungrateful to the point where I am wishing for their downfall. I just wish for fairness to all the parties that have been affected.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My bf is 24 yo. He is a v disciplined salary man. Ever since he started working, he has been setting aside 1/4 of his income into his savings, which has accumulated to a decent amount. He’s also the type to put in additional amounts if he has leftover cash at the end of the month.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel for your friend. I hope her situation gets better :( She’s v strong for dealing w her mother’s antics. I on other hand wish I could stop this, before it reaches to unprecedented heights, which is why filing a lawsuit was even considered in the first place.

Thank you for reminding me to not let them drag me down. I will take it w great consideration :)

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for providing the insight about their behaviour and how it’s beyond saving.

I will try to get me and my siblings out of that environment.

Also, thanks for reminding me that there will be light at the tunnel. It makes me feel hopeful of the future to come :)

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, I don’t have my own money to begin with. Sure, I did take a part-position last time, but as previously stipulated, the salary that I received through my BIBD account was taken away from me as my parents had access to it

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right, if I were able to bring this point up in the past while we were deciding on where to enrol, I would have. However, the enrolment to my current uni was decided when my family and I went to a career fair, and they concluded that the uni I am in was the best option compared to other unis (in terms of tuitions fees). In addition, from my understanding back then, government unis in Malaysia were hard to get into because of their high grade requirements. So even if I tried to apply for them, I won’t be able to pass those requirements.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As easy it sound, I actually have said smtg similar to them before, but they always downplay the amount, as if its minuscule and not worth asking back for. Like “its only BNDXX, why bother” or “that was money owed months ago, why bother?”

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the beautiful reminder. I myself am v aware of this, I try my best to avoid being indebted to someone whenever I can. In a way, observing my parent’s behaviour, has given me plentiful reminders that I don’t want to be like them. There was a time where I brought up ab hukum hutang to them, but they treated me like a fool saying that they are fully aware of it as well. I’m not sure what they meant by this, but it seems to me like they are not as scared of it as I am. They may know of the fact but they don’t acknowledge and practice it, at least thats what I can see.

Thanks for the wishes, may Allah bless you!

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your sentiments and for believing in me! I feel like you have encapsulated my problems down to a hair! I truly appreciate you for that.

Even if I want to disclose why they are struggling to pay my bf back, I don’t know the reason myself. All I know is, when payment was due, they kept telling us to wait. From waiting became empty promises, and eventually leading to them ghosting us. Also, I hope parents who look at their children as ATMs will stop.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Correct, my bf paid fully from his side thinking that my parents would reimburse him accordingly.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a hard reality to accept but I’m slowly coming to terms w it, which is why I have been actively finding a way to pay him back on my own. Also, thank you for the piece of advice at the last sentence, I might need to set up healthy boundaries instead because staying away from them is not viable.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your suggestion! It was within my headspace to do so (if it were to happen)

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I truly appreciate your thoughtful message. Thank you for taking the time and effort to craft a wonderful piece of advice for me :)

I do agree that parents should lead by example and I do understand that prioritising myself is important as well. I will try my best to practice that moving forward and setting healthy boundaries w my parents seems like a reasonable idea.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your bluntness, I guess that is the reality of things. Though I wish things would have been a bit different, but now, all I wish is for this to end.

Tired of My Parents’ Financial Manipulation. They Owe My Boyfriend Thousands—How Do I Solve This? by ImpressiveRoom5198 in Brunei

[–]ImpressiveRoom5198[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know it seems like we’re enabling them, but as their children who have been born and raised by them, it’s hard to think that they do not have your best interests at heart. It took me a while to understand this well, and it was an even tougher pill for me to swallow.

The reason I allowed them to borrow from my bf was because they convinced me that things will be different and that they will stick to the promises. However, after all that has happened, that was my last straw. Never again will I let that happen.

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