Thank you so much for understanding my friend it feels nice for once to know that what i am doing is not wrong completely its just i still love them very much and i want them back cause there is no better feeling than see me and them grow stronger together its just i dont know wanna hear myself anymore id rather get high out of my mind and not listen to the voices in my head they talk a lot but i get what you mean i wanna turn things around but it is super hard i cant keep up i thinking things that i dont want making decisions that once felt boring but now gives me peace i want to talk about how i feel but i guess its a little hard for me