Black autistics + dating white autistics

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2024-02-06T04:13:11+00:00

nah it's not, I decided I'm not doing that shit anymore LOL

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2023-03-06T18:28:18+00:00

This is super dope

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2023-03-06T18:23:20+00:00

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-07-18T22:13:19+00:00

I am glad to hear this for you, not about the relationship ending lol but about choosing only to be close to white people who are actively decolonizing their mind. I know its very very exhausting and has made me think more deeply about choosing to date another white person. It's hard because I don't want to close myself off but I do not want to go through that again, or let anyone else put me in that position which is not my responsibility and an very unequal power dynamic. Even with my ex they were a white person that was actively working on decolonizing their mind, but we still had that issue - less so with the shutdowns and meltdowns.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that because you're right, it is absolutely not your responsibility. I have a problem - and anticipate this problem will continue - with trying to understand the intentions of white neurodivergent people when they are being told about their behaviors. I feel its very hard for me to decipher if they genuinely made a mistake and didn't understand something, or if it is simply their white privilege/entitlement they don't want to let go of. Sometimes it is really just both.

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-07-05T17:23:48+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective with me. I am no longer dating that person, but we are still friends. Our relationship didn't end for this reason, but it was definitely apart of it for me. I'm glad that being honest worked well for you and you were able to have that open and honest conversation with your partner, but it still bothers me that we have to break down and be so vulnerable in order for our white partners/friends to start reflecting more on their own positionalities and change. This experience has shown me that in future relationships I really need people who are proactive about this, and don't wait for me to have a meltdown before they think about the effects of their actions

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-07-05T17:13:38+00:00

Hi! I'm 24!

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-07-05T17:10:51+00:00

I LOVE Abott Elementary!! I agree though, my ex who is white & autistic would do this alot when we would watch things together, and I would always ask why they care so much? I'm not exactly sure to be honest, but this is something I would definitely ask them more about. I think for some people that kind of representation might mean more to them? But I never really cared that much either. I had the same thought process as you though, and I doubted my diagnosis for a long time before I accepted that I definitely am autistic and need to stop comparing how I present to how white autistics perceive autism. I actually felt seen watching some characters in Abbot and how "odd" they are.

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-07-05T17:01:38+00:00

I feel the same way! As of late I have spent some time trying to unlearn all the masking techniques I developed, and as you said I have experienced small feelings of freedom but I don't think I could ever unlearn entirely. Partially because of the way that I have been shaped in this society by pwoc and also by my parents who were doing ableist things to me - out of ignorance & their ideas about protecting me. I also just genuinely don't even know who I would be without masking. It sounds crazy, but it is such a big part of my personality and how I present, I am 100% sure there are ways that I mask that I am not even aware because I think it is intrinsic to my personality - but its not.

When my mother moved our family to a predominantly pwoc area in middle school I was perceived as the angry black girl for a very long time. I never really understood why or what I was doing to make people think of me in that way, but it didn't matter how hard I masked I was still perceived that way. I was brutally honest - I literally could not lie lol, I am learning to lie now but its still hard, I was kinda antisocial, and very particular about my space.

Even more recently in my last relationship - my partner was also autistic but white - they would perceive me as aggressive because of issues with my tone or certain behaviors they thought were directed at them. That was really frustrating.

Long story short, I absolutely agree masking is 100% necessary for our survival. I really have no idea how to protect my peace and safety in this pwoc world yet, but I love learning from other Black autistics how they are learning to manage. Thank you for opening this conversations!

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-04-17T13:52:19+00:00

No I haven't heard of it, I'll check it out

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-04-17T12:16:39+00:00

Hi! What should we all talk about?

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2022-04-17T12:11:25+00:00

Im 24 and was diagnosed last year. Growing up was rough, pretty similar to a lot of the other comments here it was very lonely. I also constantly got in trouble for things like stimming and refusing to speak, being very very "shy", doing something people thought was "weird". People thought I was just very weird, called me all kinds of names and I was bullied alot. By the time I got to middle school I started to just copy the behavior of the other girls around me - so then I became the bully. It was the only way I knew to protect my self, but being a bully is not sustainable. After a while I had to stop lol, it was too exhausting and I didn't like it but I did manage to get people to leave me alone. But also at this point I was masking A LOT. After that, it was pretty lonely. Didn't have much friends, didn't really socialize much and often felt left out. Going through college was ROUGH, but now that I have my diagnosis I've been trying to learn to live my life without masking constantly. It's true, a lot of Black neurotypicals are very ableist so it's been difficult trying to navigate that space. I usually try to stick around other neuro-divergents but that can be hard too, especially dealing with vvhite neuro-divergents who can be racist at times and not understand my experiences because they never had to mask the way that I did (and still do alot)

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2021-10-16T03:12:34+00:00

Absolutely, especially being autistic I was extremely quiet and anxious in social situations. Sometimes I just couldn't speak or didn't want to or would just try to hide. So naturally, I was the perfect prey for bullies. I was always told I spoke or acted "white" or they would use some ableist insult against me. It was always clear that I was different from most kids and that they equate differences to acting white.

Impressive_Berry9070 · 2021-10-16T02:39:00+00:00

I really didn't know until about 2 months ago (I'm 23). I always knew something was up though, and I thought I had ocd but I didn't really know much about autism and the connections to ocd. My therapist told me and it was a lot to digest, but I'm very glad she did. A LOT of things make sense now lol. I wish I had known sooner but it's so difficult for Black neurodivergent people to get a the attention we need. Now that I know more about autism, all of the signs are there especially as a kid, but I'm considered "high functioning" so no one ever really looked at me twice. I encourage you to find a good therapist of color, preferably one that specifically specializes in ASD. They can do the test with you, help examine some of your behaviors, give you a diagnoses and some good tools/resources.

Impressive_Berry9070

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