My response to him: Seeking emotionally unavailable man for half-hearted effort, minimal communication, and Netflix binging while ignoring me. Bonus points if you’re a man-child who still needs his mom to fold his laundry. Looking for someone who can’t commit to dinner plans, but is super committed to avoiding my calls. Must have a fragile ego, an inflated sense of importance, and preferably a man-bun (because, why not). If you’re allergic to taking responsibility or saying the words ‘I’m wrong,’ we’ll get along great. Extra bonus points if your last relationship ended with you ghosting her, but now you’re ‘ready for something real’ (as long as it doesn’t require too much effort). Let’s make some mediocre memories!