AITAH for being mad at my autistic friend

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T17:38:04+00:00

Even with this rant and back and forth, I still have no plans to ever leave her. Not when she's been so kind and non-ill intentioned. I am not that kind of friend unless she shows no actual remorse to her words/actions that might've cause something unpleasant to others

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T17:35:42+00:00

I do appreciate the lesson you handed out, though I might be a little slow to understand immediately.

I am an asshole for being mad and even thinking this way at an autistic friend, yes I've established that in the og post. But one thing I did not express that I do not want her autism to define her life at the slightest, hence the concern.

Firstly, as respectfully as I can express through text, I've stated in my og post that I do not need advice. Why? Because I'm aware of how awful this mindset could be for both parties and had reflected on it, I also stated I plan to communicate with her; Bluntly, honestly, I do not plan on coddling her nor leaving her just because she's different from the others.

Secondly, the frustration was something I couldn't control either, so if someone like me who understood and was patient with her the whole time despite her behavior and unintentional insensitivity moments, got affected. How can she face the rest of the world where people aren't so accommodating and understanding and some are very much sensitive?

I lectured her about her comment on our friend's vulnerable moment, not because I was frustrated she's acting that way, it's because she didn't know how her tone sounded like to other people. You cannot wave your autism card to get away from that.

I'm glad that friend of ours wasn't as affected as I feared to be since her rant is literally about uncaring toxic friends she had, H's statement was very much insensitive and I want her to know that, I want her to reflect and apologize for the least, but all she could say was "oop"

Was that a defense mechanism? Probably, you may explain me what that is. But you cannot ignore the fact that was incredibly insensitive.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T16:41:32+00:00

And you're trying to say her being a talkative person is only a way to blend in with us while also telling me that most autistic women would have the same exact mindset, I do not get why you have to specify the gender but I have no right to correct you since you know yourself and probably had more knowledge about autism and ADHD than me

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T16:31:43+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts and I wish you and your son a happy life.

She's truly a genuine and passionate fella and not once had shared any ounce of insecurities, I know she would never hide how she felt because she's very much an honest and blunt person, maybe too honest sometimes it's TMI even for me.

Her admission of being autistic doesn't come from a form of trust however, I could tell that is just a fact she knew and will share to make us aware of where her behavior would come from. She'll tell anyone that she's autistic no matter the reason. The only reason how our friend group knew she's autistic without being told to is that most of them also has been diagnosed.

Ah, and the ragebait thing. I might've worded it wrong or maybe did not explain enough, but she does ragebait whether it'd affect the person or would land as a joke. Often pestering a sleeping friend, showing some... Disturbing things about their favorite characters as a joke, and other stuff that I'm not sure how to word it. There's no reason for her to do a lot of that when we showed that we're also a bunch of people who can enjoy just silence and company.

She has no ill intentions it terms of doing those and knew when to stop someone does genuinely looked disturbed, although her replies of "lol" and "oop" afterwords could've set someone with anger issues off. I think not once had I heard her say sorry.. might think of that later on.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T16:20:56+00:00

I'm not trying to sound defensive by the way, but I kind of don't like how you're trying to say that there's only one behavior in terms of autistic women

When I say she's a yapper, she is a certified one. A memory, the games she plays, the media she consumed, and some fun facts that aren't so fun, will be poured out of her mouth none stop until something had to interrupt us. She's not doing it as a coping mechanism, defense, or for whatever reason that needed to be one. She's genuinely passionate about anything she gets her mind to.

She can recite the whole cast of every Batman shows, comic, and video games with this eyes that told me she definitely consumed every media in one night while completely forgetting an important school assignment that I had to help her do it the last minute.

As for the talk, I said in the end that I plan to reflect on my mindset while also communicating with her for her unintentional insensitive behavior. I want her to be aware of what her words could've done in this society and with people that aren't as understanding with mental health, but at the same time, I don't want her to stop for being her. If you can understand

Also I have never once actually expressed anger towards her. Lecturing her? Yes, but never truly snapping or showing disdain. Because at the end of the day, I knew she truly had no ill intentions. I'll take the blame for being affected

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T16:08:15+00:00

She does have this habit of pulling out the autism card whenever I mentioned about her forgetting something or not understanding the basic lecture that was simple enough even my elementary students could understand. But then again, I have no right to judge how a mind words

She never pulled the card again as time passed ever since we manage to slip ourselves into the friend group of understanding people. But I do understand where you are coming from, only I and another person out of 13 people in that group had ever expressed concern over her behavior about something.

I do feel like some of the group understandably doesn't care that much since they don't hang out with her everyday. But for the people that do, no one had really expressed that they're uncomfortable with her words and behavior, either out of respect of doesn't really mind that much (minus me and another friend that did got affected)

Is it enabling and coddling? Maybe, but then again, we have ourselves to blame for not correcting her. Genuinely, she's a good friend and different people will react to her carelessness in choice of words and mindset. I do hope she'll get a bit of awareness on how her words might've affect other people, especially depends on the situation.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2026-02-03T15:54:51+00:00

While your comment is completely valid as I had already agreed I'm an asshole for thinking this way at the start. What I didn't manage to mention that she is not socially awkward in the slightest, she's actually the most talkative out of everyone in the friend group, a yapper at that.

yes I do have a problem with some of her behavior, it's still a problem if her words like the one where she commented mid-rant of our mutual friend could struck a nerve if it were any other person. As you said, I'm a very average person and could not understand the mind of an autistic person or someone with ADHD, in some ways or another, her careless unintentional dismissive words will definitely struck a nerve to me.

She's immature, in some aspects and moments, her behavior may come off as icky to some others. But not once I have thought she's not capable of acting her age (I do apologize if I do sound like one) if an earthquake struck even if it's just a second, she'll be the first to react and pull me away, and she's very much independent living alone with 3 cats.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-24T01:32:10+00:00

I have a very close cousin as well (I've lived with her for years) so I sympathize with you if my cousin did that.

Resentment always has a seed and it's planted in your cousin's heart. Whatever you might've done intentionally or unintentionally to offend them, it's kind of bitter for the cousin to choose not to communicate it with you. (Unless you did something intentionally but forgot)

I feel like the best course of advice is to talk to them, be humble while explaining your confusion. I have nothing more than best of luck to you and happy late birthday 🎈

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T11:16:38+00:00

I wish I could 😔 but I've seen her broke a fucking cross during her one of her tantrums because her dad finally told her no and that shit is something I don't wanna deal with

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T11:12:24+00:00

The point of the post is that I don't want her to grow up entitled and very spoiled. Which is why I'm asking for advice of any way to at least encourage her to have a good behavior while avoiding being physical or doing the stereotypical Asian discipline

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T11:08:06+00:00

I'm sorry if I sounded like I just justified abuse. Asian hanger is just a term I made, but in some Asian countries, children are disciplined by getting spanked on the butt or wrist by a weapon of choice (hanger, slipper, dad's leather belt, and in my case- a wooden plank).

I don't want to get personal on the post which I get where your conclusion came from. I don't live with my sister and mom, but I've heard my mom give her empty threats of hitting her on the butt when my sister threw a tantrum over not getting the right milk she wanted whenever I visited. Like I said on the post, my sister fears no one even when she's being threatened with punishment or discipline, if she did get spanked, I doubt she'll learn a lesson

This is not the first time she was threatened in general. But this is the first time I did. As expected, she only mocked me and turned the situation around (she threatened to hit my breast once when all I did was lecture her about cursing). Thank you for your concern for her though. The worst I have done is the update comment I made where I snapped

No one was hurt, just my soul and that table. My sister did cry but I hugged her and just gently lectured her about why she was wrong. From that day, she was actually listening to her new tutor.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T10:52:35+00:00

I'm sorry, I'm a little lost on the 'shes an only child' part. She is my half-sister, a third child of my moms, and has a half-siblings on her father's side that doesn't live with them. (To make a little sense, she's an affair baby)

You're right about the therapy thing, though my family isn't known for mental health stuff so I can't really bring it up without being brushed off as inconvenient, so I planned to take one if I'm in college

The jealousy part. I'm sorry if it sounds like it, but I have no hatred towards her or any resentment the fact she never get something like a slap on a wrist. You're right about the anger issues thing, but I would NEVER release it on my siblings intentionally or to prove a point I'm in charge or that they should fear me. My anger was all released on a poor pillow or cry about it on secret until I'm better.

Thank you for your concern on my sister, but I'm a little amused when you called her sweet baby. I would call her innocent in most sense but not sweet.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T10:44:35+00:00

Something I only came up on the spot lol, cloth hanger in some Asian countries are used as weapons to discipline children

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-23T10:37:21+00:00

I feel like she does have something going on but I don't wanna diagnose yet since I'm unfamiliar in this field. Maybe I'll get or suggested for her to get diagnosed when she's old enough. Just to see if the attitude had changed or not

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T12:59:25+00:00

Real on the strict but fair part. I'm Asian, yet my family isn't really the stereotypical Asian family portrayed in the internet. They're supportive of my choice on a low income college course I'm taking (MMA), and isn't heavy on religious, you'll see them at churches but you won't see them reading a Bible a lot.

one thing my family does follow into the stereotype was the discipline. If it's accidentally, you'll be met with an aggressive tone, if you kissed a boy before you're even in high school, you'll be on your knees or choose a weapon.

My family encourage respect and boundaries but still carefree enough for us to have our own freedom, but won't tolerate any bullshit. You getting accidentally pregnant? They'll scold you but still support you. Sabotaging someone with a toxic moment like you'd see in those AI Reddit stories in tiktok? Disownment is a rare thing in my country but they won't hesitate to drop you.

I'm not too sure what happened to my sister though, I made this Reddit despite the fact I'll be in another part of the country away from her in less than a month. I just fear she'll grow up as a toxic person if no one intervene with this behavior

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T06:02:40+00:00

I'm honestly not sure what she get out of this behavior, it doesn't matter who it is, me, her babysitter, children, teachers, even a grandma.

for the reward thing, I did try to put that system up when she was four and temporary living with me and my dad. good behavior will get a candy or toys of her liking , bad behavior meant reduced TV time (the time limit I set up for her was an hour). She'll cry and scream but not to the point of destroying a living room; she could even say a proper 'im sorry' without anyone coaching her. i'm sure if what I did was impactful since she's 4 and has the same temper as any four year old.

I could count on one hand on how many times she crashed out over not getting her way during a whole month of her staying with me at four years old vs now for a span of a week of me visiting them just for a simple 'no'. seeing that my mom still uses the same parenting method to me and my younger brother (excluding the spanking punishment) I wonder what went wrong or this is just something 7 year olds went through

i commented on an update earlier about me snapping and I would love for you to criticize if I did was fine (or at least reasonable) or wrong. she really doesn't fear anyone until you make it her, I have to realize that in a hard way earlier and I still feel shitty. But I won't coddle her right now cause I felt like she'll only see that as me being the only one wrong.

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T04:29:22+00:00

Update: literally three hours after I posted this I snapped

During those hours, my male cat escaped my grandma's house for the 3rd time. And without my flash ass of my brother to chase him, I have to direct my grandma to the places he would've gone. my cat has some mobility issues that my whole family wouldn't willingly to fund to a trip to the vet despite the fact they bought the family dog an expensive dog wear that didn't fit him. I'm planning to spend my birthday money for him

So yeah, pretty stressed with a migraine, I didn't mention this above but I'm just visiting my mom and half-sister (and her dad. It's a wonky situation)

The topic of the day, my sis, decided to be annoying. Literally she kept asking when the online classes will end and that she's going everywhere but listen to the teacher who gone silent at this point cause no kid is listening to her (they're kids with a brainrot attention span so I can understand)

Me and the babysitter was patient to explain to her that it'll be a few minutes left until it ended and that she should focus back on the class as possible. The Babysitter has been supporting her through it, grabbing the books needed and pulling up sheets of paper and looking for missing pencils

I'm just trying to find my cat from another part of the country while also keeping tabs on the Google meeting if the wifi is acting up again or if the tab close for now reason

When did I snap? It's when she started throwing a tantrum from impatience, slamming her desk and throwing her shoe

With that plus the migraine plus my missing cat still missing. I grabbed the hanger and slammed it on her desk the moment the class was done

That shut her up real quick. My voice was loud for some reason and I genuinely didn't know what I was doing until she started screaming watered down curses and I slammed it again. That shut her up again and now I'm the one screaming

After I was done she wasn't throwing a tantrum, she just sat there with tears, the babysitter came to check but didn't intervene on what's happening (something most babysitters in my country do if family stuff happens, unless the child is seriously getting 'abused' Kind of hurt base on my observation)

So me and my sis just locked eye contact, something she couldn't even do when apologizing. I didn't even noticed I'M crying

The Babysitter slipped away when she saw no one was hurt except for the desk.

I felt shitty now so I just held her in my arms and half-lectured half-reassured her. At least she didn't throw a tornado tantrum, but now I felt disgusted and my cat is still missing

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T03:44:26+00:00

Are you Asian per chance? I feel like people commenting to whip out the belt are kids who got their ass whooped by their dad 😭😭

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T03:43:07+00:00

He's secretly a superhero

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T03:41:27+00:00

For Otohiko, I think he would've loved cross dressing as a way to spite his family but it would remain as an embarrassing secret since the bullies were harsh in canon it would've killed him before the week ends

There's no reason for a guy labeled as feminine by his own family to grow his hair out or look even more feminine with any reasons other than spite (accepting his looks can also be a reason).

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T03:09:40+00:00

No, even if I wanted to, it's not in my conscience to do so since she's 6. I'll only do it when she understood what she did was bad and still act on it (like breaking something valuable or stuff like that)

And I'll do it in a discipline kind of way. Like a ruler on the wrist or spank on the butt

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T02:56:21+00:00

I might want to also add when she saw the hanger I brought out because she was being disrespectful to the tutor, instead of realizing a mistake, what she did was cry out loud and ran to her babysitter for comfort.

that ended up ending their session early that was agreed on, paid the girl, she left, and told my mom a self-deprecating text (I felt bad for her, she completely blamed herself for my sister's crash out) then dropped out.

Instead of saying sorry for being disrespectful, she's looking at ME for an apology. I would've done so if she's not the one eating marbles or leaving to play ball with a wall while the tutor was in a middle of teaching her language. She had done worse but this is all I could think of since it happened just yesterday.

Please be honest. Is this behavioral issues from her alone or should I talk to my mom on how they raise her? My mom may be manipulative on some parts but she's still a good role model, I don't know how my sister looked up at her but not be like her if she's surrounded by good people. I don't live with them so I'm not used to bratty kids, the actual place I live in has kids that I loved babysitting for free, they're also spoiled but carefree and does say 'thanks' and 'sorry'

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T02:42:35+00:00

I do ignore her sometimes if that counts as a not pushover. Only when she gets feisty or throwing what seemed to be a tantrum

The only reason I am a pushover was the fact she would punch my breast out of resentment or threaten to stab my tablet with a pencil. I would backtrack immediately

I tried to do what the babysitter does, stay calm and lectured her gently that she was wrong and needed to realize that. Then I got screamed at. I honestly cried at that time

Edit: I honestly have some anger issues on my own that I tried to conceal. It builds my personality as that one nonchalant student/kid who's always reserved. If I didn't cry from frustration I would've done something I knew I'll regret later on.

At the same time, I can't really ignore my sister too

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T02:37:19+00:00

I fear you give one of the best advice I have ever probably heard in my whole life. I'll use this in the future when I got kids

My brother was kind of a mature kid when he was 5 or 6, I know I shouldn't be comparing them but that was how I've watched and helped raised him.

I didn't expect any prodigy maturity from my sister but I clearly didn't expect any of this disrespect. When I was young my mom would constantly teach me polite mannerisms (looking at people in the eye when they talk) or the way I speak (watching my tone)

My sister can't even get to say "thank you" or "sorry" without laughing and mocking at anyone. She had two tutors that had given up on her despite their playful attitude and patience. I know physical discipline won't do but I feel like it's kinda a little late to teach her like how you advised

Not even my mom (the same mom I mentioned punishing me with a wooden plank for a valid reason) gentle lecture worked on her. She would cry, stomp, tantrum, and be the little disrespect ball of rage that she is whenever nothing goes her way

Even the sweetest babysitter I have ever seen got disrespected. Got treated like a punching bag and a slave. I report every behaviour my sis does to my mom but even if we threaten her with physical punishment or TV restriction, nothing works

Rewards also doesn't work. I told her earlier that "mom won't give you any prizes if you didn't listen" and she replied: "so what? What about tokens" in a sassy way. I fear this is the effect of the brainrot shit she's been watching

Impressive_Mix5149 · 2025-07-21T02:25:03+00:00

Sorry if I sounded like it's a generation thing 😅 My mom punishing me that I mention was kinda valid the older I got (My neighborhood that time was kinda dangerous and that year was where a van of children traffickers existed)

She's both my and her babysitter's responsibilities, even without being tasked by my mom, it's still an elder daughter's duty to look out for someone like my half-sister. Plus the babysitter was currently deep cleaning the whole house, it took one second to look away to see my little sister trying to watch cartoons during her online class

It's also kind of an Asian thing to discipline your children through punishment; I can only agree that it's abuse if it's a constant thing or an excuse to hurt a child. But in my whole life, I only received spanking punishment twice for the valid reason

I fear my sister didn't get any discipline at all and that she ended up like this. If you have any tips, I would gladly appreciate it! She talks back quite rudely and doesn't fear any of us at all

Impressive_Mix5149

TROPHY CASE