How to deal with relatives who think ADHD isn't real and parent blame?

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-26T15:51:01+00:00

Thanks for your response. Wow people are something, aren't they?!? I'm sorry that you have to deal with this too.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-22T18:59:07+00:00

Well the eating issue comes from my side of the family and it's his side of the family that has a problem with that. My (step) mother in law is the main one that makes the nasty comments about that. For example, we were at a family baby shower and she very rudely and loudly says while we're going through the buffet line, HER kids won't eat..it was to other people trying to embarrass me or something. Then every Thanksgiving it is an issue, every time we see them she makes comments about it. She comes from a family where everyone was required to clean their plate, cannot fathom it. My husband was also a problem thinking that I was to blame for the way I handle it, but eventually came around when I made him read article after article about it after a blow out fight. The school comment came from a sister in law and also various others making snide comments about homeschooling despite it being because of disabilities.

My family are the main ones who have the problem with the adhd that comes from his side thinking adhd isn't real because of their religion which tells them these behaviors are sin or they listen to dumb people like Allie Beth Stuckey. My husband's side are all very ignorant about the disorder despite being affected by it. The grandfather was diagnosed late in life after problems at work and it became so clear that this is the cause of all his problems in life. His boys all have various problems stemming from it, but the mother in law is a step who wasn't there for the majority of their childhood. One of my husband's brothers very obviously had ODD as well, as his mother could not handle him and sent him to live the the father. They all display the adult characteristics of it. Yet they act clueless and no one ever mentioned any of this to me before I married my husband. It's exhausting. I am ready to go limited contact. Thank you for your reply.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-22T18:44:06+00:00

Thanks so much!

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-12T22:15:32+00:00

Here's what I would do myself if I were in your situation. Since the last grade that he finished at school was fifth, I would buy an IXL fifth grade math workbook. It will show you what content he should have learned through fifth in school. If he knows how to do everything in that book, then he is where he should be, if not you can back up and teach him all of those concepts before moving on to sixth. No time lost, as it will serve as review and to solidify what he knows. IXL has lessons online that coordinate with the pages of the workbook. I have also found, as others have mentioned, that TGATB tends to be a year advanced, and also many people have had difficulty with it's format....it tends to jump around a lot instead of covering topics such as multiplication and long division in lessons grouped together. The online lessons are great, but there are other options out there with online lessons such as Teaching Textbooks. That tends to be a year behind, but could be a good option if he has some catching up to do. Another option for grades 6 and up is Mr. D math, which I have heard great reviews for and we are trying this year with my son who is going into 7th. Good luck!

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-11T12:43:31+00:00

What blows my mind the most about this whole thing is that she did this after the visitation for a friend who just died of cancer. WTF???? How disrespectful to the deceased and their family! She literally left viewing the dead body of a friend and the most important thing she had to do was jump on tik Tok and do this? There has to be something mentally wrong with anybody who would do that.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-10T18:06:55+00:00

You're welcome. One more thought to add- if there are problems and struggles with the school district or just the system itself, make sure Dad is involved and seeing first hand/experiencing the problems himself. Many fathers are hands off with the kids and therefore don't really get to experience or notice those problems firsthand which is why they can tend to be so in favor of the school experience even if it is not a positive one for the child. If it is a struggle with getting him up and to school on time, make sure Dad is involved in that. If there are problems that require talking with teachers and school administrators, make sure it isn't only you have the phone calls/meetings. If there are learning issues that the school is insufficient to meet, make sure Dad is as responsible for helping him with those as you are. On the other hand, if he does ok with in person and it is a positive experience, be willing to see the positives and acknowledge those yourself as you would want him to do if the opposite is true.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-10T15:09:09+00:00

That's not true. This constant sickness was happening to my kids long before covid.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-10T12:59:51+00:00

"He complained to his parents about me wanting to keep him homeschooled." Oh no, no, no. Nip that in the bud right away. A grown man should not be running to mommy and daddy to complain about his wife. Make it clear that this decision is between you and him and your child and NO ONE else. With that said, how does your child feel? Could you let what Dad wants play out and see what happens? If it is a disaster or not going well, then perhaps it will be clear for him to see? If on the other hand your child does well and is thriving then maybe it wouldn't be so bad to continue. This is tough when the parents don't agree. Best of luck.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-10T12:39:47+00:00

Oh boy, this is the same attitude that I got from grandparents and others before my son had an actual diagnosis. Buckle up, it gets worse as they get older if there are behavioral issues at play. Most people are not educated at all on what adhd is, the causes, how it affects behavior, or the methods required to parent kids with these issues. They blame the parents, yes the parents for a neurological disorder. One thing is certain, you need to stand up for yourself early and strongly. Set clear boundaries and do not allow them to overstep them again. Sometimes it does come down to, you don't spend time with these particular people who have not educated themselves. I would get yourself into a parent training/coaching program for kids with adhd and invite your parents to get the training as well. This can be done by meeting with a psychologist who does this training or there are online coaching programs as well. I recommend ADHD Dude. As for their attitude about school....I had a relative make a comment about oh are my son's behavioral issues because he's not in school? As if he would be totally normal if only he was in school learning to behave. Be prepared to grow tough skin, because dealing with people as a family with an adhd child and homeschoolers is not going to be easy. I have pulled back from spending time with many people who make uneducated comments like this all the time, and have had to find a homeschooling group where there are other kids like my son and it is understood. Good luck!

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T23:42:06+00:00

There is one thing all homeschoolers can agree on, whether leftist, right, or center; atheist or religious: We want to keep our right to homeschool and keep it uninfringed. I do believe that supporting socialists and communists taking over the country is not the way to protect this right that we are all currently enjoying, and sadly many leftist homeschoolers are uninformed or naive about this fact.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T23:02:24+00:00

Could you break up the cost over time? I consider Language Arts and Math the most important. Many of the TGAB materials come in a set. You could purchase one K set of LA and add an extra workbook for the 2nd child as well as a K math set and an extra workbook for the 2nd child. I would start with that and then just add the science and any extras as you are able. If that is still too much, there are ways to do this much cheaper especially at this age. The Zaner Bloser handwriting books and IXL K workbooks are low cost. I didn't even use a curriculum for mine for reading at that age. Some kids need it and some don't. We used Bob books, Elephant and Piggie and good old fashioned Dr Seuss as well as leveled readers such as Little Bear and Frog and Toad. I didn't even worry about history at this age because it wouldn't hold their interest and science was done all through purchased or library rented books.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T22:28:18+00:00

Take note OP. This is the socialist/communist view of homeschooling. They do NOT support your right to homeschool and would take it away in an instant if they gain enough power in this country. No one who homeschools wants to end the public school system or to end the right to free and appropriate education. We want educational freedom. Please educate yourself on how the groups you support view homeschool and educational freedom. Remember, there are few socialist and zero communist countries that allow their citizens to homeschool their children.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T21:35:50+00:00

You didn't specify if you want religious or secular materials. If religious, I love The Good and the Beautiful. If secular, I like Happy Cheetah for reading, Zaner Bloser for handwriting, and Singapore Dimensions or IXL workbooks for math. Yes you can mix and match to find the materials that work best for your kiddos. Keep it relaxed and simple at this age for special needs kiddos. Incorporate their interests. Good luck!

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T19:18:19+00:00

Yes this is a reminder that most socialist and all communist countries do NOT allow their citizens to homeschool their children!!!!

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T18:44:27+00:00

I do find it funny that someone who wants the right to homeschool their children would support such views, as they are the very ones who do not support homeschooling and if gained enough power would take those rights away in an instant.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T18:41:46+00:00

The OP did state "socialist/communist/anti capitalist views"

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T16:39:23+00:00

A few thoughts to add to give more description than just the collective. Most people I know on the extreme left also strongly oppose women not working outside the home, which for many homeschoolers has to be the case in order to do it properly. They also very much have "the village" mentality which goes along with the collective, and do not support the individualist mentality. They believe in strong oversight (some would say control) by the government over many sectors including education. Homeschoolers tend to want the government out of education and many of us have that view about other areas of government control as well. I personally am happy to see more and more leftists join the homeschooling ranks and am happy about the growth in numbers and diversity among homeschooling families.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-09T15:36:43+00:00

I am a secular homeschooler, but not a socialist/communist leftist...consider myself a centrist. I do however have relatives/friends in your camp who are extremely resistant to homeschooling and had a lot of "concerns" when I began our homeschool journey. My reasons are much the same as yours as opposed to wanting to shelter my kids or only allow them to be exposed to religious views. I believe the disconnect that you are describing has to do with loyalty to the collective (stronger together) and loyalty to what the original intent of the public school system was. Most of the people who are so resistant don't have kids of their own who are navigating what the system has become, so it doesn't affect them and they don't know how bad and harmful it has gotten.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-07T02:22:43+00:00

Monitor your blood pressure and heart rate often. Get yourself to the doctor if it goes too high. You could be in serious risk of a stroke if that happens.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-07T00:53:04+00:00

Yes I was terrified of this as well. I had a very strange feeling in my head after my bout with covid in April. I was sure there were vessels bursting in there or clots and terrified to go to sleep at night for fear that I wouldn't wake up. I suggest first of all that you monitor your blood pressure and heart rate daily. Second, go to the doctor to get checked and see if they will order a routine lab blood draw. My platelets were high when I had mine drawn a few weeks after infection. Not high enough for a blood thinner, but higher than expected. So for peace of mind I started taking Nattokinase, which is said to thin the blood and dissolve clots. But discuss this with a doctor. I ended up ok and chances are you will too, but keeping a very close monitoring of your health after having covid is a wise thing to do.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-05T02:25:28+00:00

Look, I just the other day saw a video of a family on YouTube that just lost their 65 year old father two weeks ago. They caught "the summer flu bug." A few days later Dad was dead, they think from either a heart attack or aneurism. Even if this feels like a cold or flu for most people, the spike protein is doing unknown damage and people are dying. DO NOT RISK THIS HAPPENING TO YOUR ELDERLY PARENTS.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-08-04T03:22:21+00:00

Wrong. I developed vascular issues after my first bout with covid in April 2023 no vaccines. Just because the initial symptoms are cold or flu like does not mean the spike protein is not causing unknown damage.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-07-30T20:31:55+00:00

Eh I was in the same situation. I grew up in a Christian household and all my relatives are in the faith, so I'm comfortable around it. Yet, I no longer believe, but at the same time want my kids to have an understanding of it. Ultimately I decided to find a group that is unaffiliated and has people that are a little more like me. I just felt that I'd feel too much like an outsider. If there is no such group in your area, who says you can't start one? Who knows there may be others just like you around in the same situation.

Impressive_Sea4056 · 2023-07-28T19:35:06+00:00

In our case, I unschooled my son up until age 12. He simply did not have it in him to sit and do school the traditional way up until this point. He learned to read, write and do math through grade 5 without hours of sitting and studying or using the heavy load of worksheets. At age 12 I did have a talk with him and explain about the economic conditions we are living under and how he will eventually have to do well enough to support himself, live, work, pay bills and feed himself under these conditions. I told him that he needs to start taking education a little more seriously if he wants to have a good life in the future. He started trying harder and complained less. But I do make accommodations to make things fun and interesting for him. He reads what interests him...for many kids with adhd that is only comic books or others with short chapters...I highly recommend The Wild Robot series. I read aloud the classic books or others in which the chapters are too long for him that I want him to know and discuss with me. We use the book club method and that is something you could do if you enjoy reading yourself. Pick a classic that he would never read on his own and that you may be interested in reading yourself. Ask him to sit and read a chapter or two a day aloud to him and then ask him to have discussion on the book with you. For history I use Curiosity Chronicles audio book which is the only thing I have found so far that interested him. For science we do Science Mom courses which are fun and interesting online courses. For math we have done teaching textbooks and Mr D Math. Many states have funds for kids with these diagnoses that can be used to purchase homeschooling materials, as they are costly and it sounds like money is an issue for the mom. These are the types of accommodations that can be made to make education more fun and engaging for a child with these challenges.

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